Walking alone at night

[LeaveMeBee]

Question.
Because I am trying to understand if AIBU.... I have been dating someone for 3 years. He quite frequently lets me walk alone in the dark through cut-throughs.. Doesn't offer to see me home safe (it would add about five minutes extra walking to his journey to do so) and I've just had a situation where I've made some comments about it and we had a few cross words.
He thinks I'm being unreasonable because "not all men".. Whereas I think, why would he not want to see me home safe?

So it's like if we've been to a restaurant and then walked back and we get to a certain point where his place is in one direction and mine is in the other.. And rather than see me home, he'll just say goodbye and see me off alone.

I want a partner to be protective and chivalrous... He seems to think I enjoy being strong and independent, but it's because I have no choice but to be!

I don't mean to sound like a princess. I am just taken aback when he doesn't offer to walk me back. It doesn't feel like he's wanting to be protective or like he cares about my well-being.

I'm sure Sarah Everard had the same thought.

But violent attacks on men are still far common than sexual attacks on women. A woman’s chances of getting home unharmed in any way are higher than a man’s.

It is a 2026 not a Jane Austen novel, you are a grown woman who should be capable of being able to get to and from places without a chaperone

Are women not capable of being an adult these days?

Dump him!

This!

I would find this a massive, massive turn-off. Of course he should be seeing you home safe. My horrible exH was like this.

They're at greater risk of being mugged, not at greater risk of being raped and murdered like OP is.

Gosh my son wouldn’t even let his mate walk home alone! Certainly not a girlfriend!
Thus guy is not a keeper.

At least he has a chance, being evenly matched with a male attacker. OP is not evenly matched with a potential attacker.

Exactly. The "women are safer on the street than men" didn't work for her, did it.

My 18 year old daughter’s boyfriend walks her home after she spends any time at his or if they go out elsewhere. And has done for the two years they’ve been dating. He seems very aware of the inherent risk involved with a woman walking alone at night. I wouldn’t think much of him if he didn’t.

My dd is at uni and all of her mates (girls and boys) never let anyone walk back alone. They always make sure one or two are together. It’s pretty standard behaviour to care about your friends’ safety. Your bf is a dick. I vote ltb too.

He should be making sure you get home safe,end of.my lovely just turned 17 ye old son always walks his girlfriend home.

I find it more strange that you go home separately after a night out tbh. After 3 years I would have thought you’d stay at each others after a date night

What do you do when you go out at night without him?
If you've gone out with friends or have a work event or done a late yoga class/evening class/choir practice, how do you get home then?

And he turned out to be a gigantic baby.

To me, a man making dure his gf gets home safely is a hallmark of maturity.

To all those women on here who think it’s ok to walk home in the dark late at night:

I used to think the same, until I was attacked.

You never think it will happen to you, but it can happen to any of us. Do not take the risk.

I think a little bit if personal responsibility is needed here. He isn't 'letting you walk down dark cut throughs' you are choosing to do that. Pick a better route home, stick to brightly lit streets where you can, cut throughs might shorten your journey but it probably isn't the brightest thing to do.

How caring is he generally?

While I tend to be happy walking myself around most areas, is it a symptom of him being lazy or uncaring?

I had a short-lived boyfriend at uni who was happy to let me walk a mile alone through the red-light district to the bus stop in the city centre.
He had a car.
I thought I was being a strong, independent woman. With hindsight, he was a lazy fucker who didn't care much.

Most of my friends (and DH) would put in the offer if practical.

Wow. Just wow. Can you even contemplate staying with someone who literally does not GAF about any potential threat to your safety? In addition, why doesn’t he actually want to spend the tiny bit of extra time with you at the end of your date? Sheesh. You’re worth more than that. Bin him. He’s a lazy selfish twat.

Blatant lie. 99% of male attacks on women are never reported to the police, so your "statistics" are bogus.

Men are more likely to be murdered because more men are more involved in violent criminal behaviour. Fact is, men are the violent half of the population. They're not only bigger and stronger but have (on average) 3 times the muscle mass of women.

The OP isn't worried about another woman attacking her for good reason. The odds of that happening are 1) infinitesimal and 2 ) she'd have a decent chance of defending herself.

Hmmm, I'm on the fence here.
Whilst I'm agreeing with the posts saying "you're a grown woman, you can make your own way home" (as yes, I am and frequently think nothing of walking places by myself) it's the fact that he doesn't seem to want to walk with you and see you home safely. That's just natural to want to do that, surely. He doesn't sound very caring about you, sorry.
YANBU

I'm not curtailing my freedom on a worry over what might or might not happen. With that attitude I'd never get in a car or cross the road.
(Sorry to hear you were attacked though, I understand why you feel the way you do )

I'm I'd be very surprised if 99% of random male on female attacks are not reported to the police,where are you getting those stats from?

Men are roughly 2–3 times more likely than women to be victims of random attacks by strangers. Women are more likely to be victims of violence from people that they know than men.

No one is disputing that men are more violent in general but men can be and are victims of men too.

Wow! I thought it was just standard that the guy walks the lady home. Why risk anything happening to you when it’s avoidable.

Even my 17 yo walks his gf home, it’s just common decency.

I wouldn’t be with him OP.