Walking alone at night

[LeaveMeBee]

Question.
Because I am trying to understand if AIBU.... I have been dating someone for 3 years. He quite frequently lets me walk alone in the dark through cut-throughs.. Doesn't offer to see me home safe (it would add about five minutes extra walking to his journey to do so) and I've just had a situation where I've made some comments about it and we had a few cross words.
He thinks I'm being unreasonable because "not all men".. Whereas I think, why would he not want to see me home safe?

So it's like if we've been to a restaurant and then walked back and we get to a certain point where his place is in one direction and mine is in the other.. And rather than see me home, he'll just say goodbye and see me off alone.

I want a partner to be protective and chivalrous... He seems to think I enjoy being strong and independent, but it's because I have no choice but to be!

I don't mean to sound like a princess. I am just taken aback when he doesn't offer to walk me back. It doesn't feel like he's wanting to be protective or like he cares about my well-being.

Your personal safety is your responsibility. That being said, he does sound a little bit uninvested.

Basically you want a partner to be protective and chivalrous, this one isn't! So if that's what you want, then tell him so. If he comes out with the 'not all men ,,,' shit, then tell him, 'no, not all men, but it only takes one, and it happens all too often which makes me feel unsafe, therefore you either see me safely all the way home, or we say goodbye now, and I'll find someone who cares enough to keep me safe, your choice!'

It may be upsetting to part ways after all this time OP, but men don't generally improve with time, and if he doesn't do this for you now, he's likely to do less and less for you as time goes on, so better part now, than be back here in another few years, mourning the fact that he simply doesn't care about you.

Its not about 'letting' you do anything.

He has the option of going 5 minutes out of his way to make you more comfortable and safer. He didn't bother to see it and when pointed out to him he didn't want to do it. And quoted misogynistic bollock's about "not all men" - obviously not all men ... but enough men for it to be a problem. What a donut.

I'd throw him back tbh op, he sounds selfish and self centred and like there are some misogynistic under currents there whether he's aware of them or not.

Thats not even remotely true.

Greater risk of what? Rape? Tripping over? Greater risk of what, specifically?

Even my BF, who is way more anxious than me, and I way out independence him, insists on walks me to the car which is parked a few mins away, AND I have my dog with me.

I mean, I don’t know if it’s a deal breaker per se, only you can decide that, but I’d certainly be looking at his other behaviours… and his rationale stinks. If he cares for you, and knows you would prefer it, why not still just do it. It’s only a few mins, is he really that lazy and selfish?

I'm always surprised that people think an Uber is a good option for a lone woman (or man come to that).

I'd much rather walk or get the bus.

OP he's not very nice. He should see you home. Find someone else who cares about you.

Quite. Men get attacked outside pubs and the like for looking at someone's girlfriend. They don't get followed by strangers intent on raping them or worse.

Sorry. Red flag to me.

Unless you get him to see your pov. And even then..

He sounds like a tosser.

It depends on the area, how many people are about, how well lit etc. If you’re unsafe to walk alone, he probably is too.

It isn’t all men….but it’s always a man.

It is controlling and bossy if he specifically requested to go alone.

It's always a surprise with me that anyone thinks walking alone late at night is a better option than an Uber. An Uber is tracked; you can send links to multiple friends to also track it.

I'm most definitely not a troll - what just because I disagree? I'm a gender critical feminist, who refuses to be frightened of the dark, especially as I'm perfectly aware of the actual recorded statistics around stranger-perpetuated violence.

The OP is at far, far more risk from her partner than some imaginary boogeyman in the dark. That's the fucking truth we should be sharing.

You can't just compare the number of attacks. Women rarely walk in the dark late at night alone whereas they are with partners all the time.

I’d dump any man who tried the NAMALT bullshit on me.

You obviously haven't a lot of experience of 'cut-throughs' or short cuts often not as well lit as streets and a bit creepy.

But she's not going 5 mins out of her way to make sure he is back safe either

Where's on earth do you get that from. I'm in a group of 6 women. If we go out we all make our separate ways home at night

Sexist or what??

Men that are attacked at night is usually by other men. What's your point?

What do you suppose people leaving work have to do. Not everyone can afford constant taxis

What??

Well saying a man isn't decent for not walking a woman home but no one say a woman isn't decent for not walking a man home