I can’t bring myself to buy a ‘world’s best mum’ Mother’s Day card

[Bumblebeeforever]

I just wondered if anyone is in the same boat, every year I go to buy a Mother’s Day card and find myself unable to pick up anything that says ‘greatest mum’ or ‘best mum’, I usually just end up with a Happy Mothers Day one, although it seems silly, my mums fine, she’s hasn’t done anything wrong, she wasn’t abusive or horrible, and there are much worse mums out there, but I just can’t bring myself to send a card saying she’s the greatest when it feels like a lie. She’s quite selfish and was very controlling when I was younger and made some choices that now as a parent myself I look back on and don’t understand. She’d be very hurt if she knew I felt this way.

I have this issue with Fathers Day. I just get a fairly neutral one.

I’m with you, op. There’s a reason they sell the neutral cards.

My mum loves us but is difficult, emotionally unregulated, neurotic. Finding a way to have a relationship with her has been a job of work but I feel I’ve made good progress with it. Last year I gave her a card saying “my lovely mum” and felt good about it and that felt like quite a big thing. It’s definitely worth honouring your actual feelings and if that’s a neutral card then that’s better than something you don’t mean and that makes you feel worse about it all.

I can usually track down a card that wishes something along the lines of “a day as lovely as you are” or “the kind of day that you deserve”. That about covers it.

I actually do think my mum is the world’s best mum, but I never buy her a card that says that because they’re usually quite naff cards. I generally just pick the one with the artwork I think she’ll like best.

100% I hear you, my mum wasn't abusive and did her best but is very emotional immature and we have a difficult and shallow relationship. I used to do all the best mum bollocks because I was caught up in a toxic and co-dependent space with her. These days I typically cheat and get my DD to make her a card, she is a much better granny than she was a mum so it can have a genuine sentiment to it and I'll just send a token gift like a book I think she'll like. I don't want her to be hurt as she's not a bad woman she's just not a great mum and I don't want to celebrate her mothering.

That’s awful:(

I accidentally got one that said “you are like a mother to me”

This really resonates. I find myself getting upset in Clinton’s reading all the ”World’s Best Mum” cards and being reminded that other people are lucky enough to feel that. My DM wouldn’t even qualify for a “Barely Adequate Mum” card. I wish they made more cards that just said “Happy Mother’s Day” or “Happy Birthday Mum” without all the gushing sentiment.

I know what you mean. My mum was great in many respects, but she did a lot of things that undermined my confidence and self-esteem which have had a big impact on my as an adult.

Ha ha mine is the same. She is actually a brilliant mom, probably top 1% nationally. But she's a painfully logical woman and would find a "worlds best mom" card disingenuous. Perhaps if I could get a "[village]'s Best Mom".
And yes it would have to be mom not mum as we're in the Black Country which adds another layer of complexity onto the process

The thing is it's not just childhood our mother is our mother, for. The relationship continues to evolve throughout life and they tend to mellow out a bit as they age and we tend to stop arguing with them. Think about this- is she there for you ?

'Worlds best mum' is a silly phrase. There's no such thing and all real mums are flawed to some extent. Happy mothers day is fine.

Mine for this year says something like, "I was going to get you a card that said, 'World's Best Dad', but I know you hate sarcasm," which works on several levels...

I’m the same - she wasn’t the best Mum, now 80+ with dementia
I settle for with love - because I do - and large print as she is losing her sight - it’s tricky

Top 1%! Love it!

Happy Mother’s Day cards are there for us. In my case I don’t have a nice dm. But DH would buy one too, as they don’t do gushy in his family. MIL is a great dm. (Just in case anybody receives one and thinks they’re not appreciated).

Absolutely the same OP. I picked one up today which just said ‘with love on Mothers Day’. I couldn’t bring myself to buy the ‘for the world’s best Mum’ or ‘Thanks for all you do’ cards because it would be a lie.

This is it, she’s not bad she’s just not the mother I needed, she’s not much of a granny either. For example when my first child was born my grandad made a big thing about opening a bank account and putting £1,000 in to give her ‘the best start in life’ sadly he passed away before my second child was born, and my mum inherited everything from him, about £500k. I asked her if she could give my second child £1,000 from her inheritance as grandad was always very strict about keeping things exactly equal between me and my sibling, so I’m sure that’s what he would’ve wanted, and her response was ‘oh, I don’t think I’ve got money for children’s bank accounts’.

I got a nice basic one in Lidl or Aldi that just said Happy Mothers Day with no puke inducing verses inside. Had balloons on the front

I saw this Father’s Day card a while ago and found it so strange that I took a picture. Why give a card if you feel like that? But actually on reflection I can understand it more.

Yanbu. I never send “world’s best dad” etc on Father’s Day as it wouldn’t be true.
“Happy Mother’s Day” on the front is fine.

I find this thread really sad becasue both my parents were abusive and my 80 year old father tried to break into my house and attack me last week!

but your post made me laugh so much and I havent laughed for months becasue I have such severe depression.

and my mother was the same - managed to get everything she wanted in life but destroy mine

It’s a relief I don’t have to bother with the Mother’s Day farce any more. She died a few years ago and all I’ve felt since is relief.

This is the card I bought

I have this dilemma every birthday and mother's day. Same thing, not awful, good childhood but she's never made any real attempt to understand me. I always send a plain card.