To feel embarrassed about being frugal?

[MissJ67]

After reading a recent thread where people talked about their most extravagant indulgences, I read through and realised and pretty much couldn't afford any of them.
I thought I was extravagant buying sourdough bread and premium sausages!

It's partly through choice, partly not. I earn £34,500 for 41 hours work per week which I know is not great really for a 35 year old. I am applying for roles around 38k+ but sadly it is very competitive, I'm applying up to 40 miles away to give myself further opportunities.

I am renting out/doing up a flat until I can sell it which has also battered me a little financially. Majority of my clothes are from charity shops/Primark. I don't have a gym membership, I bought some weights for £20 and I do home workouts or running.
I get an eyebrow wax once a month, hair cut every couple of months (it's a bob so needs more trims) not at high end salons. I do my own hair colour, nails etc.

My budget for travel/trips each year is probably around £700/800. If I had more money, I would travel in first class on the train and plane because I am sick of overcrowded, noisy public transport full of inconsiderate people. I would probably get my teeth professionally whitened, travel more and work less.

I wouldn't say I'm tight/stingy but they're commonly confused with frugality. I just can't afford it, I have to stick to a budget, I rarely splurge, I don't have any savings. Last month I got a random £167 council tax bill despite them giving me a refund for it the month prior, then a sudden tax change with 3 days notice and a £280 hmrc deduction from wages. That £450 I've lost is 20% of my salary and the cost of my mortgage, I feel like im always being battered by things like this. Anyone else? If I had money I'd probably still live relatively modestly, but I feel embarrassed and don't want people to think I'm cheap and tight.

I wouldn't believe a post looking for a dress with that budget would be genuine. You'd maybe look for advice on a tight budget, but with that budget a Google search would be a lot more efficient than having to look through comments from people who will have completely different tastes.

I hope your surgery goes well and life gets better and better for you.

Our take home pay is about 200k and we’re currently debating about fixing our car for £3k versus getting a new one - our car is 14 years old. nothing wrong with being frugal - you can be frugal at any age.
salary, etc. we don’t like waste, we buy as needed not wanted. Currently wearing clothes that are over ten years old, you just maintain your clothes car house eh. Partly for environmental reasons but mainly because we don’t like waste!

Because not everyone has the same eyebrows?
Because some people want different maintenance on them?
The same could be said about haircuts? Why does anyone need that?

Having said that, I think pedis and manis aren't necessities.

You don’t sound frugal, just sensible.

I’m old enough to be your mum op and if you were my daughter I would be proud of how sensible and financially aware you are.
Lots of people spend money they haven’t got on things that aren’t necessary and then whine when it all falls apart.
You should be proud of yourself.

Thank you, so do I. I appreciate the support ♥️

I think I know what you mean, people were posting wild extravagances and I posted about buying cooked chicken - different worlds.

I don't think you're particularly frugal, I think your situation is just quite normal.

That is such a warped way of looking at things.

Ed Sheeran has a fortune of £370 million but he couldn’t afford to buy Jeff Bezos’s yacht if he put every penny he had towards it.

Nail on the head. It's brilliant that the OP is living within their means and not getting into debt etc for unnecessary things.

You only need to read all the misery stories on this and other social media where people have spent out of all control and ended up tens of thousands in debt on credit cards, store cards, overdrafts, etc and havn't a clue where it went and have precious little to show for it, and end up really struggling to try to pay it down to reduce crippling interest/fees etc.

The OP has absolutely nothing to feel embarrassed about by being frugal - she should be congratulating herself and people around her (friends and family) should be impressed.

We are financially very comfortable but I'm still very careful with my money. I could spend a fortune on beauty treatments and fashion if I wanted, but I don't, because I'd rather stash it away for the future.

You're far better being this way than living beyond your means. I know so many people who just stick things on credit cards or get payday loans, getting rinsed on interest and then wondering why they're in so much debt years later.

We could very easily afford a brand new car but one of ours is 18 years old. We'll keep it until it falls apart. We bought it new in 2008 and it's still in immaculate condition. No reason at all to get rid as it does it's job and costs us barely anything other than annual service and MOT.

Likewise, both DH and I still have clothes in our wardrobe from 25 years ago that we still wear as there's nothing wrong with them. Basic work/leisure "staples" that don't "age". DH still has a C&A suit that he wears for works meetings regularly (2/3 times per month) - they closed in 2001, so it's at least 25 years old and maybe older as I suspect he'd bought it before we got married and that was 29 years ago! Likewise we could very easily afford a new wardrobe of works/leisure clothes, but why should we when everything we have is perfectly serviceable, not faded, not damaged nor worn out. Obviously, we do replace stuff that wears out, but not otherwise. I've still got a few blouses and skirts from the 90s - we have photos of me wearing them on nights out etc. Likewise some Summer dresses that we've got holiday photos of in the 90s!

We're same as you, partly for environmental reasons to reduce/avoid waste etc., but also because we just don't like wasting money. Yes, we'll spend it on things we think justify it, and sometimes are quite frivolous (i.e. £2.5k on a better set of alloys for one of our cars!) but we do a "cost versus benefit" analysis in our own minds for virtually everything we spend, and compare the perceived "value" of our enjoyment etc compared with the cost.

It's come about because we both started out in adult life with nothing, very low paid jobs, no savings, no family financial support, etc. We "penny pinched" when we started going out together because we couldn't afford not to - neither of us were willing to go into debt, overdraft or run up credit card bills just for days/nights out, so we had a very frugal courtship out of necessity. As the years passed and our relative careers took off, that "habit" stayed with us. Neither of us can say we regretted being frugal. It enabled us to save very quickly as our wages increased and we could afford our "forever home" as our first home together, as we had a huge deposit saved. We paid off the mortgage after just 10 years, and not paying a mortgage facilitated starting up self employment then cutting down to part time hours etc as our overheads were a lot lower.

I feel the same. I used to be wasteful and extravagant year’s ago but can no longer afford to (and would not want to) and I feel much happier and prouder of myself in the way I behave around money and how I’m not even tempted by things I don’t need. I don’t think I have a piece of clothing less than 3 year’s old and most of my clothes must be a good ten years or more. If I don’t need it then I don’t buy it. And the ironic thing is not a single person cares. I haven’t lost family or friends due to my lack of extravagance, people still want to spend time with me. 😊

@MissJ67 It sounds like you are simply sensible with money.

There is no shortgage of posts from people on mumsnet on whopping £100k salaries who claim they are in poverty because they have no money at the end of the month. Then of course when they give more details about their finances, you find out they are being extremely silly and making very silly purchases... going to restaurants frequently, having a car on one of those stupid "PCP deal" things, a massive house, multiple foreign holidays a year, etc. etc.

I last had my hair cut about a year and a half ago and don’t plan on getting it cut any time soon because I can’t afford to. I cut my husband’s hair. I don’t get nails/ eyebrow/ any other beauty treatment done. We don’t eat out or get takeaways. We don’t have a mortgage, but have very cheap rent. We don’t have any hobbies that we pay for (other than the occasional spend on gear for the hobbies, but no regular payments). We don’t currently pay for any tv subscriptions but do currently have a tv licence so can watch bbc iplayer / live tv. Our children don’t have any clubs that we pay for. We try to stick to a budget for food shopping and will often eat vegetarian meals cooked from scratch because it’s a cheap option. When buying new things (like clothing or some kind of gear for our hobbies etc) we’ll do a lot of research on the item we want to buy and look into materials used etc so that we get the best for our budget and try to avoid buying twice. We sell items at times so that we can pay for other things (I think we’re now out of items to sell though 🤣). Our one luxury is our camper van that means we can have extremely cheap or free holidays, but the maximum amount of days we’ll be holidaying in a row this year is 4 days and we’ll do some one night stays away over weekends. Our car is much more fuel efficient than our camper van, so drive the car a lot more often than the van, even on times when it would sometimes be nice to have the van with us (to be able to make up a cup of tea after a long walk or something similar). We do free activities on weekends. However, until reading this post I didn’t consider that we could be classed as frugal. I’ve now just looked through our outgoings and realised that other than the tv licence, there really isn’t any ways we could cut down on our spending unless we were to buy the absolute crappiest cheap food going (chicken nuggets or frozen sausages for tea). Maybe I’ll start considering us frugal going forward. I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad or embarrassing thing though and am very happy with the way our lives are. I would much rather live this life than have a high stress job and be able to holiday in a luxury location, having travelled 1st class in a plane, with designer clothing in a designer suitcase. Having said that; the people who holidays in luxury locations in 1st class planes with their designer suitcases would probably hate my lifestyle and so everyone should do what makes them happy and not worry about others 😁.

Lesson number one, don't take anything anyone says on here about money at face value, there is either a lot of role-playing or every millionaire in the UK has an mumsnet account

Actually I think linoleum hit it on the head. You don't see what they don't spend. I was on that thread, I spend maybe half my salary on horses. BUT, I don't go on holiday, I don't spend money on skincare or makeup. I don't spend much on clothes. I don't go out often. I drive an elderly car. Its always a question of priorities.

More fool you to believe them. They are likely up to their eyeballs in debt.

Normal people don’t spend thousands on frivolity.

Living within your means is sensible. We had no spare money growing up and my first part time job when I was at school paid the princely sum of £2 an hour. Out of those wages I paid my bus fare to school, I learned to budget.

People have different attitudes to debt, too. We’ll be mortgage free next year. No other debt, I bought my car with savings and so did DH. Pay off credit cards every month.
That freedom is important to us.
My cousin, who is the same age as me, has borrowed £250k to renovate a house. I think she’s crazy to take on that kind of debt at this stage in life (hitting 50) but she’s happy to do it. Different strokes.

I read some of last night’s thread but couldn’t identify with it. I earn a high 6 figure income but only spend money on about <5% of the things mentioned on that thread.

I don’t think I’m particularly frugal and have a bit of a coffee shop habit. I thought I might get some ideas from the thread on treating myself but apart from the tinned fish, nothing much inspired me.

You live within your means so I wouldn’t worry about what others post. I’m still not certain what good cheese/butter is… Is it another way of saying “expensive’? I must be buying bad cheese (Sainsbury’s mild cheddar😊).

The only “luxury” my DH and I have started to do is rather than buying everything in our local Sainsbury’s, we now buy chicken/meat in Waitrose. Not sure I’ve noticed much difference TBH.

I’d recommend reading “the art of frugal hedonism”, a lot of the tips are a bit unrealistic but there’s some really good points about how we have become so used to mindless consumerism, such as the obsession with ‘renovating’ and needing new of everything

I suggest you step away from social media. Our monthly income is £11.5k but we spend nothing on any of the above because they’re all a total and utter waste of money. Why buy luxury furniture when it dates really quickly? I’ve never coloured my hair in my life. I’m proud of who I am. I go running. It’s free and far better for you than the gym. Designer clothes? Couldn’t care less. Love yourself OP. You’re doing OK. You have to reason whatsoever to be so insecure.

You’re not being frugal, you’re living within your means.

You have a low income, it sounds like you manage it well.

I don’t think what you have described there is majorly frugal / anything to be embarrassed about. My finances are different but I also buy Primark and wear pants I bought maybe 10 years ago. I could afford more, but choose not to and I’m not embarrassed. I do appreciate that maybe it’s not the Primark leggings that embarrass you, but your finances generally, but I don’t think anybody would judge you on the stuff you have alone. You are a homeowner, you are employed - that’s nothing to look down on.

I earn more than you but have 2 kids (single parent) so my outgoings are higher.

I make very frugal choices around some things - hair cut twice a year, basic toiletries, supermarket clothes, second hand or free furniture, decor etc, only replacing things if they are completely worn out or they cant be fixed. I drive a 20 year old car and look after it. But I do spend money on good quality fresh ingredients for meals and do a lot of cooking and baking and my holiday budget is bigger. I want my kids not to worry about us being "poor" so I make sure they have what they need in terms of tech, trainers etc but thats my only splurge really.