Nursery teacher dating my sons dad

[Dream246]

So it's come to light that my sons dad is in a relationship with his nursery key worker. The nursery are also aware and have said they don't have to do anything about it. My son is with her 5 days a week in close proximity and I feel like they are not listening to my safeguarding concerns and have held back information from me.

Would you move your child?

This.

It's extremely easy to get PR if you are the biofather and not on the BC. I don't know why people always spout this line as though you can just magic away a child's father by not putting them on. Especially since the child has significant contact with the father. I'm not sure you're best placed to be judging the parents for having new partners 2 years after the split when you've just suggested that mothers consider cutting fathers out of their children's lives.

I think there’s two different issues here. The nursery shouldn’t have taken your child anywhere without consent. That’s a nursery issue so I would take this further and remind them that you have not signed the consent form. I wouldn’t blame the girlfriend about this.

I would speak to the nursery and say you’re uncomfortable with the situation, is there a chance that they could swap your child’s keyworker? That way she isn’t in constant contact with him all the time.

If the dad isn’t doing drop offs/ pick ups then I assume they met outwith the nursery setting? If so then there isn’t too much that the nursery could do about it as they probably didn’t realise there was a connection at first.

That is awkward, of all the people your ex could have picked 🙈
The taking him off site without parental permission should be dealt with, not just swept under the carpet. I suspect his Dad gave permission after the event if it was his girlfriend that arranged it.
If your Son starts school in September I would bite my tongue and see if you can get him into the preschool attached to your chosen primary school in readiness to start school, if you can’t then I would leave him where he is for now, is it a term time only placement?
If your son is going to be there for another year then I would move settings to a preschool rather then a nursery in September, preferably one near/attached to the one you may send him to school.
My child that attended a pre school rather then the one that attended a private nursery transitioned really well which I think in part was going to preschool and making friends with children who were going to go the same school, whereas the one that attended a private nursery took a little longer to make friends etc

So you’re saying that if the staff decide to pop to the park, every parent has to be contacted by phone? Surely you’re mistaken as that would be unworkable

It would be confusing for a child, and it sounds as though even if rules are not being broken, the nursery isn't handling it well enough. So I would move him without a shadow of a doubt and as quickly as possible.

I'd be requesting that he have a different key worker and reiterating that any repeat of her taking him out of nursery without permission will be reported.
But he'll be in school soon won't he? So it's only a few more months, I don't think moving him for a few months would be in his best interest.

What? My sons school and previous 2 nurseries don't take the kids anywhere without prior notice and permission. Nursery can't just pop to the park with your kids when they feel like it.

You're looking at this wrong.

A GF that works in a job with strict checks is a plus point, not a negative.

You need to separate the girlfriend and the nursery taking him out on a trip.

If the girlfriend didn't work at the nursery, would taking him out of nursery be an issue? If no, then move on, if yes, then take action and remove your child from the nursery and report them to Ofsted.

It comes across that you're being awkward for the sake of it.

Assuming dad has parental responsibility, he can give permission.

Sure they can. I'm a childminder and don't need permission to take children anywhere, same thing.

I'd move nursery. It just sounds incredibly messy.

Yes they do particularly if OP is primary carer

When mine was at nursery they were always out, going to the park, up to the woods, forest school, the shops etc .. I can’t ever remember signing an individual form.

It's ok for her to be dating him. There is nothing you can do about it realistically

You know the nursery op and her husband? Mine never checked with the other parent if one okayed it, that’s v unusual

Hang on, you don’t know if the woman is around your son when he’s with his father why are you setting diffident standards for you than him?

Nursery can. They can also ask for specific permission but its not required. Most do for specific planned trips because its in advance and can be planned for but a nursery or child minder popping out for an hour to the park is ok

What would your Ex do if you moved Nursery?
If your son is 4 he'll be in school in September if you don't want to move him and are prepared to wait it out.
If it's the nursery attached to the school he'll attend, is there another school you could choose to send him to?

My feeling would be that a Key Worker shouldn't be in a relationship with a parent, who's child is assigned to them. It's a conflict of interests. Working at the nursery, that your child attends, shouldn't be an issue, but she shouldn't be your child's key worker.

I work in a school, and we had a class teacher who had a child at the school, she wasn't permitted to teach her child's class. It's exactly the same thing really. My previous school I worked at, is the same one as my son attended. I didn't deal with any incidents involving my son, they were all passed to another member of staff.

The nursery should remove your child from having this young woman as their Key Worker, and should assign someone else to them. I don't think that would be an unreasonable request.

The taking your child off site without your consent or your ex's, is a different matter. You need to find out from the nursery what you're signed, and why it happened. It could be the young woman, thought it was OK because she's dating your child's Dad. It seems an unlikely explanation though, as she'd have to be completely clueless and rather stupid, to do such a thing. I suspect there's been a communication error or the young woman made a genuine mistake.

I don't see a safeguarding concern but I do see an issue about the way in which this nursery nurse's dual role is affecting the care and service offered to you and your son. I'd ask for a copy of their policy around handling dual roles and a meeting with the nursery manager to discuss the best way forward. This young woman's obvious discomfort is affecting her communication with you and that has an impact on quality of care for your son. The nursery also need to be mindful of providing equal care to children so some do have a policy of avoiding placing children with key workers who have an additional relationship to the child. I wouldn't assume the trip out without permission is necessarily linked though. Could they have made a genuine mistake about which form you'd signed? I can't imagine an otherwise competent nursery would say 'oh it's fine to take him out without permission as she's dating the dad'?! They need picking up on this though, and a constructive discussion about how to manage the new tangle of relationships.

Our nursery asked for a blanket permission to take the children on small local trips occasionally when we signed our daughter up, so we signed that along with permission to give Calpol, apply suncream etc. They haven't actually ever taken them out of the setting but the permission covers it if they did.

I would actually say this is a potential safeguarding concern. A keyworker/teacher/ta/anyone in a childcare setting should be able to be objective about the child and their family. If she can't be objective, that opens the door to all sorts of things including covering up abuse (I'm NOT saying this particular person would do that, but safeguards need to be in place for that small percentage of people who would take advantage).

I wouldn’t be comfortable with this.
if there’s no policy against this in place I’d be moving nursery.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you having a new partner, stop worrying