Mothers day argument aibu

[AliBunny]

AIBU?

Not sure if I'm overreacting or being gaslit by my husband.

This morning the kids made breakfast, my husband helped them to make me a cup of tea. We were out of the house by 8.30am to do park run. My husband wore shorts to run with my 5 year old son.

Afterwards we went for a coffee and had 30 mins to kill before a pre planned 11am appointment. As it was cold my husband went and sat in the car whilst I watched the children in the playground. I sent him pics of the kids, joked about how I wasn't tall enough and said 'what a mother's day'. On the way back to the car my 7 year old daughter weed on a tree and got it all over her clothes. I was slightly frustrated getting back to the car but got over it quickly.

Later after we got home I said something about it being mother's day and he said 'yes, don't we all know it'.

I felt really hurt by this comment and he says I'm overreacting. He then ignored me for 30 mins until I got upset and called him out.
It has escalated into an argument and I'm not sure if I'm the crazy one or if he's unreasonable.

I was kind of with you until that nasty comment at the end.

We used to call them "farmers wees" because my grandfather was a farm hand when he was a lad (1930's) and it was piss in a bush or piss yourself! With a bit of practice, it is possible for women to pee standing up!

Mother’s Day is a bloody minefield.

I am a mum… 23 year old son lives away from home now. I got a card and a nice phone call. But I’m still sulky because I expected more. But… I was a total brat to my mum when I was that age. One Mother’s Day I neglected to buy even a card and then hastily booked a table for dinner but was particularly ungracious about it. And then she died. So…. Yeah.

it’s a commercial celebration but it’s nice to be nice. And maybe some realistic expectations should be accepted. Cold tea, burnt toast, wilted flowers from toddlers is delightful- especially if someone else cleans up the kitchen destruction!

You started it with the passive aggressive text

I managed it standing up when I was 11 and had a 6 wk holiday in an Eastern European country where there was a distinct lack of sanitation, but I can't figure the 'on' a tree bit. Behind? No bother.

The ability to manage said function standing up stood me in good stead when I was on student exchanges in the Soviet Union. remembers Soviet facilities and shudders

Just the truth. Some people don’t want a fuss on Mother’s Day/Father’s Day/birthdays.

on the other hand, some people want the full 9 yards.

I blame Disney etc for hyping up these days just for consumerism/flogging goods and services.

Was it in the ensuing argument that he gaslit you? What form did the gaslighting take? I can't detect any gaslighting in the OP.

In fairness, anybody can come here and have a grumble if they're feeling a bit unappreciated and as if the day might have gone better. And it's nice to have a bit of support if there's nobody else to talk to, like a friend who knows you and understands.

But to be really honest this sounds like something and nothing. He helped the kids make you a cup of tea. Presumably they're too young to do anything more 'responsible' I'm personally astonished at anyone who leaves the house at 8.30am to do parkrun on Mother's Day. My gripe if dh had done that would have been to say it was really daft to wear shorts in this cold weather and tell him he would have to tolerate the cold for his stupidity and I would have forced the issue because Mother's Day.

Also in your support, I can understand bobbing behind a tree for a child to have an urgent wee. I've been known to do it myself on particularly long walks with more than a half hour trek to civilisation.
But this is just ordinary everyday stuff. You both got a bit miffed with each other.
I would advise you to not leave the bastard quite yet. Give it a few years and see how it goes.

Honestly, I would have been pissed off.

Why wear shorts when it’s cold and you’re going out? Okay, he wanted to run — but bring a change of clothes, for God’s sake. Don’t end up sitting in the car while your family is out having fun on Mother’s Day.

And I don’t get why people are saying you were passive-aggressive with that text. What kind of Mother’s Day is it when you have to entertain the kids by yourself just because your husband wasn’t responsible about what he was wearing?

And his comment...Maybe the bar is just too low for women these days, but when it comes to Mother’s Day, I’m the queen. My husband makes sure the day is about what I want — and I do the same for him on Father’s Day.

Its mothers day not wives day.

whole lot of threads on here all about expecting husbands to spoil the wife on mothers day. Its mothers day so it should be the kids doing it (with help from dad where possible)

agree with what someone else said hallmark/insta perfect day expectations & the absolute lunacy of mumsnet = bad combo

Its mothers day not wives day.

Every fucking year the cool wives come out with this crap

As parents, we spend all of our time putting everyone else first. Why is it suddenly unreasonable to want the one day a year that’s supposed to celebrate mothers to actually be about you?

At last somebody who's kind and gives a sensible response.

It would be whatever the mother enjoys doing ??? Seriously do people not know how to give gifts anymore.

Pickmeishas. Trust me they’re inherently misogynistic and miserable

Why didn’t he do the playground duty while you got to sit warm and cosy in the car?!

Wild wees are definitely a thing. I’m glad your day ended on a good note.

I agree. I don't think people understand the true meaning of the phrase half the time.

I remember about ten years ago the same thing happened with the word abusive. Suddenly every argument or major annoyance in a relationship was someone's partner being 'emotionally abusive' to them.

What do you/did you expect your Mother’s Day to be like? It sounds like you had an ordinary day of parenting … and this is a big issue with Mother’s/Father’s Day. People have really high expectations and many are disappointed by it. You were blessed to have that day even though things didn’t quite go according to plan as you were spending time with your family. You need to determine what the issue was … did you feel as it was Mother’s Day your husband should of been more hands on or is it more of on ongoing issue highlighted by the fact that you thought with it being Mother’s Day it may have been different?

Yeah there is no gaslighting here.

He just picked up on your comment about "what a Mother's Day" as a slightly passive aggressive (sorry to use another over-worked term) whinge.

People will get annoyed by passive aggressive complaints. Not saying I'd have enjoyed standing in the cold or having my dc pee on themselves either, so i can see why you were upset. But linking it to Mother's day was a bit whingy, when she presumably didn't do it on purpose and he had a good reason for sitting in the car.

Good answer, OP. As I see it the real issue here is the ‘Dad’ who retreats to his cosy car because it’s too cold for him to raise his game and spend 10 minutes in the park with his 7 yo daughter. Sorry - you’ve lumbered yourself with a bit of a tosser. Hey-ho. There’s always Fathers Day to look forward to. DD can make him a card then you can revert to Normal Sunday routine. But for heavens sake - given that you know DD has a waterworks problem - up your game re the splash back.

So basically the only effort he’d gone to for Mother’s Day was helping the kids make a cup of tea and then basically accused you of going on about MD?

He is a knob. Make sure you do nothing for Father’s Day when it comes

And remember to wear shorts and give DD a biiiiiiig drink before you head out.

Mumsnet is actually wild! Every time I read it I cannot believe what some people think is reasonable! Of COURSE on mother's day your husband should organise a card, and perhaps flowers and a few little gifts from your children? Chocolate? A book? Whatever you're in to! Its not a lot to ask. If your children are little. Any time anyone posts on this page about their family not doing anything for them on their birthday/anniversary/mother's day etc its always the same oh why do you care about your birthday, you should be delighted with what you got, blah blah. Grim. Your husband should have made an effort and encouraged your children to do the same and he should have been kinder.

Its lovely to receive flowers & a card with appreciative words. Other than that I treat it like a normal day, no fuss expected or required.

I've had to do a few wild wees myself of late - and I'm not even little.

For me it's more "behind" the tree than "on it" but I suppose there are moments in life where you just manage the best you can and there's no need to get into semantics.😑