to keep him off school some days at the moment

[tinyyturtle]

hello first post so hope im doing this right

i have 3 boys ds1 is 4 and in reception ds2 is 2.5 and doesnt walk and ds3 is 10 weeks old today

school is about 2 miles away and i dont drive. walking isnt really possible for me as i have mobility problems myself so the bus is the only realistic way of doing it

ds2 technically still fits in a normal buggy but it doesnt support him properly and he kind of slumps to one side. he does have a sen buggy but its massive and its honestly a pain on the bus. half the time theres no space and trying to get on with that plus ds1 and the baby in a sling and bags is a whole thing

bus drivers also dont see it as a disabled buggy they just see a big buggy and expect me to fold it. which is hard because then i have to find somewhere safe to put ds2 while i fold it and hold the baby at the same time which isnt exactly easy

people do tut as well which doesnt help

some mornings its just chaos. if i take the big buggy i struggle getting it on and off and folding it while holding the baby. if i take the normal buggy ds2 just slides about and i feel bad about that

the baby cries a lot on the bus too which makes the whole thing more stressful

so the truth is ds1 has missed a fair bit of school recently. more than id like really. some mornings i just cant face doing the whole bus situation and i keep him home

i know reception isnt technically compulsory but i also know its not ideal for him missing days and i do feel guilty about it

aibu to just keep him off sometimes for now until the baby is a bit older and things settle down a bit or should i be pushing myself to get him there every day even if its a nightmare

im honestly exhausted at the moment and just wondering what other people would do in this situation

When I was at school and college, as part of my child care course, we frequently helped out Mums in our locality. I did a child study on a fairly young baby and spent a fair bit of time with him, with Mum around, just lending a hand.
I also did babysitting for cash whist at school, college, for children of various ages.
Cant quite see what’s funny about that?
It was a suggestion to OP, that if she knew of a young person in her area that might like to help her in the mornings, she might find it a help?

That’s incorrevt

school isn’t compulsory from 5, an education is compulsory……

you can choose how to do that. Doesn’t have to be a school

Great advice.

OP, definitely check out Homestart. I was a Homestart volunteer, many years ago and supporting families with young children, is what they are all about. It might be that a volunteer could drive you all to school a couple of days a week. Do you have a health visitor? She might be able to steer you in the right direction, support wise.

You don't need home ed groups at 4. You don't need to 'deliver' education to a 4 year old. They need play opportunities and secure attachments, both available at home with mum and siblings.

OP, you mention you have a SEN buggy so you I assume you must have had some input from Children services. Explain your problems to them and ask for some help to navigate your way through. Honestly, ask. They don't hear a well greased wheel. You need some support, ask for it. x

Do these teenagers live next to the farmer who breeds Unicorns?

I teach this age, and kindly, you are hugely under valuing the education in reception. If his attendance is below 95% the school will likely already be doing intervention lessons for him being behind. Whilst this is great and he’ll hopefully keep up, he’s missing play and other lessons. Your son deserves an education. An early reader and writer will statistically do better. He didn’t choose to have two younger siblings get brothers. Maybe just use breakfast club and get him there early, anything to access an education!

They need opportunities to explore the world and have some independence in an age appropriate way. Being stuck in the house the majority of the time under the guise of 'home educating' isn't fair. Home educating can be great but a frazzled mum of 3 that can't cope with the normal demands of parenting isn't going to actually be doing it in any meaningful way. And it's suggestions like this that totally undermines all the really good home education that does exist and why so many people think it's selfish parents putting their own needs first at the expense of their child's longterm outcomes.

Are you ok?

im sorry, I’m not following why you’re being so rude and dismissive? It was a suggestion -along with everyone else’s - that might help the OP.
Hardly deserving of scornful comments about 😲TEENAGERS!!! and unicorns🤷‍♀️
Not all teenagers are evil child kidnappers and unicorns don’t exist!

🙄

Why are you assuming she is on maternity leave? I got the impression she is a full time mum. I think working on top of all these difficulties with the children will be impossible with no family nearby to help. How could she possibly do all this and also work?

So what are your suggestions as to how she does this? Given she's explained her situation. Do you have any pointers towards help she could access?

I would suggest referring yourself to adult social care for support. Be prepared for a fight, unfortunately.

I disagree. Children aged 4 don't need education delivered to them. They need to play. How is being in your own home worse than being 'stuck' in a classroom? Where you have much less freedom to move, express and explore freely? The OP has 3 children. This is socialising. People have very odd ideas about what education is and how it fits with the child's development.

Also, have you seen how frazzled most teachers are? I'd point you in the direction of staff turnover and teacher vacancies as an indication.

If you’re eye-rolling, you must be tired… time for bed now.
Goodnight 💋

Exactly this. Been diagnosed with ADHD for 20 years and if anything I am always early and annoy everyone with having to know every detail to be over prepared to avoid any upset.

You absolutely need to figure out a new schedule to allow your child to attend school. I sympathise with how hard it may be, but you need to do what you can whether it's school clubs or help and support from your partner.

I would second a new pip application and a dla application for your child. Check in with citizens advice for help with this. Also there is scope for the local authority to assist with transport when the parent is disabled. You would need to talk to school transport initially and you may need to appeal gather medical evidence and perhaps enlist the help of your local councillor. I appreciate all of this is hard work on top of everything else you are doing but I think it’s worth a try if not now at some point because it sounds like the needs of your second child are only going to increase. Very best of luck

Because it's lots of different people. In a different environment. Doing different things. With different ideas. They get a chance to practice speaking to strangers, answering questions, choosing things, trying to do more things for themselves etc.
This clearly isn't about the OPs views on different ways to educate her child and is instead about wanting out of a admittedly difficult sounding chore.
The answer is to keep making the journey. The op doesn't want to do it but she can and does lots of days already so she needs to just keep at it. Hopefully the huge response not giving her the validation she wanted will give her the push to not just sack it off.

To be fair to OP, I'd say this is above the normal demands of parenting considering most children aren't disabled.

What do you do with the younger two all day. If you won't walk, catch the bus or drive, then are they just at home all day? In which case getting the eldest out to school for exercise (to strengthen him, which will help with walking(, socialising and learning is even more critical, if the alternative is sitting at home.

I’d investigate wrap around care and have dad drop off. Mine never particularly loved it, but went 3 x week whole of primary as I had a job. Your son will adapt. Rather that than this situation and will help you out a lot. Or do that 3 x a week; and wrap around twice a week.

Alternatively you can home educate for a while. At 4 its not going to take hours every day. I’d go with part time wrap around, and bus other 2 days. It does sound particularly difficult for you. You need some help.

You just can't get a mobility car....

I appreciate this hasn’t been your experience but I’m not sure why you’re so incredulous it could have been anyone else’s? I did ‘mothers help’ jobs as a teenager, and know several families who use a similar system and some whose teenagers are the helpers. It’s really not earth-shattering? I have no clue if it’s possible for the OP but it’s neither extraordinary nor ridiculous.

I think suggestions to home educate here are extremely misguided.

We used to take another kid to school with ours because his younger sibling was undergoing treatment that suppressed her immune system and made her vomit a lot. We didn’t actually know the family well, they just needed a hand. There will be a local parent who may be willing to help.

Which children don't need at 4. School starting age in the UK isn't related to child development therefore isn't about what is best for children. It is, and always has been, in place for commercial benefit, dating back to its introduction in the 1870 Education Act. With that in mind, why is the answer to keep making the journey?

And as to the 'huge response', let's remember that it's not quantity but quality of data that counts when drawing inferences to action effective change. Just because everyone says it, doesn't make it right.