Nursery teacher dating my sons dad

[Dream246]

So it's come to light that my sons dad is in a relationship with his nursery key worker. The nursery are also aware and have said they don't have to do anything about it. My son is with her 5 days a week in close proximity and I feel like they are not listening to my safeguarding concerns and have held back information from me.

Would you move your child?

@TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened You said Mum can move him.

Given that he's 4, and will be leaving the nursery in 6 months anyway, I wouldn't move nurseries unless he was unhappy where he is. But I would definitely be insisting on a change of keyworker.

As everyone else has already set out, when you sign up for nursery, its within the agreement then because they have the care of the child that day. Its not reasonable to expect them to phone 20 parents to 'double check' when they see its sunny outside and say, right coats on we're going for a quick stroll in the park

Move him. Find a neutral option. This has already become messy and could likely become much worse if they break up.

@MyLittleNest Again, she can only move him with Dad's consent.

Oh right, well yes, she can. Dad can object but nursery won't seek his approval before removing him from roll and a new nursery won't need his consent for registration. Courts won't get involved either.

I'm also slightly concerned child is only 4 and both parents have new partners...

@TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened Legally she has to have consent of the other parent with PR. If she does attempt to remove him without consent, Dad has every right to go to court.

As the parent with majority care, the courts will consider that she's within her rights to pick a nursery. However, Dad doesn't have to take him to the nursery she picks. He could, in fact, simply re-enrol him for that nursery on his days and continue to take him to that one, provided he has the same days every week. The courts will not care.

Even with homeschooling, it only takes one parent to send a de-reg email and the other parent can't really do anything about it.

Yeah I can 100% understand why you're annoyed/worried about this. If nursery aren't responding to you I'd formalise and escalate it. And yes, potentially I'd move nurseries. It would be one thing dad dating nursery worker if the nursery had handled it appropriately and acted early and clearly to avoid any potential conflicts of interest. It's quite another when they're not handling it well at all.

Taking a child off site without permission is kidnap isn't it? He needs to be moved

@TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened That's legally not the case as Father has PR. Share of care is in fact irrelevant. It's why I would always urge unmarried mothers to think very carefully before adding Father to birth certificate.

Could you have a conversation with her as adults, she should be a nice enough person if she works in the nursery. Explain it makes u feel a bit uncomfortable ? She might be a really nice girl. No need to cause conflict around your son where there isn’t any

Well they can, they can take it back to court, you seem to be playing fast and loose with the law here.

Both parents have PR, school choice is one of the issues that both need to consent to. If he doesnt care or doesnt have a view thats different but both parents need to seek the other's consent for schooling choices. Its not the same as haircuts or after school club choices.

I assume you are taking the piss because no one would seriously think this.

No unfortunately, when she sees me she literally runs away. She's only 21 so in fairness to her I think she might actually be in over her head with situation

I might be inclined to find another nursery.

That’s not true with Nursery provision just schooling

I dont think there's a safeguarding issue

Will he be going to school in 6 months?

I think I would look at other settings. This sounds very unprofessional. Your son has not got that long until he starts school. Is it linked to where he will go to school?

At absolute best this Nursery worker lacks judgement and safeguarding
The simplest thing in the world to do is to just move the child’s Nursery, but if you can’t do that, I would do everything in my power to get a fired one way or the other
If she was working for me, she’d be gone

This. Or change nursery? It’s weird and totally understandable that you’re uncomfortable. Poor judgement on both their parts.

@likelysuspect You're absolutely correct. If a father has PR he has an exactly equal say re school and nursery settings and removal from them; the care arrangement percentages are irrelevant. One doesn't trump the other.
It is very naive to think Mum can simply remove their son from nursery without consent of Dad.
PR is powerful - more than most often realise.

@Mosman2020 How is this nursery worker in breach of safeguarding do you believe?

Have you raised this with the nursery manager? About your son going offside without permission.

I suggest putting your complaint/concerns in writing to the nursery and request a written response.

If you don't get a response, then escalate this to OFSTED, letting them know the nurseries response.

To echo what others have said, he should be assigned a new key worker.

Don't let it go, until you get a satisfactory response. I'm sure once the nursery hear about OFSTED being involved, they'll have a word with the staff member. It doesn't look good for the nursery.