AIBU to expect anything from my husband for my first mother's day?

[Armandi110]

Good morning and happy mother's day to all the moms out there.

AIBU to expect anything for my first mother's day? My baby is 3 months old so obviously not expecting anything from her, but some kind of acknowledgement from my husband that it's actually mother's day?

I am not a demanding person and would have been delighted with a hug and a "happy first mother's day". A box of chocolates or bunch of flowers would have been a bonus, but I wasn't expecting that. I went through IVF so it's been a long and emotional journey to get here and I spent many a mother's day in tears, so today means a lot to me. I've even had messages from friends and family wishing me a happy first mother's day.

My husband has not even acknowledged the fact that it's mothers day, despite the fact he is watching Formula 1 and Lewis Hamilton just wished his mom and all the other moms a happy mothers day.

He is generally quite lacklustre in life and not one for a gesture but this has got me wondering if he is even the right person for me any more. Am I overreacting?

Thoughtless of him I’d say. Happy first Mother’s Day xx

Does he know it's Mother's Day?
It's early this year.

Thank you Biscuit12 xx you too xxx

He sounds pretty thoughtless.

But, hopefully you two have had this conversation over the last couple of days and you've mentioned that you'd like him to mark it in some way?

You’re not being unreasonable. My first Mother’s Day my DH bought me a beautiful cashmere dressing gown ( from the baby obviously). I can remember his friend did not in fact buy his wife anything for the first one and was taken the piss out of massively by us and other friends. All he could say was “ she’s not my mother “. Unimpressive. I don’t think he did it again though.

You need to tell him, my DH was a bit rubbish on my first Mother’s Day and I was upset. It was actually because he lost his mum quite young so had never really “done” Mother’s Day and just kind of didn’t think about it - plus he’s rubbish at knowing what day it is. Anyway after that he has learnt and been better!

I asked him if he forgot it was mothers day and he said no. He's just said he tried to make me a card with AI but it didn't work out

I know a few friends this happened to for their first Mother’s Day. Clueless and thoughtless husbands - didn’t happen for the second! Have a word with him for next year. Meanwhile, congratulations on your baby and Happy Mother’s Day!

How does this help the OP to describe the unusually lavish gift you were given? That’s even more unthoughtfullness she’s had today.

OP he’s being a dick and I would ask him directly why he didn’t think to even wish you a HMD on behalf of the DD you endured so much to have. If he says ‘you aren’t my mother’ rather than sorry you may need to wonder if he is a decent partner.

I suppose I didnt specially mention that it would be an important day for me, I assumed he would realise it after all I've been through with the fertility struggles. So tbf to him I should explain that

Meant to click yanbu x

Did you mention to him beforehand? I’m only asking because people don’t always think the same way. If you have an expectation , no matter how obvious, then communicate it.

I am ND and am always being told I ‘should have thought’ to do something. Just because something is obvious to most people, doesn’t make it obvious to everyone.

Plenty of parents dont make Mother’s or Father’s Day a ‘thing’ until the child is old enough to make a card.

“Tried to make a card with AI” then just gave up ?? As if the bar couldn’t get much lower.

Yes, he should have done something, and there is still time to go out and get flowers. It’s important to you, and as a loving partner, he should respect that.

Thanks, this is really helpful to hear your experience - sorry you were upset on your first mother's day too and I'm glad things are better now!

Happy 1st mother's day.

This is such a special day especially with what you went through.

Tbh my DH did get me some really thoughtful gifts for my very 1st mother's day.

He should have made an effort to mark the day, doesn't matter how old the baby is. Mine was weeks old.

What did he do for his mother? How does his family celebrate it?

Many families don’t really do anything for it, so he may not be aware he is expected of him.

I’d say something like “I appreciate you didn’t know it was important to me but it is and I’d still like to mark the day so for this year shall we pick up a to go coffee and all go for a walk together [ whatever else you can do]?”

I think its awful.

Im all for communication but I think any idiot would know to buy his partner a first mother's day card.

Id tell him going forward. You expect minimum of a card and a small present.

I bet you will get him a card for father's day.

Yes, lack of communication is normally at the root of this sort of Mother's Day thread.

My usually very thoughtful husband did the same many years ago. I let him know I was a bit sad and he has never forgotten again. I know it shouldn't be up to women but I try to always remind my male friends and relatives who have a new baby that mother's day is important. They are usually pretty clueless and sleep deprived and appreciate the nudge.

Just seen this - people will pile on saying you shouldn’t have had to because he’s a man and that you should LTB but these things are often just lack of communication

If he’s been in a shop or a garage in the last 3 weeks it’s usually pretty obvious!

He knew it was Mothers Day .. he started to make a card and gave up.

To all you saying “he didn’t know” etc, stop making excuses for the shitty behaviour of Men

And Lewis Hamilton has just told him.

Thanks, yes I was very perplexed by the alleged AI card attempt that I never saw