To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

[guestsareinvited]

Because of boring and longwinded reasons, I can't currently prevent this person from coming to stay with me whenever they like. But I don't have to treat them like a guest, because guests are invited. I have plans in place to renounce this obviously terrible arrangement as soon as possible, but in the meantime I am relieving my frustrations by plotting small, petty revenge's that aren't unreasonable.

(They have a lovey home of their own, and don't really want to stay here. They are choosing to be here specifically because they know I don't want them and to make the point that they still can. It's silly and childish and I didn't choose it. They did, and are also deliberately prolonging the situation. There's nothing to do but laugh about it, and this is intended to be in jest. Although I can't promise I won't put one or two into practice if there are good suggestions.....)

Rise above it.

Oh but I reeeeeeallly want the long back story now. Pretty please???

Otherwise - sand in the bed? Just a little bit that can't be seen.

Radiator turned off in bedroom when it's cold. Or all heating in the house turned off, windows left open to make it freezing. Get yourself a heated gilet to wear secretly.

have sex loudly so they are very uncomfortable.

Have very loud sex! (Even on your own lol 😆)

Snap! 🤣🤣

Lentils, chick peas and brussel sprouts for dinner, create such a fug of flatulence they won’t come back. Oh pardon me!

I don’t like petty revenge threads but this idea is funny

Is this an adult stepchild?

Wind yer neck in! She's under no obligation to share private information with strangers on the internet. Same for you @daisychain01

Move their things every time they put something down. Cup of tea, slippers, toothbrush, keys, handbag, it gets moved to the other side of the room, inside the cupboard, onto the mantlepiece, into the hallway, into a trinket box, etc.

Nothing will ever be where they left it and they will forever be losing and looking for things and being late and getting cross.

It is completely deniable and if something is obvious you can claim to think you were being helpful and ‘tidying up for them’, leaving it where they’ll think to look, etc. Their inability to find their keys in the fruit-bowl will lead you to helpfully put them into their waterproof coat pocket the next time you see them ‘lying around on the sideboard at risk of getting lost”.

Sometimes you could ‘find’ things for them, which will necessitate thanks. Very satisfying.

I thought some form of 'family' too.
Maybe the OP still luves with their parents, who allow for their sibling to drop by/stay the night unannounced. In which case, instead of plotting revenge I'd advise OP to move out to their own place.

I probably would keep basic food items to a minimum/non-existant in the kitchen and I definitely wouldn't be including them in any meals. I would also make myself scarce, either meet friends for meals out, or get a small takeaway for myself, or shop daily for bits and bobs to cook a meal for me.

Remove shampoo etc from the bathroom if they don't bring their own.

Stash useful items like tin openers, vegetable peelers, bottle openers, corkscrew etc under your bed.

Hopefully you can resolve the situation sooner rather than later.

I'd just ignore them and do absolutely nothing for them, if possible do no dishes, have no food in the house etc.
Of course not possible if you have children there too.
Fart spray on their pillow

I’m here for the long winded story.

It would be a pity if you had had to change the locks because you’d lost your keys, and you were out and not back until late when they arrived. And no food in the house because you’d already eaten. And nothing in the bathroom, neither towels nor loo paper nor anything else. And you got interrupted tidying the airing cupboard and had to leave its entire contents on their bed, together with any other odds and sods such as unused suitcases and rubbish from the loft. Scatter a few Lego bricks on the floor between their room and the bathroom - they’re hell if you accidentally tread on them. If it is an ex-partner, I’d just completely ignore them, and leave the room and not speak to them whenever they appeared.

^ invite this poster to stay at the same time

Get (or borrow) a pet of a kind of animal they don't like.

I am available for hire for this role*

*Assuming you do decent breakfasts

Play hard house/Beethoven/Andre Rieu/Eminem/Jeremy Vine according to the opposite of the taste of your guest, from 6am to 11pm.

If it’s a stepchild then you are a bit unreasonable.

You'd think.

Prawns in the hem of the curtains. They will smell terrible in a few days

😀

So you already changed the Wifi password, right?

Also your washing machine is on the blink for some reason. First it won't work at all. Then, when they can finally wash some of their stuff, it unfortunately still has bleach in it from when you were cleaning it out.

Conspicuously leave bedbug and scabies treatment bottles visible in several rooms. Ask them to please report any symptoms.

Fill pillowcase with live bees
Put honey in their comb
Change bedroom light bulb to deadly lasers
Fill bath with angry pirhanas
Fill their shoes with super glue
Swap your hand soaps for Baylis and Harding