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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel embarrassed about being frugal?

202 replies

MissJ67 · 07/03/2026 14:41

After reading a recent thread where people talked about their most extravagant indulgences, I read through and realised and pretty much couldn't afford any of them.
I thought I was extravagant buying sourdough bread and premium sausages!

It's partly through choice, partly not. I earn £34,500 for 41 hours work per week which I know is not great really for a 35 year old. I am applying for roles around 38k+ but sadly it is very competitive, I'm applying up to 40 miles away to give myself further opportunities.

I am renting out/doing up a flat until I can sell it which has also battered me a little financially. Majority of my clothes are from charity shops/Primark. I don't have a gym membership, I bought some weights for £20 and I do home workouts or running.
I get an eyebrow wax once a month, hair cut every couple of months (it's a bob so needs more trims) not at high end salons. I do my own hair colour, nails etc.

My budget for travel/trips each year is probably around £700/800. If I had more money, I would travel in first class on the train and plane because I am sick of overcrowded, noisy public transport full of inconsiderate people. I would probably get my teeth professionally whitened, travel more and work less.

I wouldn't say I'm tight/stingy but they're commonly confused with frugality. I just can't afford it, I have to stick to a budget, I rarely splurge, I don't have any savings. Last month I got a random £167 council tax bill despite them giving me a refund for it the month prior, then a sudden tax change with 3 days notice and a £280 hmrc deduction from wages. That £450 I've lost is 20% of my salary and the cost of my mortgage, I feel like im always being battered by things like this. Anyone else? If I had money I'd probably still live relatively modestly, but I feel embarrassed and don't want people to think I'm cheap and tight.

OP posts:
faerylights · 07/03/2026 14:45

I don't think you understand what being frugal means.

CornishPorsche · 07/03/2026 14:45

Your mortgage is £450 a month? And you own two properties?

fatphalange · 07/03/2026 14:46

I can’t think anyone would raise an eyebrow over your circumstances or think you’re frugal!

MissJ67 · 07/03/2026 14:47

I own a 1 bed flat, in the North house prices can be much lower.

OP posts:
Pluto46 · 07/03/2026 14:47

The vast majority of people lived this way in the later half of the 20th Century. Its only since the advent of SM that anyone questions it !

MissJ67 · 07/03/2026 14:48

I do 'understand what frugal being means' thanks. And you can own a property and still be cash poor, sure that's not hard to grasp. I only own one.

OP posts:
faerylights · 07/03/2026 14:49

MissJ67 · 07/03/2026 14:48

I do 'understand what frugal being means' thanks. And you can own a property and still be cash poor, sure that's not hard to grasp. I only own one.

I really don't think you do. What you describe is just normal life for most people - it's not being frugal and it's certainly nothing to be embarrassed about.

MissJ67 · 07/03/2026 14:50

Well compared with the other thread where people spend hundreds if not thousands on personal trainers, designer clothes, luxury furniture and bedding, exotic holidays, regular hair colours and so on it does feel that way.

OP posts:
ThePerfectWeekender · 07/03/2026 14:51

Do you live in the flat? I'd say a homeowner on your own on your wage couldn't live any differently to you, unless they had loads of debt.

nomas · 07/03/2026 14:51

Why are you embarrassed about living within your means?!

People have different incomes, the main thing is that you’re happy with your balance of savings vs treat money and that you’re not in debt. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or how much they spend on posh food and holidays.

KimHwn · 07/03/2026 14:51

My lifestyle is a lot like yours OP, but my financial circumstances are different. I earn more, but am self-employed so it fluctuates a lot. I could afford to spend more but prefer not to, in case the work dries up.
In theory, I could spend a lot more than I do, but it's not how I was raised. I read the thread you're referring to, and was fascinated and pleased for those describing their little treats, but it does sound like a different world to the one I live in tbh.

faerylights · 07/03/2026 14:51

MissJ67 · 07/03/2026 14:50

Well compared with the other thread where people spend hundreds if not thousands on personal trainers, designer clothes, luxury furniture and bedding, exotic holidays, regular hair colours and so on it does feel that way.

Stop comparing yourself to strangers on social media.

MissJ67 · 07/03/2026 14:52

nomas · 07/03/2026 14:51

Why are you embarrassed about living within your means?!

People have different incomes, the main thing is that you’re happy with your balance of savings vs treat money and that you’re not in debt. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or how much they spend on posh food and holidays.

You are right, I shouldn't feel embarrassed. I think that thread just made me feel bad and it shouldn't have.

OP posts:
PrizedPickledPopcorn · 07/03/2026 14:52

You aren’t frugal, you are living within your means. Frugal is more about the choices you make- you aren’t choosing to save money, you are spending what you can afford. Not really a choice. Don’t be ashamed. Be proud you are being sensible, and getting by.

tutugogo · 07/03/2026 14:53

I think you are just normal op. Eyebrow waxing isn’t frugal (have never had that done) and hair cuts every 8 weeks is you choice but not frugal. It’s normal expenditure, and is mere mortals don’t travel first class either. Don’t think anything of it, most of us live like you or less, I earn 1/3 of what you earn

MissJ67 · 07/03/2026 14:53

I tried to save but then got those £450 bills, month before repair issues in the flat and so on. I relocated so I am renting it out for a bit until I can sell.

OP posts:
nomas · 07/03/2026 14:53

MissJ67 · 07/03/2026 14:50

Well compared with the other thread where people spend hundreds if not thousands on personal trainers, designer clothes, luxury furniture and bedding, exotic holidays, regular hair colours and so on it does feel that way.

Everyone has different incomes. There is no point comparing yourself to people who might earn 5 or 10 times as much as you.

What would be interesting is a thread on what people on the salary as you see as a treat.

Linoleum81 · 07/03/2026 14:54

You’re only seeing their luxuries. Not the things they don’t spend money on.

you get your eyebrows done every month: that’s a luxury to me and I would think of that as a waste of money for me.

meanwhile I have a cleaner, which you might think is a waste.

one of my best friends goes on at least one amazing holiday (ie America, Japan) and lots of other shorter trips with her Kids every year. But on the other hand she hardly buys clothes, eats out, or spends money on stuff

nomas · 07/03/2026 14:55

MissJ67 · 07/03/2026 14:53

I tried to save but then got those £450 bills, month before repair issues in the flat and so on. I relocated so I am renting it out for a bit until I can sell.

It’s better to save than spend money on things you don’t need.

I wouldn’t want some of those things on that luxury treat thread if they were given to me for free.

MissJ67 · 07/03/2026 14:55

The eyebrows cost £6 per month. I don't own anything very expensive, I don't pay for any hobbies, I have £5.99 netflix but that's it. I don't go to high end restaurants, shop in Waitrose etc.

OP posts:
nomas · 07/03/2026 14:57

Linoleum81 · 07/03/2026 14:54

You’re only seeing their luxuries. Not the things they don’t spend money on.

you get your eyebrows done every month: that’s a luxury to me and I would think of that as a waste of money for me.

meanwhile I have a cleaner, which you might think is a waste.

one of my best friends goes on at least one amazing holiday (ie America, Japan) and lots of other shorter trips with her Kids every year. But on the other hand she hardly buys clothes, eats out, or spends money on stuff

An eyebrow wax costs £3.50 at my local salon.

Having a cleaner is much more of a luxury.

Meadowfinch · 07/03/2026 14:59

Of course you aren't stingy. And don't be embarrassed, you are doing brilliantly. I don't belong to a gym either. I parkrun and have an exercise bike (that someone gave me for free)

My little luxury is an occasional bar of Tesco 70% cocoa chocolate

I have a 17yo ds who eats huge amounts but I still manage to feed us a good diet for £55 a week. I buy potatoes in 25kg sacks and buy 16kg sacks of wholemeal flour & make our bread. That doesn't make me stingy.

It means I'll be able to save a little and help ds when he goes to university next year. Being thrifty requires far more skill than being lavish and stacking up debt on a credit card. All power to you 😊

Happyholidays78 · 07/03/2026 14:59

As others say you are living within your means & there is nothing wrong with that. I think a lot of people borrow too much & live beyond their means nowadays. What I don't like is people who have the money & are so tight e.g not paying their way or like a friend of mine who is very unhappy/bored/stressed but will not spend a little to make her life a bit nicer/easier, I can never understand that.

MissJ67 · 07/03/2026 15:00

Thank you

OP posts:
Colinswife · 07/03/2026 15:00

There's always going to be someone else better off than you and someone else who is worse off than you. Comparison is the thief of joy!