AIBU to expect anything from my husband for my first mother's day?

[Armandi110]

Good morning and happy mother's day to all the moms out there.

AIBU to expect anything for my first mother's day? My baby is 3 months old so obviously not expecting anything from her, but some kind of acknowledgement from my husband that it's actually mother's day?

I am not a demanding person and would have been delighted with a hug and a "happy first mother's day". A box of chocolates or bunch of flowers would have been a bonus, but I wasn't expecting that. I went through IVF so it's been a long and emotional journey to get here and I spent many a mother's day in tears, so today means a lot to me. I've even had messages from friends and family wishing me a happy first mother's day.

My husband has not even acknowledged the fact that it's mothers day, despite the fact he is watching Formula 1 and Lewis Hamilton just wished his mom and all the other moms a happy mothers day.

He is generally quite lacklustre in life and not one for a gesture but this has got me wondering if he is even the right person for me any more. Am I overreacting?

My ex husband reckoned he didn’t have to do anything because I’m “not his mum”. Note the term “ex”

But the OP isn’t HIS mother - she’s his wife/partner.

I had a rubbish first mother’s day, currently having a much better second one. I did give a reminder of what I wanted to happen (nothing extravagant!), which is slightly irritating to have to do, but I am otherwise happy with my partner’s efforts and attitudes so I don’t mind. Give him the necessary feedback and hopefully he takes it on board graciously. Hope you manage to have a reasonable rest of the day. I do think special occasions not going as expected is extra hard when you’re still hormonal and sleep deprived, and you both need to give each other grace to get through the early months.

Read the OP, Lewis Hamilton just told him it was!

I haven't said OP's his mother.

So why would you expect the OP’s husband to be making a fuss of her on Mother’s Day? Surely he should be taking a card or seeing his own mother if she’s a part of his life? My husband always visited his mum on Mother’s Day, but I would never have expected him to do anything for me on Mother’s Day because I’m not his mother. In just the same way. I’ve never bought him a Father’s Day card or done anything special to mark the day.

Yes this is thoughtless. Yes we know “OP is not his mother” but a tiny baby can’t really be expected to do anything! It should have occurred to anyone with the tiniest bit of sensitivity that her first Mother’s Day would be important for her. Even my DH got me a card and flowers my first Mother’s Day after DD was born, unprompted, and he’s not exactly known for making huge efforts on significant occasions!

On behalf of his child.

You seem very rigid.

It's Father's Day soon, don't forget how today made you feel.

Get yourself out for a walk with baby, pop into a nice cafe and have cake.

Poor show. Happy Mothers Day OP 💐x

go online right this second and order yourself something. A new bag, a perfume, new pyjamas, some nice candles or make up or anything you like. Something personalised from yourself to yourself to mark your first Mother’s Day. Then point blank say to DH what you have ordered. Hope he feels bloody guilty

"I am not a demanding person and would have been delighted with a hug and a "happy first mother's day". A box of chocolates or bunch of flowers would have been a bonus, but I wasn't expecting that."

Please raise your standards OP. You sound so apologetic just for wanting a bare minimum of acknowledgement, after an incredibly gruelling road to motherhood.

Yet even after that, he sounds mean spirited and selfish. You should be spending today reclining on your sofa being hand-fed peeled grapes, with every whim catered to.

God, I got my mum 2 thoughtful and relevant to her likes presents, flowers and a card and we're not even on the most brilliant terms.

I am so sorry for you, but wish you a lovely First Mother's Day, and looking ahead to many many more 💐💐💐💐💐💐💐

Thanks so much to those of you who posted kind, helpful and supportive comments. I'm sorry to hear some of you have also had similar experiences. Wishing the lovely people out there a happy mother's day too xxx

We had a conversation and I let him know that I was upset he didnt say Happy first Mothers day or acknowledge it. I said even if youd had sent me a screenshot of the card you tried to make, that would have been OK! And that a nice free gesture, like offering to have the baby for an hour so I can have my first bath since giving birth, would have meant a lot to me.

I explained that today was important to me after so many Mothers days spent in tears after many years of trying to become a mom. He apologised and said he should have done better and will do better in the future. In the meantime, I will be taking the advice and ordering myself something nice to celebrate my long journey to motherhood 💖

Yes I'd say pretty thoughtless he wished his mother a Happy Mother's Day but not you. Im not one for big pressies etc but definitely a card and a big hug/kiss if nothing else. He needs to do better next year.

Well done both of you, sounds like next year will be a better one!

Hopefully he realises Father’s Day is going to pass without comment.

Congratulations on your baby. Seen your update, at least sounds like he's admitted being at fault. Don't dwell on it but let's hope he pulls his finger out next year. Will he at least make you a nice dinner or something?

Your expectations are low. Why only expect a flippin hug??
It’s not about money or tat but of course he should be telling you to stay in bed all morning then taking you all out to the park then the cafe/pub. And a card for sure.

Sorry Op, are you saying that in 3 months he’s never taken the baby long enough for you to even have a bath? If so, the Mother’s Day omission is the least of your problems. Apologies if I’ve misread.

OMG I didn't get anything for DW on her first mother's day. It's 40+ years on and I have still not been forgiven.

The perfectly valid argument "You are not my mother" cut no ice.

I made a point of warning DS and DSonIL when their turn came around.

One of my closest friends had a long IVF journey to motherhood. A group of us had to tell her DH off for his first attempt at Mothers Day! He got her the same card as his own mum!?!! All she had ever wanted was a card addressed to “Mummy”

@Armandi110

My (now estranged) DH was always remembered MD and also in 'celebrating' me as a mum on other special days. It was a card and flowers and either breakfast in bed or lunch out for MD. As the DC grew I got a card and some of my favourite snacks/sweets and he started taking them out for the day so I'd have a day all to myself. Then he'd bring takeaway home in the evening. This worked for me as he worked away half the week.

If I were you I'd go online and order myself something frivolous and expensive and then say "Thank you for the lovely XYZ costing £££ as my Mother's Day gift". If he complains, tell him that maybe then next year he'll buy the gift rather than leaving you to do it for him.

For every occasion, there is an Onion sketch

Shops yesterday, and this afternoon, full of young men who seemed unfamiliar with the concept of a supermarket (or the aisles that didn't sell crisps or alcohol) panic buying chocolate and flowers

You’re not his mother. Best wait until your child is old enough to fo it on their own bat.