Mothers day argument aibu

[AliBunny]

AIBU?

Not sure if I'm overreacting or being gaslit by my husband.

This morning the kids made breakfast, my husband helped them to make me a cup of tea. We were out of the house by 8.30am to do park run. My husband wore shorts to run with my 5 year old son.

Afterwards we went for a coffee and had 30 mins to kill before a pre planned 11am appointment. As it was cold my husband went and sat in the car whilst I watched the children in the playground. I sent him pics of the kids, joked about how I wasn't tall enough and said 'what a mother's day'. On the way back to the car my 7 year old daughter weed on a tree and got it all over her clothes. I was slightly frustrated getting back to the car but got over it quickly.

Later after we got home I said something about it being mother's day and he said 'yes, don't we all know it'.

I felt really hurt by this comment and he says I'm overreacting. He then ignored me for 30 mins until I got upset and called him out.
It has escalated into an argument and I'm not sure if I'm the crazy one or if he's unreasonable.

It should look like whatever makes the mum happy. It's her day. She will have to tailor in her kids needs and she knows her family well enough to know what would make it a nice day for everyone.

I don't know why all 4 of you had to go on a park run OP and I don't know why your DH gets to sit in the car. What was the appointment at 11am, again was that something that all 4 of you needed to go to?

If your dd has bladder problems then frequent accidents won't be out of the ordinary, I'm sure you carry spare clothes, wipes, etc.

It sounds to me like you just didn't say what you wanted and instead chose to be pissed off that you got something you didn't want.

Even here on this thread you won't say what it is you wanted.

You both sound irritated and irritable. Your message was a bit passive aggressive to him when you were at the playground. Your kids and DH made breakfast for you so it's not as if they have forgotten Mother's Day.

I'd say you're both being a bit unreasonable - you're expecting more from him - does he know what you wanted? Did you ask him to watch the kids in the playground, could you not have agreed that it was cold and all of you gone back to the car? Your DH does sound a bit grumpy but it's all a bit of a storm in a tea cup really. Perhaps there is more going on and you feel generally taken advantage of by DH. Maybe that's something to think about?

Your husband didn't gaslight you.

Feeling fragile and sad due to the non-incident you described seems very over the top. Are you well OP?

Not gaslighting, you just had a Barney. Tbf passive aggressive shit gets on my nerves. Use your grown up words.

hes not gaslighting but it being inconsiderate. He sat in the car because its cold. But its ok for you to get cold. And not speaking to you when home is like a toddler having a tantrum. I cant believe all the comments calling you out .he sounds like a man that has to ruin everything unless urs about him.

I'm feeling pretty fragile and sad

Why? None of this sounds like a big deal, on the face of it. Is there other stuff going on that might be heightening your feelings?

I totally agree with you, he was a shit

You need to get some perspective. You’ve been looked after breakfast in bed. Family par run.
ive had no present as my husband recently walked out. I’ve taken my children out on my own. Bought myself some chocolate. Had some sweet messages from my friends

So what would have happened if you were half an hour away from a toilet but in a more public and unsuitable place without trees?

He made the effort, breakfast, kids out the door, cafe, etc… etc… and then, whether jokingly or not, you say ‘what a Mother’s Day!).

If I’d put in the effort and my husband said ‘what a Father’s Day!’, I’d be gutted that my effort just wasn’t up to his expectation.

Go and say thank-you for his effort of making today special for you.

Thanks for those of you offering some balanced views of support. I'm genuinely quite shocked by how cruel people can be on here - had been warned about Mumsnet being a bit wild but this is my first personal experience of it!

Fwiw I agree that I used the term gaslighting very lazily - I suppose it was a shortcut to 'AIBU' (IE he's claiming I'm the crazy unreasonable one when I feel the opposite) 😂

Am trying to rise above and be the bigger person. Just thought mothers day was the one day when he would bite his tongue and be extra kind/considerate!

Also worth saying I genuinely meant my text as a joke - I sent with a laughing emoji and followed up with loving videos of the kids doing the monkey bars etc

^ This ^

What was the point of the message 'what a mothers day' if not a dig at the fact he is sat in the car and you are the one in the playground watching the kids? He has taken it at such because that is what it was.

It sounds like him and the kids made an effort for you this morning but you seem to think you shouldn't have been the one watching the kids today and he should have done it, which is unreasonable. Going on about it being Mothers Day sounds annoying.

Another one confused by the reference to gaslighting. It’s very much a buzz word people use when someone upsets them without actually knowing what it means.

You spent 30 mins in the playground with your kids and sent a passive aggressive message about it. I wouldn’t like that either if I was him.

Not sure where you got breakfast in bed from - I was up at 7.30 and at the kitchen table before getting kids dressed and out!
Genuinely not winging about the morning but equally I'm not a complete unreasonable witch!

What sort of comment did you make?

Was or another barbed comment like the text from the park?

No gaslighting whatsoever. Look up the meaning before using it, @AliBunny .

Why is spending time with the kids in a playground seen as some kind of punishment?! The text was unwarranted even if followed by jokey emojis, we all knew what you meant.

For what it's worth, it genuinely wasn't meant in a barbed way 🤯

You should have said you weren’t happy with him waiting in the car and leaving you to solo parent.

The ‘some Mother’s Day’ comment was clearly a dig at him.

I’m not sure who is unreasonable but the number of people triggered by a 7 year old having a wild wee is blowing my mind!

😂😂 perhaps it's a whole different thread topic 😂

Totally normal in my view!

Being a passive-aggressive martyr does give mothers a bad name tho, OP, so......
Why can't you just laugh off a joke?

A wild wee is what I’d call one on a country walk or in the woods….
not in a busy park?

It’s the same for me, about 5 minutes of the day is getting my card and presents, then the day is as normal. I’ve never expected anything more. I know some go out for meals but that’s never been a thing for us with our budget.