To feel embarrassed about being frugal?

[MissJ67]

After reading a recent thread where people talked about their most extravagant indulgences, I read through and realised and pretty much couldn't afford any of them.
I thought I was extravagant buying sourdough bread and premium sausages!

It's partly through choice, partly not. I earn £34,500 for 41 hours work per week which I know is not great really for a 35 year old. I am applying for roles around 38k+ but sadly it is very competitive, I'm applying up to 40 miles away to give myself further opportunities.

I am renting out/doing up a flat until I can sell it which has also battered me a little financially. Majority of my clothes are from charity shops/Primark. I don't have a gym membership, I bought some weights for £20 and I do home workouts or running.
I get an eyebrow wax once a month, hair cut every couple of months (it's a bob so needs more trims) not at high end salons. I do my own hair colour, nails etc.

My budget for travel/trips each year is probably around £700/800. If I had more money, I would travel in first class on the train and plane because I am sick of overcrowded, noisy public transport full of inconsiderate people. I would probably get my teeth professionally whitened, travel more and work less.

I wouldn't say I'm tight/stingy but they're commonly confused with frugality. I just can't afford it, I have to stick to a budget, I rarely splurge, I don't have any savings. Last month I got a random £167 council tax bill despite them giving me a refund for it the month prior, then a sudden tax change with 3 days notice and a £280 hmrc deduction from wages. That £450 I've lost is 20% of my salary and the cost of my mortgage, I feel like im always being battered by things like this. Anyone else? If I had money I'd probably still live relatively modestly, but I feel embarrassed and don't want people to think I'm cheap and tight.

Some of the stuff on that thread was wild 😂

But that's OK because extravagant is in the context of someone's budget.

I am on a modest budget - I spend a lot on theatre and exhibitions, a tiny bit on 'extravagances' (which for me means nice butter and decent fresh coffee to brew myself) and on everything else I am quite frugal.

I eat a lot of pulse-based meals, use meat sparingly, cook from scratch, seek out deals for every train journey and am a dab hand at finding bargain theatre tickets. Holidays are camping.

I have a great time and am not embarrassed about having less to spend than my more wealthy mates.

Luxurys are what you have ability to afford.
For some its expensive car or holidays or things for others its getting eyebrows done or coffee out with friends.

There's nothing wrong with being careful with money
I certainly am!!

A lot of people are fantasists.

You should take a lot of what's posted on threads like that with a large dollop of salt.

You live within your means, which is not embarrassing. Better that than living off credit.

its always empowering to remind yourself “ what other people think of you is none of your concern”

but usually people aren’t thinking about you. When you worry what other people are thinking of you (they aren’t) it’s just your own thoughts about yourself playing games with you, in your own head. It’s all in you & you can stop it.

Exactly what I was going to say. x

Please don't be embarrassed op you sound like you have a nice life. You will always see post of mn like 'please help me find a good pair of jeans budget £300' and sometimes that makes it feel like that's the norm and you're somehow failing. Take a look at some of the money saving boards on here you will see how many are trying to live cheaply.

I actually take pride in my cheap wins charity shop bargains, home made batch cooks etc. Makes me feel like my gran is in my ear shouting 'make do and mend'. Also good for the environment not to be so consumer focused.

Ps don't feel like you have to justify your bloody eyebrows!

My daughter had a friend whose mum was also my friend and she was the definition of frugal. She could afford nice things (they earnt enough so she was a stay at home mum) and she was telling me with a laugh that she was so frugal her daughter had asked for NEW pjs for Christmas because she was only allowed to wear clothes people had given her.

Nothing wrong with second hand clothes, but one night when I was giving this girl (around 10 years old then) a lift home from an afternoon club, I noticed she was shivering and clutching her jacket to her chest. So I said it’s really cold tonight why don’t you zip your jacket up … and she replied the zip is broken and that her mum had said since it’s January no point buying a new coat as winter will be over in a few months.

I couldn’t bare the thought of this kid shivering for a few months so I gave her a new jacket.

Since when was "frugal" a negative thing, anyway? It used to be considered a virtue to save money where possible, certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

I technically could spend a lot more than I do. The money is there, but I'm aware that whatever I spend could be saved. Saving is more important to me, because I want to feel I have a safety net, and I'd also like an early retirement, if possible. So I don't have my brows or nails professionally done, because those things don't matter to me. I ask my husband to trim my hair, because I don't need a haircut that requires more than a simple trim. I colour my own hair at home. I try to find good deals on things that don't matter as much to me (specific items of clothing, handbags, makeup) so I can spend a bit more on the things that do. (For me, that's supplies and materials for my hobbies.) I try not to let things go to waste so we won't spend more to replace them. I think those are all positives, and I'm not ashamed of being frugal.

I know the thread you mean @MissJ67 - I was pretty flummoxed by some of 'the luxuries' people liked splurging on. some of which I didn't even understand what they were talking about 😂

I've never earned more than £33k a year. Life happened along with 3 kids and a fair amount of medical stuff and family troubles I could never have predicted in my 20s. Having a high paying career was not a priority.

Not bothered about luxury bedding or furniture - or spending £600 on a handbag etc. Face creams that cost £100 plus - really? Not jealous - horses for courses.

It sounds like you're doing just fine.

Mean and nasty...I doubt I would have wanted a woman like that for a friend.

I'm so grateful that the thread that made you feel bad about yourself had literally no effect on me whatsoever. The most I've ever earned was £26k.

I drive a 2008 car, don't get any beauty treatments and have a cheap Motorola phone with a £12 pm contract and I don't go on holiday, but I did spend £200+ on my Lanx boots which give me pleasure every day.

I've got lots of friends who live very similarly to me and a couple who can afford more stuff.

I'm very content and I genuinely couldn't give a toss about what anyone else thinks about me with regards to what I own or spend on.

Let yourself off the hook @MissJ67

Don't worry - I feel the same as you. This site attracts a HUGE demographic and that particular thread attracted the higher earners so it's not typical of the norm. No point comparing. I stopped reading it as it made me feel shit too ha. The most important stuff is having your health, a warm roof over your head and enough to eat and decent relationships....anything beyond that is if course nice but not essential and doesn't necessarily make you any happier in real terms...so don't worry about it xx

I am a happily self-proclaimed tightwad and I earn a very nice salary. I dislike pissing money up the wall on lunches at the office and new phones all that stuff. I get satisfaction from saving money in many ways, in the same way that other people get satisfaction from a really nice set of new nails or whatever floats their boat.

Frugal isn't a slur. I consider myself to be thrifty and financially savvy. I probably save about 60-70% of my income each month and I am proud of that. My life is comfortable and I don't go without.

I don't want to sound judgemental but if I didn't have any savings I wouldn't be spending 700-800 a year on travel, that seems high.

I have been thinking similarly though. I saw a thread recently where someone asked realistically what monthly budget they'd need to account for to be a SAHM. I was surprised at how high the answers were and the things people considered 'essential'.

My husband and I have 2 pre-school aged children. We both work part time (self employed) in order to spend as much time with them as possible as they're only young once! So we don't have much money at all, we're not very highly paid.

We only buy new clothes if the children grow out of their stuff, then it's all second hand. We rarely buy clothes for ourselves. I dye and trim my own hair, don't get nails etc. We get a takeaway maybe once a month if that, meal plan and cook from scratch. We're lucky that we have family dotted around, so we visit them as our holidays as it's cheap. We have one old car that's not on finance. We have secondhand phones on cheap sim only contracts. I could go on. To us it's worth it for the time we spend with our children.

I get what you mean OP. PIL like to go out for meals. We wouldn’t expect them to pay. But they’d think nothing of dropping £200 on a
meal out and expect us to keep up. That’s two weeks’ worth of food. We simply can’t do it. It does make me feel cheap, but I really shouldn’t. They have no clue.

You're still better off than 90% of the people on the planet. Don't let lack of "stuff" make you unhappy. If you have your health, shelter, food, and people to love, you have everything worth having.

You sound like a perfectly normal person to me. I was on the other thread and felt that some people were competing with one another (I was the person with Philip Kingsley shampoo, so not entire kitchens or whatevers). Go back ten years and I was so broke I existed on £5 for a whole fortnight. I think most of us have times when we're living pretty close to the bone.

There will always be people in a lesser position than you. I'm currently unable to work. I will be having a surgery this summer so I am hoping this year will be the year I can turn my life around. And then I will be starting from the bottom. My only experience is in customer service and warehouse work, and I'm 36. I have barely any quality of life. All I have to do with my days is clean my house and scroll social media. Play with my cats. And occasionally visit my mother for a few days just to get out of the house. I'm single too. I use codeine for pain but I'm finding myself taking it more and more just to feel better. I wish I could work.

So to me you're doing pretty well

Mate, I used to earn that much and had to live in London and rent at double what you are paying for your mortgage. Couldn’t afford to buy. It’s not that bad and it’s certainly not frugal. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s just normal life.

@MissJ67 you have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.

You’re a young home owner, living within your means and not wracking up debt. This is something to be massively proud of.

Yes , sorry that’s not being frugal! My husband cuts my hair in the kitchen and I never get my nails done as I just can afford it, I tweeze my own brows. But I’m happy!

Thank you everyone for your words.

While you compare yourself to people on that thread others are comparing themselves to you and feeling embarrassed. You own your own home which is something some will never have.