AIBU to expect anything from my husband for my first mother's day?

[Armandi110]

Good morning and happy mother's day to all the moms out there.

AIBU to expect anything for my first mother's day? My baby is 3 months old so obviously not expecting anything from her, but some kind of acknowledgement from my husband that it's actually mother's day?

I am not a demanding person and would have been delighted with a hug and a "happy first mother's day". A box of chocolates or bunch of flowers would have been a bonus, but I wasn't expecting that. I went through IVF so it's been a long and emotional journey to get here and I spent many a mother's day in tears, so today means a lot to me. I've even had messages from friends and family wishing me a happy first mother's day.

My husband has not even acknowledged the fact that it's mothers day, despite the fact he is watching Formula 1 and Lewis Hamilton just wished his mom and all the other moms a happy mothers day.

He is generally quite lacklustre in life and not one for a gesture but this has got me wondering if he is even the right person for me any more. Am I overreacting?

He’s been thoughtless and lazy.

I think it’s important that you tell him that you’re disappointed in his lack of consideration.

But she gave birth to and is bringing his child up. The baby is too young obviously to get a card or otherwise make her feel appreciated so it’s on him.
It’s very normal that until a child is old enough to sort it themselves, the parent will sort out Mothers/Father’s Day.

He hasn't taken the baby in the last three months so that you could have a bath?

You are not his mother.

I’d let it go and decide together what the expectations are for celebrations going forward

I think it’s a bit extreme to ask if he’s the right man based on this. Obviously if it’s an abundance of things then fair enough. He might just not be aware it’s a done thing to celebrate on behalf of his child. I had some relatives so confused as to why I was sent a Mother’s Day card by my husband on my first Mother’s Day.

I hope he sticks to his word and does better x

Thinking that him having his own child for an hour so you can have a bath is a Mother’s Day present shows how low your bar is.

Being able to have the time to complete basic hygiene tasks isn’t a present your partner gives you. It’s called being joint parents and a team.

I very much doubt your partner ask you every time he wants to go and take a shower if you can watch the baby.

Start getting tougher, expecting more and having clear and direct conversations about the fact this child is both of yours and that you want more from him.

Mother of child so deserves respect, acknowledgment and care.

YANBU
On my first Mother’s Day my DH bought me a dried floral arrangement so they wouldn’t die and I could display my first Mother’s Day flowers forever.
Your first Mother’s Day is an important day.
However I would give this year a pass and give the benefit of the doubt that some men have truly been raised to take no responsibility in emotional labour, making the extra effort or being the one to make things special for family members. It doesn’t mean it can’t change.
A discussion about how important it is to you and if he doesn’t take this on board going forward you have more information on how the rest of your life will look.

Poor man, he doesn’t even know 🤣 Nobody told him poor thing 🤣

In three months he's not taken the baby long enough for you to have a bath????

Mothers day is the least of your problems op? That is absolutely appalling. Please tell me I read it wrong?

I am a mother and I have a mother yet
I barely knew it was Mother's Day today.
I noticed some cards in the supermarket so Googled the date.
I wouldn't have had a clue otherwise.

Well good for you and your uncelebrated life. Are you aware that lots of people think differently and that’s ok?

Once I was aware of the date I did celebrate it (and sent my mum a card and let my husband know so he sent his mum a card too).
But unless someone studies a calendar in depth frequently and/or regularly goes into shops that sell the typical merch then it's very easy to not be aware of when the actual date of Mother's Day is. Especially as it's a different date each year.

No this is poor form. My husband always has something small for me on Mother’s Day. Nothing extravagant. Little things.
I had a lovely card “from my baby” on my first Mother’s Day. I had a hard time establishing breastfeeding but it was beginning to go well, and so the card said l “thanks for all my milk mama, I love you” and there was some lovey chocolates too. This was ten years ago now and I still have that card. I felt so cherished and appreciated.
every mama deserves to feel this way and to be reminded of how much they are loved on Mother’s Day

not if you’re in London that’s for sure- the advertising is everywhere. Buses , every shop window so if you’ve walked through a high st or travelled down Oxford st or gotten out through Liverpool st Stn or any other really, lots of ads on tv, the paid streaming has ads too now. The sports commentary.

I live in London 😁
There's a lot of stuff I don't notice because to be honest I am just going about my day living in my thoughts.
I did realise eventually when I spotted a card display in Asda and googled the date.
But sometimes with shopping I am literally only interested in what I need to buy so I just zone in on that.
The card display was by the front entrance.
If I had come in through the back entrance I wouldn't have seen it.

Actually amazed that his own mum hasn’t mentioned
that he ought to make a bit of a fuss. Or that he hasn’t realised for himself (twat).

Of course she does! However, it is Mother's Day not Wife's Day.

She’s both a mother and a wife and above all human and deserves tlc. Why is your bar so low? A bunch of flowers, maybe a nice meal she doesn’t need to cook ( could even be a take away) and a lovely bath bomb so she could have that bath she wants. A bit of time and effort at minimal cost. Have you not been a first time mum and felt a bit overwhelmed and in need of tlc?

Speak to him

He's clueless , sometimes even the kindest husbands/ partners get things wrong ...

I still find that weird. I never felt like mother's day was something I wanted to get a card on or anything until my actual children could contribute. I would have found it really cringy if DH had done anything for it when DC1 was still a baby.

Kindly meant OP, he really doesn't sound great.
So be aware.
Mind yourself carefully and do not accept him being a total waster.
If you tolerate this life will just get worse, a lot worse.

No, YOUR bar is low. Tlc is a daily necessity for a new mum, any mum. Husband needs to get on this! One day a year to celebrate all that is special about motherhood? 'Time and effort at minimal cost' - absolute rubbish.