AIBU to expect anything from my husband for my first mother's day?

[Armandi110]

Good morning and happy mother's day to all the moms out there.

AIBU to expect anything for my first mother's day? My baby is 3 months old so obviously not expecting anything from her, but some kind of acknowledgement from my husband that it's actually mother's day?

I am not a demanding person and would have been delighted with a hug and a "happy first mother's day". A box of chocolates or bunch of flowers would have been a bonus, but I wasn't expecting that. I went through IVF so it's been a long and emotional journey to get here and I spent many a mother's day in tears, so today means a lot to me. I've even had messages from friends and family wishing me a happy first mother's day.

My husband has not even acknowledged the fact that it's mothers day, despite the fact he is watching Formula 1 and Lewis Hamilton just wished his mom and all the other moms a happy mothers day.

He is generally quite lacklustre in life and not one for a gesture but this has got me wondering if he is even the right person for me any more. Am I overreacting?

Happy Mothers Day and huge congratulations on your new arrival.

Is he always this thoughtless?
You have every right to feel let down and pissed off. He, of all people, should understand how important this is to you.
You should let him know, in no uncertain terms, how upset you are. Don’t let it fester and communicate your expectations- if he can’t step up this may be the first of many let downs.

It's disappointing that he didn't think of you. Make sure he knows for next year that it is important to you.

An awful lot of people don't go anywhere near shops these days.
They buy everything online.
To be honest in most shops I have been in lately the Mother's Day section has only been a couple of cardboard stands with cards on.

It's your privilege to be your baby's mum no thanks and no mothers day nonsense required

Well what happened next?
Did you say you were disappointed?

Thank you, I will definitely speak with him about how its made me feel. For Fathers day I was looking at getting him a personalised book from Etsy for the baby ("my first father's day"). I dont do Father's day because I've never known my Dad, but he has both of his parents, so actually, I dont think the parent thing can be used as an excuse

Grab your coat and baby's bag. Tell him you are going out to grab a coffee and a cake for your special day. If he chooses gaming over that maybe time for serious conversations..

Honestly, why do women put up with this shit. Its bear minimum stuff that you shouldn't have to ask for.

@Armandi110 it's half ten in the morning.
There's plenty of the day left.
March over to the TV, switch it off and say "husband.... it's Mother's Day. I am a mother and I want to celebrate. I would like to (whatever you like doing) for the rest of the day".

Thoughtless generally so no surprise.

Unfortunately when you settle fof men like this, life tends to be one disappointment after another.

Happy Mother's day to you.
Well done for getting this far.
Enjoy your baby and mind yourself.
Think long and hard about having more if he doesn't share the load properly.
As time goes on, lazy thoughtless men become seriously unattractive.

I never expected a Mother’s Day card until my daughter was old enough to understand and make one herself. I would have thought it was very weird if my husband had given me a card.

I disagree.

Not everyone sees cards as at all important. I would say that includes many men.

To me, Mother's Day is for children to show they appreciate their mum. Newborns can't do that.

Your assumptions about what Mother's Day is aren't the only correct ones.

I see a lot of posts on here where a wife’s perfectly normal expectations have been ignored by her husband and people come on to ask if she’d explained those expectations to him. In very unusual situations that might be necessary but the rest of time why doesn’t he know her well enough to be aware of how she feels about those things.

FFS do women really have to say “remember we have a baby, right? Oh good. Well as you know we have a baby, do you realise that makes me a mother? Ok, so you get it that celebrating Mother’s Day is something we do now? There will be Father’s Day coming soon too. We will buy each other something to mark the day. You can buy something in a shop. A shop is a….”

Make sure to ignore fathers day. And don't cave and get him a card!

He'll either not care at all OR he'll be offended. At which point, you can point out you thought it wasn't necessary to celebrate since he missed mothers day.

Happy Mother's Day.

Maybe he's deliberately being low key as he's planning a big surprise...?

I think his behaviour is really unpleasant. Does he not appreciate the wonderful mother his child has? You need to make it very plan to him how hurt this has made you. He can do much to make the day nice still, I hope he does.
Lacklustre at life is very unattractive. Maybe warn him of that too.

I think it’s very thoughtless tbh. He should have marked the occasion with a card at the very least!

Did he get his own Mum anything?

Does he have a Mother OP? Has he made an effort for her?

It’s hardly likely he didn’t know, it’s been all
over the shops for weeks. YANBU for being disappointed, a small bunch of flowers isn’t difficult. What you accept this year will set the precedent moving forward, so i’d tell him straight, you’ve just birthed his baby for goodness sake!

Happy Mother’s Day to you 💐

Did he do anything for his mum? And did he when he was growing up?

Honestly, I have a lovely, generous, supportive husband and family, we celebrate holidays with joy and cheer, but I couldn't give the smallest eff about Mother's Day. It's really kind of a silly made up day, seemingly designed to make women feel their families aren't performing up to standard. Maybe it was never a thing in his house growing up, so if it matters to you, you need to let him know? Although the AI card thing does sound lame. Does he generally quit things easily?

Enjoy your gorgeous baby which is the real gift!

Yes, because as the previous poster says, becoming a mother doesn't mean "buying into a fatuous one day a year commercialised celebration of motherhood."

Thank you champagneplanet and thanks everyone for your comments xxx

He does have a mom, he doesn't get her anything but he will have messaged her to wish her a happy mother's day. I didnt even expect a gift or a card from him - just a verbal acknowledgement. I have never known my dad and never had a step-dad but I would still have marked his first father's day

Today is the day to remind him that it will be his job to teach the baby how to treat Mum on MD, Birthdays and Christmas for the next few years.

I was given a card and flowers and we’re going out for lunch but I’ve still done all the baby care, the bottles, fed baby and pets and am about to walk the dog. So the day is the same as any other except with flowers :-)
OP acknowledging the day is the bare minimum - you deserve better

Thanks answersonly, I have had a lovely time cuddling and talking to my baby daughter this morning before her nap.

My husband will have messaged his mum to wish her a happy mothers day (which is all I was wanting). Just some kind of acknowledgement. Regarding the attempted AI card, yes he does give up on things very easily. I understand your perspective, thank you, this is helpful - probably he didnt realise it would have upset me.

My dh did nothing for my first Mother’s Day and I was soo upset, I’d already made sure I celebrated his first Father’s Day, albeit not much but I was barely home from hospital and not doing very well. He wasn’t the best partner with the baby either so I really expected some appreciation after carrying us as a family for some time. He was very defensive and a jerk about forgetting it, I told him very very clearly how I felt. He didn’t forget his mum. I didn’t tell him we wouldn’t be continuing with our plans for a second if he didn’t make an effort on my second Mother’s Day, I was going to take myself away the following weekend instead for a few days, he’d just have to work out how to juggle his work day around childcare and I’d do some thinking about a trial separation instead of ttc dc2. Luckily he did make an effort with gift and plans and he’s celebrated Mother’s Day ever since.