Mothers day argument aibu

[AliBunny]

AIBU?

Not sure if I'm overreacting or being gaslit by my husband.

This morning the kids made breakfast, my husband helped them to make me a cup of tea. We were out of the house by 8.30am to do park run. My husband wore shorts to run with my 5 year old son.

Afterwards we went for a coffee and had 30 mins to kill before a pre planned 11am appointment. As it was cold my husband went and sat in the car whilst I watched the children in the playground. I sent him pics of the kids, joked about how I wasn't tall enough and said 'what a mother's day'. On the way back to the car my 7 year old daughter weed on a tree and got it all over her clothes. I was slightly frustrated getting back to the car but got over it quickly.

Later after we got home I said something about it being mother's day and he said 'yes, don't we all know it'.

I felt really hurt by this comment and he says I'm overreacting. He then ignored me for 30 mins until I got upset and called him out.
It has escalated into an argument and I'm not sure if I'm the crazy one or if he's unreasonable.

I don't see what the problem is. It's mother's day and you were watching the children while he sat in the car - it's fine if that pisses you off. His reaction suggests he knows that. There was a whole thread on here about how a woman shouldn't arrange her kids birthday party on the same day as mother's day because people will have other plans, now this thread is suggesting it's unreasonable to expect to be a bit let off the hook on the mother's day.

The fact that him helping his children make his children's mother a cup of tea qualifies as 'making an effort' is hilarious.

the one day when he would bite his tongue and be extra kind/considerate

Why do you expect one day to be different? Either he is a kind, loving and respectful partner, or he's not. Putting on a mask for one day doesn't show respect, it just highlights how badly he treats you day to day and what a low opinion he has of you.

Oh have a day off.

I'd have been annoyed a grown man has to sit in a car in spring because he was "cold" as well. Mothers day or not. And sulking is immature.

I don't think anybody expects a hallmark Mother's Day but sometimes it's nice to be made a fuss of!! That's the point. It's always down to mums!

Why exactly do people frame mothers wanting to feel appreciated as them wanting a 'Hallmark' day or an 'instagram worthy' day? But making a cup of tea is an 'effort'? Do you all ever read back what you've written?

That is why I mentioned incontinence products for the poor child, to stop any embarrassment if she needed a wee badly.
Has she got an UTI (Urinary Tract Infection) ? because if so it won't help the situation being out in a cold park.

I don’t think it’s too much to expect that dad takes responsibility for the kids, getting organised etc for one day.

I don’t think setting low expectations for how you are treated is a good thing. I don’t mean gifts etc but a simple “take it easy” day is reasonable.

He was wearing shorts…don’t think OP was?

Hi everyone, I did not expect this to get anywhere near as much reaction as it did!

To those of you that are mums acknowledging that sometimes it's nice to have a little slice of a day to feel appreciated, thank you.

To just clarify a couple of points:

• I sent the text as a joke whilst he sat 'cold' in the car (appreciate it may not have appeared as funny to him)
• He came out with the 'yes, we all know it's mother's day' comment a few hours later - said to my face in a cutting way, not a text.
• I challenged him on it, said it upset me and he claimed it wasnt meant with any negative connotation. I took myself away for 15 mins, went back and challenged him and he then admitted he did mean it nastily. He then gave me the silent treatment. I sulked. We both sulked.
• Im not looking for a day off or loads of ££ presents, just a day with a few extra thank yous and maybe the opportunity not to cook/clean up after everyone!

Since posting this, we have both apologised, cheered up and will celebrate with a family cuddle on the sofa and watch last night's gladiators on iPlayer.

P.s. Wild wees in a big, not hugely public park, behind a lot of trees are not something to get so emotional over - totally normal imo!

Since posting this, we have both apologised, cheered up and will celebrate with a family cuddle on the sofa and watch last night's gladiators on iPlayer.

Good

Drama over

It feels like a fairly standard dy and he felt you kept mentioning it was Mother’s Day like it was a big birthday or something and weren’t really getting into the spirit if it which is being with your kids.

It's Mother's Day, I think her husband could have taken the kids to the park. It also sounds like he still didn't make any effort when they got home.
Mother's Day is the one day of the year I really don't expect to be doing much childcare or anything else really.

Wild wees in a big, not hugely public park, behind a lot of trees are not something to get so emotional over - totally normal imo!

I wonder why you bothered mentioning it at all if it didn't annoy you at the time.

If your DH's normal reaction is to sulk then you need to learn how to navigate that instead of sulking with him. This is not a good example to set to your kids.

When he's not in a sulk, you need to sit down together and have the conversation about how you can both handle conflict better because this was a silly moment that spoiled the day for everyone and could so easily have been avoided.

Enjoy the rest of your day op x

I really don’t think this being a matyr for your family thing actually works out very well. I actually completely forgot about mothers day, DH still made sure I got a gift, DD made me a beautiful card, Dh was working so DD and I went to have a salon visit together.

I’m a big believer in everyone pulling their weight and being kind and respectful all the way through the year but yeah a little extra on mothers day shouldn’t be too much. I think it’s a matter of fathers demonstrating value and love for mums when kids are young. To say “your mum does a lot and we love her, lets show her a bit more today”.

I wondered why people were focusing on that!

Because, without any context, it’s a rather unusual thing for. 7 year old girl to do.

And the relevance of your post is?..????????

Yep I’ve read that full thing.

Still can’t see what the “tantrum” was.

Same, it’s really annoying. OP wasn’t saying she expected him to serenade her and hand bake her an artisan afternoon tea, just that for this day he would be the parent to take all the more difficult bits and, frankly, not deliberately or thoughtlessly dress in an outfit (for his own purposes) that apparently means he can’t do the incredibly dreary standing in the playground in the cold shift!

Enjoy the rest of your day.
Yes MN is the place for a real kicking any chance some get.

Yes I totally agree. There is a happy medium between being treated like a princess and being left to do all the parenting. I'd be a bit annoyed about the sitting in the car thing even if it wasn't Mother's Day.

I know, it's ridiculous isn't it. I have never had more than a card from my kids, and have always been delighted by that. I can only think that mothers who are hoping to be spoiled all day have a shit deal from their families the other 364.

Without wanting to sound smug, (though of course I will 😂) my family are lovely to me every day!

Is it? Sometimes kids get caught short as do adults. It's kind of weird to fixate/ comment on when it's not the point of the thread anyway. Just sounds like people are looking to take pot shots at the OP.