Walking alone at night

[LeaveMeBee]

Question.
Because I am trying to understand if AIBU.... I have been dating someone for 3 years. He quite frequently lets me walk alone in the dark through cut-throughs.. Doesn't offer to see me home safe (it would add about five minutes extra walking to his journey to do so) and I've just had a situation where I've made some comments about it and we had a few cross words.
He thinks I'm being unreasonable because "not all men".. Whereas I think, why would he not want to see me home safe?

So it's like if we've been to a restaurant and then walked back and we get to a certain point where his place is in one direction and mine is in the other.. And rather than see me home, he'll just say goodbye and see me off alone.

I want a partner to be protective and chivalrous... He seems to think I enjoy being strong and independent, but it's because I have no choice but to be!

I don't mean to sound like a princess. I am just taken aback when he doesn't offer to walk me back. It doesn't feel like he's wanting to be protective or like he cares about my well-being.

You'd have to ask men that, if it's something they value in a woman.

(I don't mean to speak for all women but I do think it's decent if a man walks a woman home)

What do you do when you're out with female friends? If you're nervous then ask him and I would hope he would support you. However, I also think you should be able to make your way home by yourself.

Have you got stats on this? I thought men (particularly young men) were statistically more likely to be attacked when alone at night. Women are at far higher risk from men that they know, but I'm not sure about attacks from strangers.

Do you not spend more time with your partner (e.g.at home) than you spend walking around late at night by yourself?

Men are far more likely to walk around late at night than women so while there might be more attacks it doesn't mean it is riskier for them.

When I was 14 I got a pt job in the local chip shop. Even though it was only a 5 minute walk along residential streets my boss always asked his son to walk me to my door if I worked a late shift. They were Greek.

Ive always walked around confidently at night even in some of the roughest inner cty estates. I disliked it more walking home along the main streets where there were drunks and yobbos calling out to me.

I don't I've with my partner so probably no. And I finish work late quite a lot of the time. When I didn't have the car for whatever reason I'd often walk home at midnight and think nothing of it

So you spend more time walking around alone at night than you do with your partner (at home or anywhere)?

Sounds like he needs some lessons on what life is like for women out there. Perhaps he just doesn’t recognise the fear and precautionary way we have to approach almost every aspect of our lives.
Do you talk about stuff like this?

If he were walking home and a woman was in front of him, alone, would he cross the street so as not to scare her etc.
If not, you either educate him, or dump him!!

I think he sounds awful and I don't say that lightly.

I would be so turned off by any guy who wouldn't walk an extra ten minutes to check a woman got home safely; brother, friend, colleague, partner.

When we went out as a gang of young women we had it drummed into us we dropped off in a taxi and waited till we saw our friend getting into the house. We never left anyone to find their way home alone. Women are more vulnerable than men although I hate to admit it.

I was once on a dinner date with a man I knew socially in the centre of town. We arranged our next date and then he said goodbye to me on the street as we had arrived at his bicycle and I could 'hail a taxi'. I didn't see him again. He called me a princess for wanting to be walked go the rank and seen safely into a cab.

It's bad manners, lazy and uncaring.

What evidence are you basing this on?

I would argue that the reason that women are less likely to to walk alone at night is because of the perception (rather than fact) that they are in more danger.

Why are you asking for evidence that women are less likely to walk around alone at night than men if you agree that they are.

I'm not doubting that women are out less. As a society we have taught women and girls (wrongly in my opinion) that they should live in fear and to restrict their movements to the point where some women are unwilling to go out alone at night. We have lost the ability to assess risk based on reality rather than perception.

I asked for evidence that women are more at risk from strangers than men. You are the one claiming the statistics suggesting otherwise are wrong but have nothing to back your claim. In reality we should be more concerned about our young men going out than our young women.

I haven't said anything about the statistics. My point is that even if more men are attacked than women at night it doesn't mean that men are at higher risk of attack than women. You have to take into account how many men walk around late at night versus women. It is simple maths. And pretty naive to think that women are not more vulnerable than men given we are generally physically weaker.

How much added protection does a woman bring to a lone man vs the other way round?

Extra pair of eyes

You sound a bit over the top. Get an Uber.