To feel embarrassed about being frugal?

[MissJ67]

After reading a recent thread where people talked about their most extravagant indulgences, I read through and realised and pretty much couldn't afford any of them.
I thought I was extravagant buying sourdough bread and premium sausages!

It's partly through choice, partly not. I earn £34,500 for 41 hours work per week which I know is not great really for a 35 year old. I am applying for roles around 38k+ but sadly it is very competitive, I'm applying up to 40 miles away to give myself further opportunities.

I am renting out/doing up a flat until I can sell it which has also battered me a little financially. Majority of my clothes are from charity shops/Primark. I don't have a gym membership, I bought some weights for £20 and I do home workouts or running.
I get an eyebrow wax once a month, hair cut every couple of months (it's a bob so needs more trims) not at high end salons. I do my own hair colour, nails etc.

My budget for travel/trips each year is probably around £700/800. If I had more money, I would travel in first class on the train and plane because I am sick of overcrowded, noisy public transport full of inconsiderate people. I would probably get my teeth professionally whitened, travel more and work less.

I wouldn't say I'm tight/stingy but they're commonly confused with frugality. I just can't afford it, I have to stick to a budget, I rarely splurge, I don't have any savings. Last month I got a random £167 council tax bill despite them giving me a refund for it the month prior, then a sudden tax change with 3 days notice and a £280 hmrc deduction from wages. That £450 I've lost is 20% of my salary and the cost of my mortgage, I feel like im always being battered by things like this. Anyone else? If I had money I'd probably still live relatively modestly, but I feel embarrassed and don't want people to think I'm cheap and tight.

But they earn more than you. There will be others who earn less.

I don’t know if there is one word to describe it, but limited financial resources would be the way to describe it. You don’t earn a good salary, so unless that changes you will not be able to afford the more expensive things, I don’t understand the embarassment though, who are you embarrassed in front of?

I also grew up poor and I don’t think society says it’s a moral failing, more having money, is seen as aspirational.

I definitely understand, OP. I felt the same about that thread. I work from home, freelance, and my treat is having rhe occasional costa coffee so I can get a change of scenery and not go nuts from the same four walls.
Extravagant is different for everyone, I suppose. I know that anytime it's mentioned that some of the extravagance are actually extravagant, you get accused of jealousy.
But it is a bit startling for the vast majority of people who deal with the stress that comes from constantly worrying about money to see how other people fritter it away. MN is pretty bonkers for it. There are a lot of people who genuinely have no clue that they're really well off by comparison to most.

I don’t think they aren’t aware. But I also don’t think it’s a case they canr talk about it, or they are accused of lack of sensitivity and not in reality,

Frugal?! eh up love!!

You are living to your means, thats normal. Being frugal is penny pinching, i. E deliberately buying own brand so you can £1000s in the bank.

And a lot of fantasists too. 😄

I get it, OP. My friends are brilliant but they are all so much “better off” financially than me. I find it embarassing sometimes that I can’t afford the two or three girls trips a year, the abroad hen dos and the expensive restaurants. Even sometimes when we go out for coffee I feel so far removed from them when one is saying they’ve just booked a safari trip, one has just been on a spa weekend for her anniversary and in her words “we should all go, it’s really reasonable, it was only £660 for two nights and you only have to pay an extra £80 for a spa treatment!” and another has just bought her husband a Rolex for his birthday.

You aren't being unreasonable at all but the capitalist, consumerist society that makes people feel this way certainly is.

I'm disabled and my income is just over the £12,500 where you start paying income tax, so for starters I would love to be in your position and so would many people.

You just won't find us on threads about buying luxury items.

However I was frugal long before my accident, I grew up poor which really galvanized me to build financial security by living below my means and aggressively saving and overpaying my mortgage.

I don't buy clothes at all for myself, I don't have a car, most of my kids things are secondhand and I bring leftover food home each week from the food pantry I volunteer at.

Rather than feeling ashamed, I am proud of my small carbon footprint and that I am not contributing to the obscene consumerism and piles of landfill that can be seen from space.

I positively celebrate outfit repetition, knowing that by modeling the ethical and environmentally responsible choice I am supporting other women and girls in my community to reject pressure to constantly have the latest fashion.

It is also incredibly freeing when you live outside of the judgement and societal norms that constrain other people to the detriment of their well-being.

I see where she’s coming from with the word frugal, it means a careful approach to money, thrifty, but in common usage it is used when someone can afford more but chooses not to, the less nice words would be tight or skinflint.

this is just she doesn’t have much money so can’t afford much,not she has it and doesn’t wish to spend it. She doesn’t have ir so can’t afford expensive things, like many people. Amd op, I’d guess you want these things. So you basically need to uo your earning power sadly.

They are either remarkably well off or not being entirely truthful. You are in a better position than me and I'm a 'wealthy' pensioner

That’s not frugal that’s stingy. Refusing to buy things that are needed and can be afforded (especially by kids) is mean.
Frugal just means choosing cheaper/better value options eg second hand from Vinted instead of new, making your spag bol go further by adding lentils etc.

I have a very limited income and have always been frugal. I, too, couldn't afford most of the things on that other thread about extravagant purchases - but I wouldn't want most of them and am often amazed at how much money other people spend on things I don't see the point of. I'm sure some people think I'm tight but I don't care. If I can't afford something, I'm not embarrassed to say so.

I don't meet many people in real life as rich as a lot of MN posters. You're doing fine, your salary is an average salary, nothing to be embarrassed about. Maybe MN just attracts a lot of affluent people, or maybe some like to live out a fantasy life on here.

I don’t have a lot of disposable income but consider myself to have a good life etc. eg budget for my food shop but don’t really feel
like I go without!

A couple of posts on here fairly recently made me stop and think a little…

one was a Xmas cheese shop that cost more than my full Xmas food shop and someone looking for a dress with a budge of £1k!!

But comparison is the thief of joy and I generally don’t have a lot to complain about (and enjoy shopping on vinted etc!)

Seriously, why post on a forum you are going to spend a grand on a dress.
Obviously many people do have the cash to splurge on one clothing item, and good luck to them, but I seriously doubt they would be posting about this on a forum.

For one...it's totally bragging and classless...but more importantly, it's flaunting wealth in front of many who can barely afford to heat their homes.

Very tacky....even if true.

Hi OP, nothing to be embarrassed about. Much better that living beyond your means on credit card debt. I think if you’ve got no debt other than a mortgage then that’s doing great.

I might be teaching you to suck eggs, but it’s obviously great to have an emergency savings fund. I found the only way I actually committed to saving to start with was to set it up so it automatically came out of my account as soon as my wages landed, and I didn’t miss it. That way you just don’t have it in your current account to spend - much easier from a mindset perspective than trying not to spend everything so there’s something left to save. Some employers have a scheme where you can save directly from your wages.

No bigger luxury than knowing you you don’t have to panic if the washing machine blows or there’s an unexpected bill.

also look into over paying small amounts on your mortgage automatically so you don’t miss the money.

How can you be skint with two properties up north when it is generally cheaper to live up there and you are a landlord plus on 38k per year?

I own one property. I earn 34k.

They're about as connected to reality as those "Real Housewives of XXXXXX" shows are. That's really not how most of us live, or how we would live even if we had their money!!!

You own it outright?

Ah sorry that will teach me to multi task and skim read , £34k is still a pretty good salary outside of London.
i think a lot of people bullshit on here about how rich they are.

Why do people need anything "doing" with their eyebrows? What is difficult about eyebrows that someone needs to "do" them for you?

I just use an eyebrow pencil/brush when I put makeup on and go round them very occasionally with a tiny trimmer thing.

I get mine waxed because if I do them myself they end up wonky with bits missing.
I suppose I compare myself to friends my age who are mostly on over 40k, buy high end clothing, eat in expensive places etc.
But this thread really has made me feel a lot better.
And no I have a mortgage on it, I break even from the rent.