To ask for your ideas to take petty revenges on an uninvited guest?

[guestsareinvited]

Because of boring and longwinded reasons, I can't currently prevent this person from coming to stay with me whenever they like. But I don't have to treat them like a guest, because guests are invited. I have plans in place to renounce this obviously terrible arrangement as soon as possible, but in the meantime I am relieving my frustrations by plotting small, petty revenge's that aren't unreasonable.

(They have a lovey home of their own, and don't really want to stay here. They are choosing to be here specifically because they know I don't want them and to make the point that they still can. It's silly and childish and I didn't choose it. They did, and are also deliberately prolonging the situation. There's nothing to do but laugh about it, and this is intended to be in jest. Although I can't promise I won't put one or two into practice if there are good suggestions.....)

Wild parties every night, lots of visitors
No food in the fridge (have a mini one in your room)
A stink bomb in their bed/fart in their room
Nylon bedding - the kind Pontins did in the 70’s to 2000’s

Call the police tbh

Assuming they have their own key ... get yourself busy.
Leave when they arrive.
Don't talk to them - treat them like a ghost in the house but be very neutral - grey rock style.
Are they eating your food? If so run stuff really low. Swap sugar & salt.
Ditto towels/linens etc - go minimalist for yourself & box everything else up. So you have enought towels/bed linen for your use only.
Keep TV and any other remote controls in your handbag.
Turn off wifi when you are out.
Do you have a heating ap? if so make sure it is off when you are out.
If there is anyting they particularly like in the hosue? box it up so it looks gone.

if they stay in a room with a wardrobe/drawers etc make sure they are full to bursting so can't be used by "guests".
Either declutter to the point of barren discomfort, or max out and get really messy & cluttered.

A dead mouse concealed very very well in their bedroom. Maybe in a small bag taped to the underside of the bed or another piece of furniture.

Just don't let them in. Don't waste time and/or money on anything else.

Have a massive really noisy party late into the night in a room with a locked door. With them on the other side. They aren't invited.

Turn off the boiler whenever they try to shower and say oh sorry it's on the blink. It sometimes works, sometimes not.

-itching powder in their underwear and towels
-cuckoo clock in their room
-Laxatives in their food in the meal they have just before leaving (you don't want an explosive mess in YOUR loo)
-Cough and blow your nose over their food
-Cook a mushroom dish and claim you foraged the mushrooms yourself- don't eat any yourself though and don't get caught.

As they have a home of their own, even if this an ex husband you can just not let them in.

I'm guessing husband, separated but not yet divorced.

Where do you think she is going to obtain a dead mouse? RodentsRUs?

Just put us out of our misery and tell us who owns the dwelling and why are they ripping up whenever they feel like it and expect to be waited on?

Yabu. Ask in Chat or Relationships.

I would never be there when they are, I would remove all basic food items like milk, butter and bread. I would rather sleep in my car than have unwanted “guests”

I want to know who is coming to stay with you @guestsareinvited because my suggestions for the guest will depend on who they are.

Because of boring and longwinded reasons, I can't currently prevent this person from coming to stay with me whenever they like.

What do they do, break into your house?

I can't imagine having to play childish pranks on someone instead of telling them it isn't convenient for them to stay,

Remove cables. HDMI to TVs, Alexa, Kettle etc.
Remove batteries out of TV remote.
Take bulbs out of lights.
Run out of shampoo/conditioner/shower gel/soap.
Take all nice food to a friends to keep. Order every meal for yourself through Deliveroo.

Good luck 😆

Ditto. Op should just change the locks if it's her house.

Can you stay with a friend or family member until this person gets bored of trying to piss you off? This would annoy them more than anything else as they’re only staying with you to get at you in some weird way.

Yes, that would be the most logical solution

Some of these are absolutely diabolical 😆😆😆😆

You can buy frozen mice and other tasty "treats" from pet stores

Yabu because it's ridiculous that you won't give the full info on the situation.

Your partner has invited them?

Otherwise I genuinely can’t understand why anyone would be forced to host repeatedly an uninvited guest who they hate, and the guest hates them.

So you've described the situation in 6 words, and yet the OP can't give the facts because it's "long winded and boring".

That's genius.