To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

[guestsareinvited]

Because of boring and longwinded reasons, I can't currently prevent this person from coming to stay with me whenever they like. But I don't have to treat them like a guest, because guests are invited. I have plans in place to renounce this obviously terrible arrangement as soon as possible, but in the meantime I am relieving my frustrations by plotting small, petty revenge's that aren't unreasonable.

(They have a lovey home of their own, and don't really want to stay here. They are choosing to be here specifically because they know I don't want them and to make the point that they still can. It's silly and childish and I didn't choose it. They did, and are also deliberately prolonging the situation. There's nothing to do but laugh about it, and this is intended to be in jest. Although I can't promise I won't put one or two into practice if there are good suggestions.....)

Can you anonymously buy houses? Surely all one has to do is look up the land registry after the sale anyway? Although I suppose she’d have no reason to do that.

Anyway, not unless she comes to her senses about the price. Which she will have to eventually. She’s utterly deluded. But it will take a while and I want to get on with my life. I’m so fed up of it all.

Yes you can appoint someone (typically a solicitor) to act on your behalf and buy a house. It's not wildly uncommon when houses are purchased by auction, a bit less common for private sales, but it isn't soooo unusual you'd have trouble arranging it.

Of course the shit would hit the fan when the deal is done and she expects you to leave and someone new to move in and that doesn't happen but... welll.. depends on just how much you want to piss her off really! Theres nothing she could legally do about it, its completely above board!

I looked into it. Turns out it’s way easier, and MUCH cheaper to….

Change your name by deed poll. Although I’m not sure if you can just change it back again afterwards and not tell a million organisations twice. I’ve no particular attachment to my married name, though, so why not?

I’m not sure I could resist the temptation to change it to something smart arse, like A.L.L Mine-Now or an anagram of my own name. Maybe I should start a thread for name suggestions 🤣🤣🤣

Ohhhhhhhhhh boy.. oh I don't think I'd be able to resist, change it to something rude, but in another language she doesn't speak.

I don't think you do have to tell everyone if its only a short period and your actual name remains the name you are 'known by' to basically everyone (except her). The flaw in the plan might be dealing with conveyancing solicitors and payments coming from a bank in your original name to buy a property for your new name though...

You need to listen to Cabin Pressure, a radio comedy series with the incredible Stephanie Cole playing a woman who runs a charter airline. Then you will learn why she calls her firm "MJN Air". Bonus.....Bendyback Cabbagewank....sorry I mean Benedict Cumberbatch is really good in it too.

I suggest you call the house "MHN Cottage"!

🍋

I like to kill people with kindness especially those who really don’t expect or deserve it. I love nothing more than proving others wrong it’s very satisfying watching the disappointment of others who thought they were getting one over on me and me not playing their game. Give them enough rope and they will do the rest.

Perhaps consider renovating the room she stays in to make it lovely for her as she visits so frequently?

You’ll want to do a proper job on it, making sure you remove the curtains, cover the furniture etc with plastic you tape down, remove light fittings etc ready for painting.

Of course prepping is key, so don’t skip all the sanding/surfacing…I know it takes time and creates dust but it’s worth it.

All in I think this could take you 2 months when you’re working as well as supporting your DD with exams, but it will be worth it for her comfort as well as improving the property for her to rent/sell…..does she know how fashionable neon green paint is these days?

FFS, get out of that house and rent a flat.

You are waiting for your mother to admit she's enjoying playing games and to give you permission to stop being her victim?

Leave!!!

You do not need permission.
You do not need petty pranks.

You just need to pull up your big girl panties and let your mother return next time to a house that is locked, cleared of your furniture and all food, clean as a whistle (take photos), and no way for her to find out where you have moved to.

I suppose some of it comes down to what your Mum would do if you did move out to an alternative rental. If she would just leave the place to rot you would have no leverage, but if she needs the rental income/equity she would have to get it assessed and upgraded to legally rent it, or she would get sensible valuations to sell it.
Although to be honest, why you are still so involved with a Mum who treats you like this I don't know.
Unless you have siblings (might have missed that) I don't know why she can't just sell you the place for a sensible amount and be done with it, both for you and your daughters sake.......q

I think you can buy live cockroaches on Amazon.

A few in the bed GROSS ME THE HELL OUT and my feet wouldn’t hit the ground until I was scrubbing myself with a wire brush in a shower in a hotel 10 miles away.

I can’t think of anything worse - or that would chase somebody out of a house quicker - than icky cockroaches.

Just the thought makes me shudder.