Nursery teacher dating my sons dad

[Dream246]

So it's come to light that my sons dad is in a relationship with his nursery key worker. The nursery are also aware and have said they don't have to do anything about it. My son is with her 5 days a week in close proximity and I feel like they are not listening to my safeguarding concerns and have held back information from me.

Would you move your child?

What are your safeguarding concerns?

I’m surprised the nursery doesn’t have a policy about this.

But I also don’t think that it’s something they should be required to tell you about, if they do allow it.

He was taken off site without speaking to me first, and now the nursery worker avoids me at all costs. It's also the confusion for my child trying to understand that his parents are no longer together and the person he is with so often is now his girlfriend

It wouldn't be a safeguarding concern. I had a similar issue whereby my son's nursery key worker ended up chatting to son's dad on a dating site and she voiced concerns that his dad was using photos of ds on said site (I obviously didnt know) the NSPCC were excellent , maybe give them a call if you have concerns? Nursery don't have to do anything as she's simply a worker at the nursery looking after a child, shes not done anything wrong. If you're uncomfortable then you can ask them to allocate to a different key worker or your only other option is to move provision.

Taken off site by who? In what context?

I can see how this could be confusing for your DC if it is a new relationship. I would expect your DS to be allocated a new key worker.

I wouldn’t be comfortable with this but I’m not sure what you can realistically do other than move him. What age is he? When is he likely to move classes?

I don’t see it as a safeguarding concern but it’s not professional on my opinion. I would ask for a new allocated key worker.

Yes second that he should be given a new key worker and that it should be made clear that she does not have authority to do pickup.
Alternative is to move him but that seems tricky ?

Third all this.

New keyworker should be given on the grounds that she's avoiding you. Talk to the manager. I would probably change nursery..

Our headmistress is dating a widowed dad. Nobody gives it a second thought.

What does being taken off site have to do with your ex’s relationship?
Do you mean your child went on a trip with the nursery? Usually consent for this is obtained in the initial signing documents for the nursery, it’s common for nurseries to take little trips to the park or the shop etc and they don’t ask permission each individual time this happens.

What age is your child? Im not sure a toddler really needs to have any awareness that someone in their nursery is dating his dad.

Why can’t she do pickup? If it’s not against nursery policy, and it’s during the father’s time, I didn’t think OP would be able restrict it? In the same way, if she asked someone she judged responsible enough to pick the child up, her ex couldn’t insist “no, I won’t allow that”. D

I think the point is that conversation hasn't happened (by the sounds of it).
So if nursery allowed it because the lady is an employee then that's not on. If she's been nominated as an approved person to do pickups then that's different. I guess my point is that a random woman turning up saying I'm here to pick up Jack would not be given the child. And to all intents and purposes the nursery worker should be treated like that when it comes to pickup.

I think if she’s avoiding you then that’s unprofessional and she shouldn’t be his key worker.
You should have an open and respectful relationship with nursery regarding your son and his progress and should be able to feel you can discuss your sons day without feeling awkward because you’re her boyfriend’s ex.
I would probably move setting as she’s always going to feel uncomfortable around you and your experience with him at nursery shouldn’t be uncomfortable.

You need to think this through, keeping your feelings separate, and staying rational.
Raising a safeguarding issue is overkill.

However, the situation affect your relationship with that member of staff, and indirectly your child. You would be justified in asking for a change in key worker for your child, and that should be fairly easy for the nursery to organise.

You could also discuss the member of staff being moved to a different room, but it seems overkill if the relationship is fairly recent (although if it's relatively new then I'm surprised your child is aware of it?). This would be for the same reasons mums are usually not working in the same room as their own children.

I would just start by having a practical conversation with your ex (maybe he has already thought about requesting some changes?), and the head of the nursery about what is possible/what they would recommend.

If the nursery is not cooperating, then it's another problem though.

Sorry OP, this is so shit, both for you and your child. Absolutely confusing for your son and just another example of adults putting their own wants well ahead of what is best for the children in their lives. However, if the nursery has no policy against it, it is very difficult. I think you should ask for your son to be assigned a new key worker though and they should be able to do this.

What is it with bloody men not bothering to stop and think about the impact of their crappy decisions on those around them? I'm sorry your ex has turned out to be such a selfish prick.

Can you tell us more about the "taken off site" situation? Who took him off site and why?

@Dream246 is it that the nursery worker took your soon off site?

Did DC’s dad give permission for this? If he did, I am not sure there is a safeguarding issue there.

I agree though it’s highly unprofessional and it would irritate me.

New key worker allocation request to the Manager I think.

Yes I’d be uncomfortable. If your son is with her all day at nursery, and at “home” he’s going to get confused!
he needs a new key worker or move him adap; I’m astonished the nursery don’t think it’s a problem.

Surely OP wouldn’t know whether her ex has approved someone for pick up though?

If one parent has arranged for someone else to collect a DC they aren’t going to call the other parent to check, they don’t need permission from both.

I would just move your child to a different nursery or childminder

Irrespective of safeguarding, I just think this is a weird setup to be honest. I'd move them.

The nursery is in a difficult position re telling you as it's not a safeguarding concern and their staff member has a right to privacy too, so I think they would have been overstepping to tell you before you found out.

Now that you are aware however it would be reasonable to ask for a change of keyworker, not as a safeguarding matter but on the grounds that you wish for a clearer separation between home and nursery life. This would be a reasonable basis for the request even if it was a blood relative in the same way that school teachers do not usually have their own child in class for example. This enables you to keep the request neutral and isn't attacking the staff member or the nursery.