To feel embarrassed about being frugal?

[MissJ67]

After reading a recent thread where people talked about their most extravagant indulgences, I read through and realised and pretty much couldn't afford any of them.
I thought I was extravagant buying sourdough bread and premium sausages!

It's partly through choice, partly not. I earn £34,500 for 41 hours work per week which I know is not great really for a 35 year old. I am applying for roles around 38k+ but sadly it is very competitive, I'm applying up to 40 miles away to give myself further opportunities.

I am renting out/doing up a flat until I can sell it which has also battered me a little financially. Majority of my clothes are from charity shops/Primark. I don't have a gym membership, I bought some weights for £20 and I do home workouts or running.
I get an eyebrow wax once a month, hair cut every couple of months (it's a bob so needs more trims) not at high end salons. I do my own hair colour, nails etc.

My budget for travel/trips each year is probably around £700/800. If I had more money, I would travel in first class on the train and plane because I am sick of overcrowded, noisy public transport full of inconsiderate people. I would probably get my teeth professionally whitened, travel more and work less.

I wouldn't say I'm tight/stingy but they're commonly confused with frugality. I just can't afford it, I have to stick to a budget, I rarely splurge, I don't have any savings. Last month I got a random £167 council tax bill despite them giving me a refund for it the month prior, then a sudden tax change with 3 days notice and a £280 hmrc deduction from wages. That £450 I've lost is 20% of my salary and the cost of my mortgage, I feel like im always being battered by things like this. Anyone else? If I had money I'd probably still live relatively modestly, but I feel embarrassed and don't want people to think I'm cheap and tight.

I get what you are saying.
You live within your means and it sounds like you do not splurge so you don't get into debt etc
Please at the end of the month do one thing for yourself buy yourself something small that you live. Be good to yourself

Bless you for your ignorance. Some of us can't see close up without our glasses on. It's impossible to pluck your eyebrows unless you take your glasses off first.

I saw the thread you're referring to and know what you mean. It seems most threads I see on here are people that are high earners, but that is not reflective of the whole country. There was one thread I saw asking for recommendations of new bed sheets and people were recommending ones that were hundreds of pounds, for one sheet! I didn't even know you could buy sheets that expensive!
If it makes you feel better about your spending, my "luxury" is buying a supermarket meal deal if I'm out for the day!
Even if I had the sort of money those people clearly have, I could not justify some of the things they were spending on for themselves, but it's their money and their choice.

Your life sounds completely normal and middle class (especially the premium sausages and sourdough!). I earn a tiny bit more, but reduced my hours to 4 days so it comes out the same - I only did that cos I have a baby at nursery and 5 days of nursery fees would've pushed us over the edge. That's our biggest cost - £1000 a month

I only shop at Lidl or Aldi. I spend a lot of time looking for yellow labels and then freezing stuff. I purposefully don't buy brands like kellogs or pampers cos I can't bear the crazy mark up. We batch cook everything. All my clothes and my children's clothes come from vinted. I don't even get my haircut until 6 months or more has gone by and then I think oh yeah I should get a trim...

We have fish and chips once a week as a family. There's my big extravagance.

I wouldn't change any of that. I'd possibly like more holidays, but I think even if I win the lottery I'd still be a miser with my supermarket shop

I earn minimum wage and I'm older than you. I own my home which I pay a mortgage on and own an old banger car. I have about 2k savings and that's it. I feel rich to be honest. I can afford all my food shopping and bills, I can buy something nice for myself or my kids on their birthdays. Can get the odd meal out or takeaway. Go on 2 UK breaks a year. I don't feel behind in any way - I feel pretty lucky to be a homeowner. You don't need to upgrade your clothes, phone, car, house constantly...you're not a computer that needs new updates!! It sounds like you have a nice life, so enjoy it!

I earn/work similar wage and hours but have 2 children. I’m lucky my bills are split with DH but our mortgage is double. I’m a teacher too so holidays abroad are £5000 for our family.
I too shop in similar places and struggle immensely when something happens in my home/car.

We do okay.

speaking candidly with friends that seem to have more - one commented they have £10k on CC, another has a £13k loan for CC consolidation debt. So I’ve come to realise, most of these people have everything luxury on the tick. Not everyone of course, but not everyone is paying cash and earning loads.

I knew the thread you mean (I posted on it), and I am not a high earner. I am on UC.

A few people on low incomes spent on "extravagance" . it is what keeps some people going.... a little treat. Extravagance does not always mean lots of money.

I wouldn’t describe you as tight/frugal it just sounds like you don’t have a lot of money, and that’s fine it sounds like you’re being sensible.

I don’t think you should be embarrassed, I think you should be very proud of yourself for being very careful and sensible with money.

I think not having any savings should worry you more than being perceived as 'frugal'. In your situation I would prioritise building up some savings for a rainy day. If you can't do this yet do it when you have managed to secure the higher salary and don't spend the extra money - save it.

you are being unreasonable, but only because we always scrutinise ourselves more. I'm assuming you don't live in the flat you're doing up, in which case 34k a year + money in property isn't bad at all. i think the things you've mentioned probably aren't on your radar.

like others have said, you don't see what people aren't spending on. i know people who get their hair done every 6 weeks, have extensions and food shop at lidl, i pick food shopping at waitrose/m&s and dye my hair at home. neither of those options are "better" it's just choices.

This will be going out of fashion soon.

It’s gauche and unnecessary and the only reason people want handbags worth thousands of pounds is to feel a superiority over people who don’t.

And that is going out of fashion.

The world is changing. The expensive commodities will be food, water, and financial stability. You can’t eat handbags or trainers.

What you are doing is fine. You don’t need these so called “luxuries”.

you are doing just fine!

two pieces of financial advice. Make sure you understand the implications of the new rental reform laws that are going to come in this year in April.

start to save a rainy day fund. This fund should be 3 months of your salary. Do this by putting a small amount, into a separate savings account upfront when you get paid, not at the end of the month. ( important to do it this way round)

so where do you live?

Really? I live in a low cost part of the country, and it’s at least £7 here. Fab though for you

I wouldn't say you are frugal based on what you've typed. You just live within your means.

If you live in a high Asian area it's often cheaper as more competitive

I feel this, I've never earnt more than now and am living worse than 10 years ago. It's the cost of things. I can't afford an abroad holiday this year, didn't last year and probably won't next year. I'm on 42k per year. I should be able to afford nice things! And i don't spent like crazy and I shop in Lidl. Don't go out route

I feel the same - earning more but feeling that my standard of living has dropped compared to a decade ago :(
£42k does sounds like a v decent salary though.... Are you living alone/sole earner in household?

Two earners about the same with two kids, missed the free childcare so that depleted the savings, don't get any help other than child benefit, crushed with student debt I'll never be able to pay off, just squeezed from all sides constantly. We also don't have car payments or anything like that we drive cars 15yo. We do not spend like millionaires! It's the cost of having kids as a middle earner

Why do eyebrows need plucked? Its never occurred to me to do this. My eyebrows are fine. I can’t imagine everyone would look like Freda Khalo if they didn’t pluck, and anyway, then khalo look is cool I thought.

Not just picking on you because a few people have said similar, but I find it a bit weird that so many people are determined to believe the posters on the other thread are lying/fantasizing, or that 'very few' people do x/y/z just because YOU don't know anyone who does.

When you add up everyone in your 'circle' of people (friends, family, colleagues, etc) whom you could make a reasonable guess about their expenditure (although even then you don't "know" how much debt people are in or what they spend money on) you're probably talking about 100 or so people at most.

MN has approximately 8 MILLION individual site users PER MONTH. Your circle represents about 0.001% of MN users. When you take into consideration that most people's 'circle' consists of people of a fairly similar income bracket to them, and that higher earning people are naturally going to be drawn to a thread about spending money, it's perfectly realistic that actually a fairly large amount (albeit certainly not a majority) of people in the UK DO spend a lot of money on luxuries.

Is it really that hard to imagine why people might want to keep their eyebrows neat?

Nobody believes that you have never contemplated that people pluck their eyebrows.

My DD and myself would look more like Denis Healy. Not a good look