I can’t bring myself to buy a ‘world’s best mum’ Mother’s Day card

[Bumblebeeforever]

I just wondered if anyone is in the same boat, every year I go to buy a Mother’s Day card and find myself unable to pick up anything that says ‘greatest mum’ or ‘best mum’, I usually just end up with a Happy Mothers Day one, although it seems silly, my mums fine, she’s hasn’t done anything wrong, she wasn’t abusive or horrible, and there are much worse mums out there, but I just can’t bring myself to send a card saying she’s the greatest when it feels like a lie. She’s quite selfish and was very controlling when I was younger and made some choices that now as a parent myself I look back on and don’t understand. She’d be very hurt if she knew I felt this way.

Yeah, my mum gets a "Happy Mother's Day" card with no other message, and if I'm honest I make sure the picture on it isn't specially nice either.

My MIL, on the other hand, gets a big fold-out card with gushy verses (she loves gushy verses for some reason). Because my MIL is genuinely lovely.

Luckily they don't visit each other to see the discrepancy...

No, she really isn’t there for me. There was a time DH had to go into hospital for a minor operation and I asked her to come and stay for the weekend to help me with the children and she said no, I can’t imagine a loving mum doing that.

I think not just Mother's Day but in general some cards are just way over the top. I struggle a bit with birthday cards for certain family members as I don't want to get a "wonderful" this or "best" that. And then the words inside can be gushing. Takes me ages sometimes to choose a nice but not OTT one.

I'm the same. But even if my mum was amazing, surely technically not everyone's mum can be "the world's best mum", can they?

I generally don't like sentiment or lots of wording on my cards for anyone. I didn't write those words, they're the words of someone else who has never met the person receiving the card. Really quite weird to present them to a loved one as of they were my own.

I much prefer blank on the inside and just a simple, elegant design on the front.

Ages ago I told my adult child to never get me a "world's best mum" card because I have always fully acknowledged that I am very far from being this. Wish they made ones that say "Mum, you did your best"

I'm with surrealpotato. The trick is to be in a family that really dislikes pre-written text, horrible saccharine verses etc. Then one can just get a card with a beautiful art reproduction and write whatever one wants inside.

Yeah, my mum was totally fab but she was a scientist and unless she’d been formally assessed by experts and the assessment peer reviewed she wouldn’t have accepted a ‘World’s Best Mum’ card without challenge.

Sounds a lot like mine. Love the idea of your mum sending it back with a brief rebuttal citing lack of evidential rigour. (Sorry for your loss, whenever it was, she sounds great)

I usually look for a blank card and write my own message. There are usually ones with flowers on etc that are appropriate. The slushy ones aren't for me either, we don't have that kind of relationship although no falling out, we get on well, just not close.

I struggle to find a card basic enough for my DM.

I am the same even at 55yrs old now. My mother never hugged me or showed me love like I see other daughter/mothers do. My advice is just let it go. It’s not your fault. X

Im the same. Spend ages most years looking for the one card that just says happy mothers day without all the awful gushing poetry.

I'm so glad I gave you a laugh, when you're clearly in need of one. The funny thing is, my brother was still living with her at the time, and he just got weeks of 'does she really think I used to kick her?', regardless of how often we tried to explaining that kicking bum was a good thing. Both my brothers got the occasional wallop (normal for the time and place), but she never touched me at all!

My issues aren't like yours. We were brought up in an extreme version of a religion, and I just struggle with the fact that everything is deferred to Jesus and we were just her assistants in saving the world. These aren't my kids (ie us), THESE are my kids, she'd say pointing to the hordes that she'd pick up in a minibus from dodgy estates to save them. It was also very obvious that my dad was a safety risk, but instead of doing anything she just prayed really hard. Which, surprisingly didn't work.

I could have written that OP. I can’t buy any card with those type of words so look for ‘ have a nice day ‘ wording .

You do know that "world's best mum' (and similar) are a joke, right??

The sentiment behind it is something like "Yeah, we know this isn't quite true but I appreciate that you were trying, and you've managed well enough for us to share this joke together, despite our differences."

I'm currently drinking coffee from a Marvellous Mum mug that my son gave me years ago. For accuracy, it should have said "Good Enough Mum, Quite A Lot of The Time."

There are plenty of cards to choose from - my DH always just gets one with “happy Mother’s Day” for the same reasons, his dm is fine but they don’t have a close relationship.

My DM wasn’t great when I was younger either so I know where you’re coming from. She definitely didn’t put my needs first the way I have with my own dc. As I’ve got older though I’ve realised that her life wasn’t the same as mine, it was probably more difficult for various reasons and she was a very young mother.

Thanks for this. Thought it was just me and felt guilty for it. ‘Everything’s fine but it feels like a lie’ resonates with me so much.

Amazing!

I feel exactly the same every year and I feel terrible about it every time. My mum sounds similar to yours - a decent mum but problematic.

Snap. And the bloody irony is that the more generic/bland it is the more she is likely to say oh that’s a nice card. Blank in the middle are ones I go for, there are quite a few now.

but she is the woman who doesn’t get me cards that say daughter on my birthday. I remember one year where a colleague I’d been working with on a project for about three months got me a nicer card than my mum.

Crikey the first part of your post really resonated, I too used to go all out. It’s amazing isn’t it when you think back to what you used to do, I genuinely believed she was a brilliant mum.

Mines got worse, well shown her true colours now that I don’t give her loads of attention she’s dropped me as I’m no use to her.
as an aside, I suspect that thinking is the one thing all us daughters don’t need to do more of, we are constantly doing that and thinking are we being awful to her, as this thread shows.

This is exactly me too!!! It takes ages to find a bland card that marks the occasion but that doesn’t peddle lies like ‘best mum ever’ 🙄

I sometimes think this would be a good business opportunity… ‘Bland Emotionless Cards R Us, for when you have to send a card but don’t really want to’ or something…

My mum is lovely but I don't get a World's Best Mum card either. She's the right mum for me and even if she wasn't, neither of us had any choice in it really.

My DH lost his mum as a teenager so I also don't do "Best Grandma" from the kids out of loyalty to him / my late MIL - who I never met!😂

I struggle with the same. As a double sting, Mother’s Day often is on or around my birthday. I live abroad and Mother’s Day is a different date so I tend to order a box of brownies or something or a very small bunch of flowers and don’t send a card at all, just the small message on whatever it is I send.

Also it means there’s no lasting physical evidence. Brownies get eaten or flowers die. For some reason this bit is important to me.