Nursery teacher dating my sons dad

[Dream246]

So it's come to light that my sons dad is in a relationship with his nursery key worker. The nursery are also aware and have said they don't have to do anything about it. My son is with her 5 days a week in close proximity and I feel like they are not listening to my safeguarding concerns and have held back information from me.

Would you move your child?

@Dream246 Has Father confirmed he didn't give consent?

She might be afraid to approach you, I think I’d smile and say hi, assuming they got together after you split

Really??? She’s a young girl, 21, probably first proper job that’s she’s trained for, and you think she should be fired? That’s ridiculously vindictive

I'm not sure either parent is acting in their son's best interests tbh. He is 4 and already both mummy and daddy have new partners by the sounds of it.
And yes, I have been a single parent myself. For quite a number of years.

If she took your child off site without written consent you already have cast iron proof of the safeguarding issue.

I would absolutely not let this go. I would write to them and say you are going to make an official complaint to Ofsted unless they give you satisfaction and a written guarantee that she has no responsibility and no contact with your child.

What's he doing knocking off a 21 year old nursery worker anyway? Does he want someone so young and naive in order to exert maximum control over them?

Eh? It’s her SON. She’s responsible for his well-being. You don’t think it’s confusing for him daddies girlfriend who is round his house on the weekend is also his key worker? What happens when they split up?

@Dream246 100% minimum she is no longer his key worker, no taking off site. Escalate that in writing as they are not responding. They know they’ve fucked up. But changing nurseries would be out the questions

You may have missed the post but she doesn’t know if she is there when her son is.

If she took him off site without consent she did do something wrong and it is a safeguarding issue.

Has the OP said what age her ex partner is? He could easily be a similar age

At least 50% of the twattery there is the female teacher...

not sure if nursery is diffrent but my nephew was moved from his school without my sisters conssnt-solicitor and school said therte nothing she can do

Where the hell are the senior managers in this situation? Communication - clear communication - is a big part of safeguarding and they're failing at that. They're not putting your child's wellbeing first.

It would be professional to limit this employees contact with your son (I'm sure there are plenty of other children she can be assigned to). But the real red flag is not responding to your concerns about him being taken off site without authorisation and their claims not backing up what you've seen with your own eyes.

I really think you have to move your DC, OP, because how can you trust them when they're telling you one thing but you're seeing another? And your son's key worker runs away from you? Very poor management of the whole situation and not in the child's best interest.

I would move my child because of this. I would feel like my child might get confused and like I’m being replaced in some way.

I think it’s easy for people who aren’t in the situation themselves to say you should be a bigger person and you’re not being replaced but I wouldn’t take this risk, especially with such a young child.

Many women already have to subdue their inner discomfort about having someone else spend most of the day with their child and not them. Let’s not pretend that when this person is dating their dad that is not a particular issue.

OK, so the lack of consent for the nursery trip is an oversight that is the manager's fault.
You can write a formal complaint to the manager about that.

If the key worker is not able to have a professional relationship with you, that is another problem.
I would ask for a meeting with either the room leader or the manager (or both) and say that if the key person doesn't feel able to deal with you any more, your son needs a new key person and maybe the current one needs to move to another room.

Move him. 100%. Horrible conflict of interest here. Don't even think about it. He can have a lovely time in the sandpit at another nursery.

I really feel for you. This is an awkward situation all round and it’s a shame your ex, or his new GF havent the guts to sit down and talk to you about this. You need to put your boy first of course . Perhaps a new key worker rather than a whole new nursery would be a good first step and then see how things unfold?

@Dream246 How old is your ex?

You need to talk to the Nursery Manager. Do not focus on the fact that your ex is dating your son's keyworker. You need to focus on your son being taken off site with another group without parent's knowledge and also on the lack of proper handover with your son's keyworker. Do you think your son would be unsettled if he had a different keyworker? When is he due to start school?

I was going to say I'd move him until I saw that he was 4, so I am guessing he will be starting school in September anyway? I don't think I would move him in that case as he won't settle properly before having to move again to a new school, so it could make things more difficult for him (unless he joins the nursery of the school he will be starting in Sept).

I agree that I would also not be happy with him spending so much time with this new gf - assuming he knows that she is daddy's new gf? - as he may become close to her and then dad may dump her etc. Or she may end up being hurt by your ex and then potentially be less friendly to your little one at nursery.

Thing is the child has two parents and the father also gets a say, she can’t just act unilaterally. If the child is happy there, may not even know about the relationship, she doesn’t know. Then moving the child is damaging for them.

also the kid is four, so likely finishing nursery in rhe summer and going to school.

Regarding people saying that I am not being a good parent as I also have a new partner. Firstly, the only time I see him is every other weekend and one evening a week, never around my children so how does that make me a bad mum? Also his dad isn't a bad person for being in a relationship either, rather the situation and who he is dating is causing the problem and given thay the nursery aren't helping. You may have chosen to stay single for years and that's your decision but don't judge others for their decision on when to date please.

I am really grateful for the all the points of view regarding this situation and those who spoke with kindness xx

Regarding people saying that I am not being a good parent as I also have a new partner. Firstly, the only time I see him is every other weekend and one evening a week, never around my children so how does that make me a bad mum? Also his dad isn't a bad person for being in a relationship either, rather the situation and who he is dating is causing the problem and given thay the nursery aren't helping. You may have chosen to stay single for years and that's your decision but don't judge others for their decision on when to date please.

I am really grateful for the all the points of view regarding this situation and those who spoke with kindness xx

Given your updates, I agree with you that the response from the nursery is inappropriate.

I would look for another setting in those circumstances.

What an awkward situation. I would be unhappy too and request a different key worker.

When I was teaching I dated and married (still married) to one of my pupils mums, its in no way un-professional or un-ethical and certainly not any kind of safeguarding issue.