to keep him off school some days at the moment

[tinyyturtle]

hello first post so hope im doing this right

i have 3 boys ds1 is 4 and in reception ds2 is 2.5 and doesnt walk and ds3 is 10 weeks old today

school is about 2 miles away and i dont drive. walking isnt really possible for me as i have mobility problems myself so the bus is the only realistic way of doing it

ds2 technically still fits in a normal buggy but it doesnt support him properly and he kind of slumps to one side. he does have a sen buggy but its massive and its honestly a pain on the bus. half the time theres no space and trying to get on with that plus ds1 and the baby in a sling and bags is a whole thing

bus drivers also dont see it as a disabled buggy they just see a big buggy and expect me to fold it. which is hard because then i have to find somewhere safe to put ds2 while i fold it and hold the baby at the same time which isnt exactly easy

people do tut as well which doesnt help

some mornings its just chaos. if i take the big buggy i struggle getting it on and off and folding it while holding the baby. if i take the normal buggy ds2 just slides about and i feel bad about that

the baby cries a lot on the bus too which makes the whole thing more stressful

so the truth is ds1 has missed a fair bit of school recently. more than id like really. some mornings i just cant face doing the whole bus situation and i keep him home

i know reception isnt technically compulsory but i also know its not ideal for him missing days and i do feel guilty about it

aibu to just keep him off sometimes for now until the baby is a bit older and things settle down a bit or should i be pushing myself to get him there every day even if its a nightmare

im honestly exhausted at the moment and just wondering what other people would do in this situation

@tinyyturtle if your eldest has his birthday after Easter (so in summer term), then he isn't compulsory school age until September, so you could take him out for the rest of the academic year and apply for a place from September, either to start in Reception or in Year 1, whichever you feel is best for him.

The more you explain about your situation, the more it strikes me that home education is worth considering. It's true you'd still need to wrangle all the kids out the door sometimes, as it's no good for them to be stuck at home every day. But you can do that much more flexibly, by travelling at times which are less busy and perhaps sometimes to easier destinations. If someone is in particular pain or hasn't slept well, you can adapt to that.

Home ed and school can both provide a good education. In the best of all worlds, you would be free to choose whichever was the best fit for each individual child. But family circumstances matter too; I'm sure no one would criticise a parent who had to send a child to school for the free childcare to enable the parent to work, even though that child might be better suited to home ed. Likewise, home education might be the best all-round solution for your family for all sorts of reasons.

Give it some thought anyway.

Of course not. But I’m not sure this specific environment is necessarily going to create a beneficial learning from home environment. She can’t get anywhere and there’s a newborn and a disabled toddler at home. Sounds like this family is in survival mode.

Have you checked to see if your child in entitled to free transport to school? If he is in his closest school and it’s more than 2 miles away he may very well be. Then you can just put him on this transport and not have the difficulty of taking him yourself. If you googlr “apply for transport to school (insert councils name)” you will be able to see where to apply online

@PurpleThistle7 That very much depends on what you think learning is. I can't see any issue. Conversely, the stress caused by the daily commute currently is not benefiting anyone in the situation.

Better to be at home and take trips out as and when they are easier to negotiate. An abundance of playful learning opportunities at home with mum and siblings.

He needs to be at school for his own space and sanity. It's not fair keeping him off so much because you're struggling with the younger ones

I'd leave him learning at home as he has been doing until reception, until he is five years old. The school ought to be fine about it and you can concentrate on the children even during the time you would have been on the awful journey to school and back.

This ⬆️
Did you not think about all this before having baby number 3, OP.

I know it’s not a popular opinion, but 3 little ones under 4 is hard going without your other issues. Your eldest needs go to school, you owe him his education and your “getting there” issues are not an excuse. Perhaps advertise for some help on a casual basis, or ask around at the school. A mum may have a teenager that can give you an hours help a day?

Could you home school ?

Your eldest is only in reception so getting him to read and write and do basic maths would keep him on top of schooling for a while and then if and when your youngest are more physically capable to get on and off a bus or you are in a better position financially to be able to move nearer to school, then you can get them back into school.

I can see you have issues with the physical strength needed to carry a 2.5 year old and a baby as well as look after ds1 getting off the bus.

Why not take the stress away

I home schooled DS because at the end of year 3 despite ds going into school everyday he still couldn’t read. No time for me to teach him as he was expected to do comprehension homework and that was taking up hours each night of me sitting with him and feeling like the stress was wiping years off both of our lives

So going to school isn’t that great

She is only struggling if he goes to school

Then how will she cope with him being compolsory school age? She won't be able to give him 1-1 time to home school adequately with the younger ones there

Not many children in schools get 1-1 time either. I'm sure he'll be fine.

School is not compulsory, but education is.
In many counties including the USA, children start age 6 .
I'd let the school know that he will start after his 5th birthday. Legally they have to be fine with that and mature teachers will agree with you that at the moment, due to many factors, it would be better to not start the awful commute at least until he is 5. You can read lots to him and Youtube has great early learning videos. He will learn a lot.

You're right but they tend to get taken out of the classroom into smaller groups where they don't have toddlers or babies needing attention

You don't think she'd be able to give him as much one-to-one time as he currently gets at school? 😁

No not with a toddler and baby in tow

Not sure if you have tried any of these possible sources of help. Have you spoken to health visitor who might know of sources of help, if your middle son is being treated have you had input from either physiotherapist or occupational therapist, could CAB help you appeal your PIP refusal, or help you apply for your son? Some money coming in might let you pay for a taxi as well as either someone to sit with your your younger children while you take your son to school or accompany your son. Do WRVS have a good neighbour scheme that could help with lifts. Can you husband work go in a bit later and take your oldest to school?

Not every driving instructor is good. Your previous instructor's word is not gospel. You can absolutely learn how to drive with dyspraxia. It might take a bit longer, but you absolutely can get your license before your eldest reaches year 1. With 3 children, their ability to partake in anything extra curricular will be dictated by your ability to drive them. My advice would be to do an intensive course where you do 3-4 hour sessions over one weekend to get going. It will come together for you with the right instructor. Maybe ask for recommendations on a local forum. My first instructor was a moron, but I didn't know it until I had the contrast of working with a top class one. Night and day.

I dont understand why people are getting hung up on him not being CSA now

No he isnt now and therefore education isnt compulsory now, but it will be in September so unless he is home educated very little will be different in September

She'll still have a middle son who wont be able to walk. Her baby by then might be toddling, health needs dependent so she'll have to toddle this toddler along, unless he goes in a buggy and then where does the middle child go?

OP is refusing to consider that her husband needs to change his job/hours or that they need to move. She needs to be within walking distance of the school.

Or HE the children

Your son not being comfortable in new environments isn't reason enough to keep him off school, when breakfast club is an option.

Be the parent, send him to breakfast club (my kids loved it, it was just an hour or so to eat and play with their friends) and make your DH take him.

Your DH holds down a job, he can deal with school drop offs and pick ups.

Why would a 4 year old need 1-1? I'm not understanding the rationale. There are many opportunities to employ playful learning that includes the younger siblings. I'd argue that the home environment, with mum and siblings, provides much more suitable learning opportunities at the age of 4 than a classroom of 30 children. Education at 4 should not be formal.

Hi OP, I haven't read all the replies but could a local charity like home start help? I know a mum with disabled twins who can't drive and a lovely volunteer drives them to appointments etc. I know it's not every day but maybe a couple of times a week would help.

He's 4. Four. 'advertise for some help on a casual basis' 😂What nonsense! I wouldn't have a stranger look after my garden never mind my bairns!

If she's so overwhelmed she can't manage pick up and drop off to school, I doubt she'll manage to deliver any education never mind get out the door with the other two in toe as well to avail of any of the potential social/home ed groups that are about

Not to mention the fact if she can't afford taxis then she probably can't afford to bring it some paid help either.

Unless she appeals PIP and applies for DLA anyway.