Walking alone at night

[LeaveMeBee]

Question.
Because I am trying to understand if AIBU.... I have been dating someone for 3 years. He quite frequently lets me walk alone in the dark through cut-throughs.. Doesn't offer to see me home safe (it would add about five minutes extra walking to his journey to do so) and I've just had a situation where I've made some comments about it and we had a few cross words.
He thinks I'm being unreasonable because "not all men".. Whereas I think, why would he not want to see me home safe?

So it's like if we've been to a restaurant and then walked back and we get to a certain point where his place is in one direction and mine is in the other.. And rather than see me home, he'll just say goodbye and see me off alone.

I want a partner to be protective and chivalrous... He seems to think I enjoy being strong and independent, but it's because I have no choice but to be!

I don't mean to sound like a princess. I am just taken aback when he doesn't offer to walk me back. It doesn't feel like he's wanting to be protective or like he cares about my well-being.

Personally I would be irritated if a man did insiston walking me all the way home, but that's irrelevant here. It's important to you, it clearly isn't important to him, and if neither of you feels able to compromise then you probably aren't truly compatible in the long run.

Ubers are tracked, though. You can also let a friend track you the entire journey if you want. It's a lot safer than walking home late at night by yourself. Anyone who's dodgy is likely going to aim for a woman that wouldn't be able to identify him later.

YADNBU
Only 5 minutes out of his way!!?

My boyfriend used to walk about 50-60 minutes out of his way to make sure I got home safely.

Sorry yours is a dipshit in my opinion.

"I want a partner to be protective and chivalrous."

So why are you continuing to date someone who can't be arsed to walk you home? Especially as you think he's lazy too. Wow, what a prize....

You don't buy a sow's ear if you want a silk purse, so why date someone who is not what you want?

If I was to say something this is exactly what i would say.

He should want to make sure you get home safely, he doesn’t make sure , he doesn’t care 🤷🏻‍♀️ , as ColinOfficeTrolley has said .
I was seeing a neighbour of mine one time , that’s a bit ago & I wasn’t seeing him for very long , he lives 2 exists away from me , like 10 min walk , also he’s an arsehole being honest but he still walked me to my door though .

It’s not great tbh, I met up with a female friend on Saturday and she insisted on walking me back to the car even though I pointed out she would now have to walk back a short way on her own!!

I would definitely think less of a man who behaved like this.

No one said anything about a woman not being able to do do whatever a man can. You are being deliberately disingenuous.

The OP has indicated that she does not feel secure walking home alone in the dark when she goes out with her boyfriend. They've been together 3 years - they're not strangers. If he cared about her at all he would offer to accompany her home - it's an extra 5 minutes for him.

Women are particularly vulnerable on their own at night as we all know.
Men may be more at risk of physical assault by other men than women but that is most likely due to men vastly outnumbering women when it comes to crime of any kind. Also, groups of drunk young men regularly end up in fights at the weekend all over the country - women to a much lesser degree.

Rape victims on the other hand are overwhelmingly female.
88% of rape victims are female vs 12% of men.
This is because men are between 40% to 75% stronger than women with a few exceptions. If women were are as big and strong as men, rape of women by men would be on a par with rape of men by men.

You have hit the nail on the head op. It's sheer laziness and shows you very clearly where you are in his list of priorities. For context not even my work colleagues would let me walk home) back to the hotel alone. Even if it was out of their way.

Who's going to walk him home then? You're not statistically at more risk of being attacked than he is - it's him by a long mile when it comes to stranger perpetrated violence.

It would have been an automatic dumping offence for me the first time it happened.

Same for my Gen X kids. DD would dump, and DS wouldn’t dream of not walking GF home.

Of course women are more at risk of being attacked. Have you not noticed that women are generally weaker than men? Women just don't walk around at night as much as men do and that's why they're not attacked as much. It scares me how little understanding of basic maths some people have.

I am genuinely shocked at the number of people who are more fearful for men walking alone than for women.
Presumably you see all your male friends to their doors when you go out? But not the women.

This would be a line in the sand for me…..even as a teenager boys would walk me home … if it was an hour out of their way.
I’d certainly expect my grown up partner to walk/drive me home.
H will pick me up from anywhere but then I’d drive to pick him up too.

Yeah I don't like the sound of that .. I'd expect a man to make sure I got home safe or expect my sons to make sure their girlfriends got home safely ..
Not just leave them to walk home alone is it early days move on .

I'd say those posters are blokes trolling for fun.

Troll

Me too. I’d find it patronising and infantilising. If you want ‘ chivalry’ that’s fine but it’s not desirable for everyone. Agree that OP is just not compatible with this guy.

I came here to say the same thing. Women take much better care of their own safety, generally, than men do, and thus fall victim to stranger attacks less frequently. BUT...that doesn't mean that they could abandon all those precautions and walk the streets without incident.

Mini can of deep heat. Same thing with a legit use

He says you ‘guilt trip’ him and lets you walk home alone in the dark through cut throughs. No. Wouldn’t want this lack of care in a partner - he sounds selfish and too ‘boundaried’ for me.

Let's hope so.

Where has OP said she wants him to insist on walking her home, whether she likes it or not? She wants him to walk her home, and he is refusing. That's very different.

Not true! It’s far more nuanced than “men are less safe”

Statistically men are as likely to be a victim of violent crime eg mugging, perhaps more because more women tend to not walk alone as much… leading to my second point, women are FAR more likely to be a victim of sexually motivated crimes than men. It’s a solid fact. You could argue being a victim of a sexually motivated crime or a murder is worse than being mugged?

And thirdly, men statistically feel safer out at night - “seen in June 2021, across all settings after dark, a higher proportion of women reported feeling very or fairly unsafe compared with men (Figure 2).” ONS study

In addition to the great points above, those crime numbers include gangs, drugs etc are male dominated and included in the male figures. So the reality for James walking home late from work is not the same for James who's a gang member dealing drugs.

What utter nonsense. Posted for reaction. So annoying🤨