Walking alone at night

[LeaveMeBee]

Question.
Because I am trying to understand if AIBU.... I have been dating someone for 3 years. He quite frequently lets me walk alone in the dark through cut-throughs.. Doesn't offer to see me home safe (it would add about five minutes extra walking to his journey to do so) and I've just had a situation where I've made some comments about it and we had a few cross words.
He thinks I'm being unreasonable because "not all men".. Whereas I think, why would he not want to see me home safe?

So it's like if we've been to a restaurant and then walked back and we get to a certain point where his place is in one direction and mine is in the other.. And rather than see me home, he'll just say goodbye and see me off alone.

I want a partner to be protective and chivalrous... He seems to think I enjoy being strong and independent, but it's because I have no choice but to be!

I don't mean to sound like a princess. I am just taken aback when he doesn't offer to walk me back. It doesn't feel like he's wanting to be protective or like he cares about my well-being.

He's not very chivalrous. Put your house keys between your fingers. If anyone tries to attack you give em a good wallop with your fist and the keys!!

My DH would never do this. Not at any stage of our relationship. He always dropped me to the door and if we were driving separately he would always check to see I was home safe. If I go out with my friends he collects me. You are definitely not being unreasonable. He’s a lazy fucker.

It’s odd he doesn’t at least offer. As for the “not all men” argument, fine, but some are.

It’s not great.

You are a grown woman, you are perfectly able to manage your own journey home. Get an Uber.

You are being unreasonable in not walking yourself home - men are actually at greater risk walking so you should walk him home really

but if you want an old fashioned and illogical bloke that’s what you want and yanbu to seek what you want

He should walk with you if for no other reason than you don't feel safe walking alone.

But he is less safe ?????

This would put me right off him tbh and actually make me feel quite resentful

You are being unreasonable in not walking yourself home - men are actually at greater risk walking so you should walk him home really

Eyes rolling so far into the back of my head, I can see my brain.

Yes, going 5 minutes out of his way to not walk you home safely, he's a twat.

You know he is. Stop trying to excuse him.

Anyone who thinks this is fine, has their bar set low.

It's not about being equal or anything like that. It's about how he treats you as a girlfriend/partner.

He doesn't care.

No. And you know he isn't, so stop being ridiculous

I would like to be walked home, but I do see this is a failing on my part. I'd be safer but he would be less safe.

Yuck. I would bin him sharpish. My dh would never let me walk home alone. never. He carries my bags, he opens doors, he does whatever he can to make my life easier and keep me safe.

Dating for 3 years… my now husband ordered me taxis whenever I would go to his which was a less desirable part of London

You deserve better if you want a serious future

If I need to walk the dog after dark, my 13 year old son insists on coming with me. Just think about that for a second, a 13 year old boy is more considerate than your BF!

And his argument is "not all men?". ummm, you're not worried about ALL men, just the ones who might attack you. That's just a weird argument!

I know this may sound dramatic, but this would be a dealbreaker for me. I want a man to be caring, and protective, and kind, and look after me and be concerned for my welfare.

And IDGAF what anyone thinks, or if anyone accuses me of being 'a fragile iccle princess' and I should be able to look after myself 'becuz feminism!' Fact is, men and women are NOT equal. We are different. And vive la différence.

I wouldn't be taking this relationship any further @LeaveMeBee and I would be looking into ending it with him ASAP. He does not have your back. Imagine when you are more vulnerable... Pregnant, not working and earning, ill and needing care? He won't be there for you. He won't share. He is not kind.

Sounds as though you're not compatible. Personally I can think of nothing worse than a man who opened doors for me and "wouldn't let me" walk home alone.

Lazy fucker doesn't care about you. Even when I was 15 my boyfriend walked me home to the door after being at his house!

I would ditch him

He's an idiot with "not all men" and that would annoy me in its own right. Presumably you're not worried about all men converging on your home town to attack you in the street at night, but the risk that one man will. Since one is all it takes to kill you or destroy your life forever.

It's a turn of phrase.

He’s not the man you want, it doesn’t really matter who is right or wrong. Why settle for someone you’re not compatible with?

I think it's wise of you to consider the risk and don't think you are being unreasonable. In this case I agree that he should support you to get home safely. I'm a distance runner and regularly find myself in the middle of nowhere with my Labrador who I don't think provides much of a deterrent. I've recently been considering ways of keeping myself a bit safer but the options are quite limited. Pepper spray is illegal in the UK as considered a firearms offence so it definitely seems weighted in the favour of potential attackers which seems mad to me. The only other suggestions that may be an option would be to have a set of keys to hand or a tactical pen.

Exactly! If my husband had say, a cancer scare, and had to go for tests, and scans and the like, I wouldn't let him go alone! No way would he face it alone! It's not controlling or bossy. It shows you care, and that you love that person.

Re; the OP's dilemma; any man who wilfully lets the woman he claims to love walk home alone in the dark is not worth shit IMO, and would be dumped yesterday!

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Neither can I. If you want that kind of man perhaps you should look elsewhere. I would find it suffocating but people have different needs.