Sons Sporting Ambition Thwarted?

[GatheringAllTheMoss]

My son has dreamt of becoming an England player in his team sport (not football) for many years. He's reached county level which is fantastic but he's unlikely to go further. Not through lack of talent but more through the lack of opportunities and the advantages that others have. Out of 40 children at county level the overwhelming majority are at private schools. 10 from one school. You can count the number of state school boys on one hand and one is my son.

Private schools start this sport in year 3, state pupils are lucky to get the chance to play, those that do start in year 7. Private schools play at a higher level e.g. private school will field their B team against sons state school A team. The coaches and facilities are at a higher level too.

At club level my son plays with the men's team not with his age group and there is no development route. I can move him to another club but the chances are high that it will be dominated by the private school boys so my son won't be chosen for the team.

I always appreciated that talent would only take him so far and I was willing to do whatever was needed to get him to that point. Just devastated by the reality of what he faces to succeed and that I never really appreciated this.

Sport is taken a lot more seriously in private schools than in state schools and many offer sports scholarships. They also do more niche and expensive sports. However, for most sports you have to join a club outside school to do it at a very competitive level.

Been there done that; figure skating more $$ than hockey.
0600 ice time absolutely fabulous for ADHD.Same with early am swim club.
Loads of elite athletes hyper souls.
But besides $$ it required loads of parental TIME.
Oddly in the end all three dropped sports at uni/college and none have chosen competitive sports for their own children.

You seem to be missing the element of privilege that enabled those boys to do that.

The sport I’m most familiar with- you know which kids are cream of the crop?

the favourites. The ones selected to receive more hours coaching. The ones allocated mentors, the ones told they will be great- even if they aren’t at the time. The ones that get the medical treatment and rehab for injuries, and are told don’t worry about your team place while you heal. The ones that get training camps and expert coaching.

the ones that get put forward and allocated funding so they can afford training, competition, petrol.

my neighbours son was top junior in his sport. Unbeaten between 13 and 16. The ptb liked the kid a level below, and focussed all their time and resources into that kid. Funded them at 15 while neighbours son was getting better results. Put them on senior camps with the best in the world. Neighbours son constantly told he was as weak in area x, he’d work so hard, to be told yes x is ok, but your weak in area b. No help, no development.

gave them time off and physio when injured, while neighbours son was told if he didn’t compete in x comp he’d lose his place.

it absolutely is not a level playing field. I mean look at eilish mccolgan. You can’t argue with her results, yet she lost her funding because she wouldn’t race coming off an injury. She is at a level where she can continue to train, but do that to a 17 year old just starting out and they’re done.

He should definitely move to the other club. He needs to play against people his own age to know where he ability wise. Also I doubt the other club has13 county players so he likely will be selected for the club team I would imagine. Also I don’t understand how he is a county player but isn’t getting development input from that route. Im thinking the sport is likely hockey as that’s the main sport that private schools would be starting boys with at Y3.

But also what I would add is this: private schools do exactly what parents on MN say they don’t want state schools to do re sport: they focus hard on a fairly narrow number of mandatory team sports - rugby/ hockey/ cricket for boys and hockey/ netball/ cricket for girls. This results in a higher standard because there’s a focus and a lot of practice but if you hate that sport, well tough coz you’re playing it 4 x a week for a term. However, everyone doing the same thing makes it cheaper/ more practical to deliver than a “carousel” type approach.

so there’s an argument that even if state schools took this approach and picked key sports to focus on, parents wouldn’t support it.

Apart from the scholarship idea, is there a secondary sport that would complement this one without the need to excel in the secondary sport?

Would a form of child friendly personal training help at all?

Unfortunately I think your options are some what limited but possibly talking to one of these good schools coaches might give you some other ideas.

My son had a similar experience with Rugby. He played at county level and was at a premiership academy, he also went to England U15 selection camp and Wales U18. He was offered a scholarship to a private school in year 9 which we snapped up ( we really believed it would help him get to his full potential). It essentially ruled our lives for many years. At 18, the academy only chose a small number to continue on contract and those left were just told thanks but no thanks. It was a pretty brutal process if I’m honest.
He was offered an opportunity to go and play for a team in Sydney for 8 months and took that, then we he came home was offered a semi pro contract at a championship league club, but by this point ( aged 19) he had completely fallen out of love with the sport and much to DPs horror, just decided one day that he had no desire to continue with rugby at all.
I think your best opportunity will come through a scholarship if you can source one at a private school, but even then it’s still a hard battle to get up into the higher places of being picked up for selection into prem academy and national camps.

As an ex GB rower who grew upon free school meals I say help him go for it. If he could genuinely become good enough and is seriously driven you should support him as much as you can. It's better for him to try his hardest and not make it than to always wonder and think that you gave up on his dream.

Move his club and speak to the coaches before you do about your concerns. Pick one that's as determined as your son to help him succeed.

I'd imagine private schools have scholarships for the sport. I worked in one that had a 6th form scholarship for state school kids to apply to. Check their GB success before you go to one though as the school I was in sounds like it have a good reputation but was actually pretty useless in getting kids into the GB system.

Good luck to him!! Also check if your council has sports grants to apply to for covering some equipment and travel etc

This is true for a lot of things. My friends dc who have done particularly well in sport or dance have been able to afford to go to training far more than kids from poorer backgrounds. They can afford better kit, can afford to travel more for competitions etc. Yes some kids who are poor but with an amazing raw talent will be spotted and nurtured but for many it comes down to cash.

My daughter (from state primary) got a sports scholarship to an independent secondary, would this be something you could look into? She was county level at her chosen sport.

Reflecting on this, because it's something that's close to my heart as a team manager in grassroots sports, there are just so many factors other than talent and "hard work/ commitment/ determination" by the player that determine how far they will get and it's pretty hard to level the playing field (no pun intended). We try but we can only do so much in reality. In no particular order for the sport I'm involved in but most likely to be more widely applicable

Parental time and commitment: Only child with parent who loves the sport and is happy to spend every Sunday driving around the county for matches/ gets involved with the club and understands the system, has an advantage over a child with multiple siblings with limited or no access to a car / works shifts who can only really commit to home matches and often misses training.

Parents ability to feedback/ coach: Obvious multi-generation link - some might be genetic but obviously a massive help if your parent has also played the sport at a high level and can constructively coach/ feedback/ practice with you.

Club Choice: Again, the kid who has the luxury of choosing the "best" club for development which is 10 miles away and not on public transport over the kid who just has to go to the conveniently located one. Also, just how the years pan out. The coaches are volunteers and usually parents of children in that year. Some coaches are just better than others and we can only use who we have.

Geographic Location: For team sports, living somewhere with reasonably high density of population for match opportunities and squad size - less likely to have to play in a team with big skill differentials (i.e. county and new players in same team). Also how organised/ equitable the county/ club architecture for development is. They are not all equal by any stretch.

Flukey years - Sometimes you are a great player in a brilliant year and dont make the cut for "the next level up". Sometimes you're a slightly less great player in a mediocre / small cohort and you do and then you're able to capitalise on it.

Being one of the oldest in the year- yes it's a thing, plus just variations in how you develop- reaching adult height at 12 vs 16.

Injuries at key times/ missing seasons

There's more but honestly, there is a lot of circumstance involved.

The fact that the ability to start earlier, have more coaching hours and the opportunity to play against higher calibre opponents is due to their parents financial resources.

I don’t think you actually missed it, but either way it shows a deep failing in your personality.

I don’t think any state schools start polo at yr 7, so o doubt it.

We’re in a similar position. DC is very good but the top 6 children in their age group are home schooled and therefore able to train a lot more and use the facilities when there are more opportunities for one to one/small group training. As a family we can’t do that and can’t invest anymore time or money in their training. Nothing beats practice and even a talentless child will get to the top if they just spend more time practicing, sorry OP - it’s really depressing.
The only comforts are a. very very few get to the top b. Those that do have very short careers and then what? c. The best coaches (and therefore those with the longest careers) often aren’t the best players (see Wayne Rooney) d. One injury and it’s literally, game over for so many.

I’m guessing cricket.
Our county trials actually work round availability of the local residential private school.
Residential school means that they’ve training on tap so not reliant on parents driving around all over. Ambitious parents without kids at the school are spending a fortune on private coaching to try and keep their child’s opportunities open. Before anyone suggests they pay for school instead of, the two costs are not in the same region!
It does mean that however talented a state school player is, they’re starting at a disadvantage.

The OP makes me sad. Hockey is a nightmare for this. It is highly unusual for a state school pupil to get into top level hockey (or so it feels at the moment). It is also, on a club level very difficult when girls from private schools are not available every week and then picked over those few state school girls who train and play.eoth committment. Add to the fact that astro turf pitches being required for hockey are being ripped out at state schools and replaced with 4G football pitches which are part funded by the FA - England Hockey don't seem to care.

I know that my DD will never get to the same level as others no matter how hard she works - she simply doesn't have access to the coaches and resources at her excellent state school. We can't afford private education. Hockey, sadly will be a rich person's game.

I am sorry for your son, it is hard to see the work they put in getting them to where they want. And yes, if you have a scholarship and can afford fees - grab it!

I’d definitely change club- get him playing at the best one with a development pathway- I’m guessing this is rugby or hockey. And if it’s these then also look at the universities with the best teams and coaches to consider.

If it's something like cricket then he'll really struggle if he doesn't go to a private school - talent gets you so far but in a team game so much of it is if your face fits. Even scholarships to these schools are basically a discount rather than the scholarship people think it is. My middle DS got offered a scholarship and it was 25% off fees of nearly £40k per year!

I'd encourage him.to enjoy the game for what it is. The vast majority of people will never represent their county let alone country, so many give up when they get dropped at 16 so if he continues playing and loving the game as an adult then I think that's a real win, tbh.

I disagree, as in in my experience, the best coaching, skills and player pathway development comes via the club and county route. My DC all played various sports at regional level and eventually won scholarships at a sporty school with amazing facilities. BUT, the clubs still played at a higher level and this was well known between the sporty parents and also acknowledged by the school. This was my experience across 4 major sports. If your DC is good enough, they will succeed.

are any of those private schools nearby. Could you approach them about your son training with them afterschool? It might open up a scholarship opportunity too.

My guess is this might be cricket. Agree with other posters that seeking a sports scholarship to a private school ( or even public school) whatever the sport is would be your best bet. Or be the big fish in a smaller pond and just enjoy it as a hobby.

Our county is the opposite - they offer some specific opportunities that clearly state they are for state school children only. They also offer reduced cost options based on people’s finances.

My cousin got a sports scholarship to Millfield - sadly she got a career ending injury in the first term (she did marry a baronet she met there by that’s by the by). It’s definitely worth looking into a scholarship to one of the schools.

Also have a read of the article in The Economist “why child prodigies rarely become elite performers”. Your son has plenty of time to make whatever he wants of himself in sport. The tortoise beats the hare when it comes to excellence in sport as an adult.

I agree with this. I mentioned above that my daughter is on a sports scholarship at an independent secondary (from state primary), but she plays her sport at a far higher level for her club than she does at school.