Mothers day argument aibu

[AliBunny]

AIBU?

Not sure if I'm overreacting or being gaslit by my husband.

This morning the kids made breakfast, my husband helped them to make me a cup of tea. We were out of the house by 8.30am to do park run. My husband wore shorts to run with my 5 year old son.

Afterwards we went for a coffee and had 30 mins to kill before a pre planned 11am appointment. As it was cold my husband went and sat in the car whilst I watched the children in the playground. I sent him pics of the kids, joked about how I wasn't tall enough and said 'what a mother's day'. On the way back to the car my 7 year old daughter weed on a tree and got it all over her clothes. I was slightly frustrated getting back to the car but got over it quickly.

Later after we got home I said something about it being mother's day and he said 'yes, don't we all know it'.

I felt really hurt by this comment and he says I'm overreacting. He then ignored me for 30 mins until I got upset and called him out.
It has escalated into an argument and I'm not sure if I'm the crazy one or if he's unreasonable.

It must have been more of a sapling or else daughter is a good climber :-).

Still can't get past the little girl "weeing ON a tree". If it was a boy weeing on a tree, it would make more sense. Sorry op.

This. Gaslighting, in a silly little argument like this? Keep big words for big things. I agree, words like 'gaslighting' narcissistic' 'autistic' are overused in pretty much every context now. It's a very annoying trend.

I think before using a word like gaslighting you might want to go look up what it means. Your husband saying something that upsets you isn't gaslighting. Gaslighting is a very specific form of abuse where they intentionally try to get you to question reality in order to manipulate you.

What your husband did was not that. Maybe it wasn't the kindest thing to say but it feels like there's more to the story or you're being overly sensitive.

Special days rarely live up to societal expectations taught to us over many years of commercialism. You are a mother, we don't get days off but you did get breakfast made by your kids with the help of their dad, you had a trip to the park. Life will never be perfect because it is set by unrealistic standards. I'm.not saying don't aim for it but there will be days that are just pants. Did the kids enjoy making you that cup of tea? Did they look proud that they made it? Did their dad step up to support them? I know it's the little things but if we focus on the whole event, we miss the small details that can make a day.

It sounds like a pretty shit day really, he didn't get you a present, you're the one out in the cold with the kids, not him and then he's unkind to you. Not gaslighting but also not good enough tbh

You have kids and life is mostly centred about kids .. isn’t it fairly standard to be snappy on occasions ? He could have taken the kids to the park and given you a rest and you shouldn’t have made the “what’s a Mother’s Day” remark ! I also would have been irked if he’d gone and sat in the car but to say he’s “gaslighting” you is a tad dramatic ! And to come on here to get validation that he was wrong and you were right is just keeping it alive in your head . Honestly family life is much easier if we don’t expect it to be perfect . If, however there are underlying issues with the marriage then maybe address them and make some hard decisions .

My only comment is i do understand you OP you wanted to be made a fuss of and have more consideration from your husband. I find my husband never did a lot and now my kids are older, late teens twenties they make a fuss of me and spoil me. You see once they grow up a bit mothers day will feel incredibly special.

Jesus.

OP just wants her husband to join the family in the park instead of sitting in a warm car because he can’t be bothered to dress for cold weather. And that’s considered too much to ask?

And really: one day a year someone makes you breakfast instead of you doing it for everyone else every day—and that’s supposed to be enough to “shut up”?

Mother’s Day should be about moms: the one day a year when someone actually makes an effort for us.

But apparently, the bar is so low that even that feels like too much.

That was not my point, yes it's nice to feel special, my point was about choosing how we react and reframe it to protect ourselves from being disappointed was the point. We can't make others do something we want or think they should but we can decide it's not going to ruin something.

Mother's Day comes into its own when children are older and they celebrate it with you. What will you do for Father's Day? Perhaps just return the effort? I agree with the pp who said, when you knew he was going to sit in a warm car, I'd have scrapped the park visit and all been warm at home.

Agree with others that it isn’t really gaslighting. Sounds like it would have been a fun day but you had expectations of something different. I think he probably just felt got at and wanting a huff.

I know!

Having a successful wild wee is a huge life skill in my opinion! 😂 Missing the pants and shoes, whilst not getting the nether regions stung!!

@AliBunny

Obviously just a misunderstanding that blew up, but hubby sounds like a sulky child. Is he normally like that?

The advantage of boys..mine grew up thinking the P sign at a lay-by was a P for Pee

They’ll be saying bears shouldn’t shit in woods next 🤣

I was thinking it might have involved a sort of cocking of the leg?

😂

By mentioning the weeing on a tree, you brought the topic into focus.You could have just said you returned to the car frustrated as this emotion was already obvious.

I also feel like the story might be missing some detail, otherwise, yes, sounds like a huge overreaction. What was mother's day supposed to be? Dad was running with son? Did you and daughter have to go? Was it in memory of someone...maybe a female figure that meant something to your husband, hence doing the park run? You went to the park for 30 minutes with your kids? Again, did you have to go? Was that an issue?

You say you had a pre-planned appointment? Was that intentional? If not celebratory, could it not have been moved? It sounds like you had unmet expectations. If you are easy to disappoint, consider giving hubby choices and surprising you with some of them. But honestly, you are not his mum, the day is for the kids to show you appreciation, and wouldn't you rather be loved all year round than just one day. It shouldn't take a commercial event to claim a meal out or a cup of tea in bed or a box of chocolates. Do you not look at your family and feel blessed from time to time? Do you not have a laugh and a joke day-to-day? I'm not getting the need for a big fanfare. After 7 years (minimum) are you not ware of how your partner treats occasions?

These are not necessarily intended for you to answer to us, just a few things for you to maybe consider and understand what is really going on. Either way, your feelings are valid. You have every right to feel upeset. It's just very hard for us to appreciate why you are upset from what little you have said and where your focus lies.

Where’s the gaslighting???

😂👍🏻👍🏻

I know, there's some horrible folk on here. You were asking about DH, not for comments about why your v young daughter had a wee outside in some vegetation....!
Anyway, I think your DH displayed some red flag behaviour. It's Mother's Day but you were left to mind the kids whilst he took his lazy bum back to the car....that in itself isn't hugely worrying if he was cold (but he could've brought jogging pants) but then his comment "don't we know it" was out of order....he sounds horrible....and then he proceeded to ignore you for 30 mins!! You deserve better op. He sounds incredibly selfish and unsupportive. YANBU