Nursery teacher dating my sons dad

[Dream246]

So it's come to light that my sons dad is in a relationship with his nursery key worker. The nursery are also aware and have said they don't have to do anything about it. My son is with her 5 days a week in close proximity and I feel like they are not listening to my safeguarding concerns and have held back information from me.

Would you move your child?

I would be very uncomfortable with this, @Dream246, and I can understand why you want to move your son to a different setting.

I understand why you are uncomfortable with this but I am so sick of the misuse of 'safeguarding' to describe situations which are nothing of the sort. 'Safeguarding' is the protection of vulnerable people from abuse, neglect, or harm. Is the child at risk of any of these things?

It sounds potentially confusing for the little one but if his dad won't implement clear boundary there isn't much you can do. He can authorise anyone to do pick up.

I would however, as others have said, expect a new key worker.

The child needs a new key worker.

I think its unprofessional at best.

I don't understand why the nursery doesn't think it's an issue.

I wouldn’t like this situation. I’d consider moving your child.

She can't unilaterally decide to move the child to another setting if dad has pr and is involved in the child's life, and dad may not agree to this given the circumstances.

I've read a few threads like this over the years so it seems surprisingly common.

I don't think it's a safeguarding concern but I wouldn't be happy about it.

It would just feel too weird.

Safeguarding in the respect that my son was taken off of site with a different class by the new girlfriend. No consent had been obtained by me or his dad. Therefore there's already an unconscious bias there. My ex told me he was dating her, but has since refused to tell me whether the nursery worker sees my child when it is his weekend with him. I don't know how serious the relationship is and quite frankly it's none of business, but the nursery have also lied about her being in the room with him at one point and I walked in to see it. Its insanely awkward for me as well as every worker there now constantly looks at me waiting for me to kick off

Nothing to do with you. Move on and worry about your own private life from now on.

This.

I thought relationships between nursery/school staff and a parent was not allowed if the child was under their care

As his key worker she shouldn’t be avoiding your son’s other parent (you). That’s not on. For that reason, he needs a new key worker as others have said.

I don’t know about a safe guarding issue but this would piss me off tbh. It just makes it so complicated when it shouldn’t be. And it already is complicated if the nursery worker girlfriend is avoiding her new boyfriend’s ex. Idiots both of them.

There is a child involved. It’s everything to do with the mother of the child. Are you ok?

She is not policing their relationship. But they nursery worker needs to be professional at work. That’s not much to ask.

This is why I’d be pissed off. I don’t know why you split up but she’s possibly been telling all her coworkers about the break up, and how it was all your fault and how you’re a nightmare etc. and that’s why there’s tension. Messy af.

I can see why this makes you uncomfortable.

Firstly, don’t kick off. They will soon get bored.

Secondly, ask for a new key worker.

Well that’s the point made earlier - perhaps Dad gave the authorisation. In which case the conversation reverts to being between mum and dad of DC.

Exactly. Not happy about him doing this, but she is supposed to care about children, should have had training, and quite aside from dating a man who was presumably in a relationship with OP, she is surely being unprofessional not speaking to one of her pupil's parents? For those saying it's none of OP's business, sure if she didn't have a child, it's not her concern who he dates, but when she does and this is affecting her ability to talk to the "professional" caring for said child, it surely is.

If this nursery worker is unprofessional enough to avoid the mother of her key child because she's shagging the child's father, I'd also be wary of what happens if they split up. If he dumps her, cheats on her etc. Will she be professional enough to not take it out on the child?

I'd be insisting on a new keyworker.

I mean, my kid’s key worker takes her off site to the little park nearby or whatever and they don’t ask for consent to do that. That’s normal. Your son’s shouldn’t be avoiding you, because you’re also your son’s parent, so I would ask for a new key worker, but I don’t think there’s a safeguarding issue unless you believe she’s failing to communicate with you regarding your child’s welfare?

I think you need to be careful how you’re framing your issue here as well because making spurious safeguarding related accusations around normal nursery outings makes you look like a jealous ex rather than a parent who is rightly concerned that her child’s key worker won’t speak to her.

We give consent at the start of every academic year, not for each individual outing. If you’ve done the same at some stage, they already have consent.

I’m not sure why they would need to lie about her being in the same room. If she’s his key worker, she should be in the same room. Not sure why it’d be a problem that she was, it’s her job.

I wouldn’t move him, I’d ask for a new key worker, and I wouldn’t “kick off” either - rise above and stay polite and professional.

Well said!
My dd’s father started casually dating one of her teachers after a few months of flirting at the school gates. We were still together when it started but similar twatty man thinking with his penis and oblivious to his own child.

When my child started at nursery I signed a document that said If he is to be taken off of site then it requires a quick phone call, I didn't sign the document that said he could be taken off of site whenever. So no, no consent was obtained from me or his dad. In regards to dealing with this, the nursery have ignored both of my emails now asking for confirmation as to how this will be managed best for my son so I'm losing trust with them at this point.

Most settings will ask you to give blanket consent for local trips every year so that they don't need to ask every time they go to the park / library etc. Check if you or your co-parent has done this before you go in all guns blazing.

If the staff are lying to you then this is a separate issue and would be a legitimate reason to move your child.

Yes, me too. I think it is 'surprisingly common' because far too many men have no limits or boundaries and simply don't care enough about their children. When relationships break down, these men then consider themselves completely free to date who they want with no thought for the wider impact. Not quite the same but I remember my brother in law and father in law gleefully discussing who would get to do school pick up because their child / grandchild's teacher looked like a particular filmstar who they both fancied. No thought for the fact that with their pathetic banter they were making the child's mother feel embarrassed and inferior (and they were still together at the time - not anymore!) and turning something that should be child-focussed into another arena for men to dominate and objectify women. Fuckwits. Well they're long since divorced and he is miserable so at least there's that.

Does dad consent to that? OP cant just unilaterally make those decisions.