To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

[guestsareinvited]

Because of boring and longwinded reasons, I can't currently prevent this person from coming to stay with me whenever they like. But I don't have to treat them like a guest, because guests are invited. I have plans in place to renounce this obviously terrible arrangement as soon as possible, but in the meantime I am relieving my frustrations by plotting small, petty revenge's that aren't unreasonable.

(They have a lovey home of their own, and don't really want to stay here. They are choosing to be here specifically because they know I don't want them and to make the point that they still can. It's silly and childish and I didn't choose it. They did, and are also deliberately prolonging the situation. There's nothing to do but laugh about it, and this is intended to be in jest. Although I can't promise I won't put one or two into practice if there are good suggestions.....)

How is making her own house stink and ruining her own curtains going to bring about revenge on a guest?

Play music you know they hate constantly.

But the OP has posted on a public forum ans invited comments
Of course everyone wants to know the full story!!

Baylis and Harding?? Steady on

If it's uncomfortable, they won't want to stay.

Get rid of/destroy any spare bed and replace with an airbed. Thin pillows. Install a ticking clock on the wall. Take the curtains down for 'upcoming renovations'. Get up early/late. Keep asking for their help with house jobs and moving things... the messier the better. Get up in the night because you heard a noise and can they come check it out with you. Have stale laundry drying in the room. The list is endless. They will get bored before you do!

Fully Hide a “noise cricket” in their room ,tiny device that makes small noises at random intervals for weeks !!

I hadn’t thought of that!😀

Ha ha ha I like it @Nofeckingway and her illnesses. The rheumy cold she had in 1989...the trots in 1994 the awful symptoms were...

Hire a clown in full costume who never speaks. Have them sit in an armchair when visitor is in living room, and stand outside the bedroom at night. If the visitor comments to you, say "Clown? What clown?"

plug the washing machine /tumble dryer into an Alexa plug ,programmed to go off at random times , but you have an override

basically anything where the plug is hard to get to

Time to become a vegan..... a raw food vegan at that.

Laxatives in their coffee/tea/juice

Offer to babysit for several friends and fill the house with half a dozen squealing, screaming, puking, snotty under 5s, and encourage them to interact with your guest. She/he could be the donkey they pin the tail on, for example. Or someone to practise their face painting skills on.

If this is your ex and they still own the property with you, but live somewhere else now, this doesn't give them the right to just rock up and stay anytime they feel like it. They have another primary residence. Change the locks on one door and use that to leave. Add an additional lock to the inside of the other door so it locks from the inside. When they complain that they can't get in, say that if they'd had the courtesy to ask or even tell you they were coming, you would have explained and arranged access. Also hide a bluetooth speaker in their room and randomly play spooky sounds in the middle of the night.

Why do people waste time on pettiness? "Oh, wouldn't it be a shame if..."
Just don't let them in. If they have a key, change the locks. If they call the police, great.

Have absolutely no food in the house, except for a mouldy loaf and gone-off milk.

Then order food and drinks in just for you, then eat very loudly in front of them. Don't forget copious amounts of burps / farts afterwards. 😂

The best revenge is to really not care. At all.

Speaking as a snake owner, yes.

@guestsareinvited Can I come and do my violin practice at your house? My husband HATES it! Apparently I sound awful.

A hidden fart machine?

Take up sleepwalking and peeing on their bed?

A super lumpy mattress ?

Or just change the locks when they go out then book yourself into a hotel?

With so many good ideas, surely you NOW have to tell us who this person is and why?!?!

What, so her toilet will be dirty and reek?

Swap the contents of your shampoo bottle and tube of Veet.

Dress a large doll in Victorian style garb and stand them up (with invisible wires) in the corner of the 'guest's' bedroom.

Train a small child to point into empty rooms and say, "Who's that sad little boy?"

And if all else fails, turbo-charge your riser-recliner chair to fire the 'guest' into the opposite wall.

Even better, a grandfather clock that chimes every quarter of an hour!

Nah, not gonna give you any until you tell us the who and why

Genius, but there's a typo: are you recommending staring or farting as OP stands over them in bed? Either sounds good to me.

This thread is hilarious 😂😂😂