Nursery teacher dating my sons dad

[Dream246]

So it's come to light that my sons dad is in a relationship with his nursery key worker. The nursery are also aware and have said they don't have to do anything about it. My son is with her 5 days a week in close proximity and I feel like they are not listening to my safeguarding concerns and have held back information from me.

Would you move your child?

It’s a bit different when the child’s mother is still alive.

I would move nurseries. Not because of her, but because of how nursery have handled it.

She shouldn’t be his key worker because there is a conflict of interest with you.

It could be a safeguarding risk if DC tried to report something from his home or of there was a red flag, she could brush it under the carpet because she “knows the situation”

She took him offsite without permission and it isn’t being investigated

Workig in military schools overseas the dynamics could get very complicated because social and working lives were very interlinked!

@TheBestThingthatAlmostHappened An unmarried father without PR has far fewer rights than a father who does. I am almost certain the parents here were never married, but happy to be corrected on that one, OP?
Also, OP refers to her "children" so I'm assuming she has more than one.
I do personally think the "turnaround" from separation to dating again is rather quick, although not sure when the OP separated from the childrens' father?
I'd also be interested to know how old dad is if his new gf is only 21. It's a lot to potentially consider becoming a step-parent at that age going forward

Also, re schools..
If bio parents (both with PR) disagree on where to send their child it isn't a case of one gets a say over the other; it can (and does) get taken to court as a Specific Issue Order (SIO) for a judge to decide.

• "Parental Responsibility (PR): If both parents have PR (generally married parents, or mothers and fathers named on the birth certificate), they must agree on major decisions, including schools.'

We're both 35

As she is so obviously uncomfortable around you I am surprised she is still your child's key worker. That seems like an easy thing for the nursery to change and doesn't need to be a big issue. Changing nursery is a bigger deal if your child is happy and settled and starts school this summer.

@Dream246 Very interesting that he has chosen such a young woman, and 14 yrs his junior.
The same sort of age gap as my ex-husband and his second wife (although she was a little older than 21 at the time.
Does he have money by chance?

The op doesn’t even know if the woman is around when the child is at weekends, it is highly feasible not. And no different to her own relationship. The op has decided she’s uncomfortable with her. But the nursery will put the child first, not the mums thought process. Especially if she’s wrong and the woman isn’t there when the child is. Changing key worker when the child leaves nursery for school soon, could be not good for the child, especially if the woman won’t be round the child at home until the summer and after they leave nursery.

as the ex isn’t communicating with the op on it. Likely as she’s all over nursery like she’s jealous, it’s left her in a position she’s no idea what’s going on and he the father is now in control. All he has to do is say no, my son doesn’t know, or she’s never there on the every other weekend I’m with him and he leaves in summer anyway.

id urge the op to calm down about it. As her son leaves nursery soon. And likely the woman will be there at weekends at that point if the relationship works out could be his step mother, and she would wish a good relationship, for both her and her son.

I’d assume irs because he 35, she’s only 21 and likely flattered.

for me, I’d have more ick about my ex dating. 21 year old than the fact she’s a key worker at my kids nursery which he is leaving soon.

Well, that’s not okay no matter who his keyworker is or isn’t going out with. If they aren’t willing to ensure that never happens again, you definitely need to look elsewhere, and potentially report them.

Hardly surprising shes avoiding someone that has been making complaints about her. For all the people telling OP to move the child to a different location, she can’t if the father has parental rights. He gets to have a say in that and if they can’t agree then a court can decide, so let’s not go giving duff advice that could cause even bigger problems for the OP.

Why would they not tell her?

Safeguarding in the respect that my son was taken off of site with a different class by the new girlfriend. No consent had been obtained by me or his dad.

Them dating is irrelevant, I’m not sure why this was the title of the thread.

The issue is that someone took your child off site without the parents consent.

Her being the dads gf is completely irrelevant which is why it’s a safeguarding concern.

Where did she take him?

You've basically said either or both

• my son knowing his keyworker outside nursery is a safeguarding concern
• my son's keyworker knowing going out with his dad is a safeguarding concern

NEITHER of these are naturally always definately going to be safeguarding concern. In rural communities with less movement in and out of the different generations, it's pretty common that teachers will teach kids they know outside school, without any safeguarding concerns!

If you know something untoward has happen between your child and his keyworker, fair enough, but nursery aren't going to change your child's keyworker based on a "safeguarding concern" unless you actually raise a safeguarding concern!

Yes, I would move child.

SHE CAN'T MOVE THE CHILD WITHOUT FATHER'S CONSENT!!

Completely inappropriate and ill judged by nursery.

Headteachers have quite a different relationship with children than a Nursery key worker. A key worker should have a secure attachment with the child.

This is difficult for OP, understandably. But it is also difficult for the key worker and child if the relationship doesn’t last. I would expect a new key worker, minimum. I honestly think the person should move room if it’s that kind of nursery.

Those who think it’s fine - think harder.

The nursery’s first duty is to the child. Supposing there was to be a safeguarding issue - how can a nursery worker in a relationship with one of the parents and with a reasonable suspicion of bias towards one or against another parent be expected to take a dispassionate view when assessing or reporting concerns? Very unprofessional to allow this in the child’s key worker. .

I dont think its a safe guarding concern? And I wouldnt switch nurseries unless there was another reason to do so. But I would request a different key worker. . This person is now raising your child whilst you are at work and also if/when she is spending time with your ex.
I wouldnt be comfortable with that.

I would expect the nursery to allocate a new keyworker.

THIS. Also she will be the one assessing his development. If she can't be objective she can't reasonably be expected to do that.

I did! It didn’t even flag as the slightest issue, I just said this is DCs months notice, and signed forms at a different nursery. Nobody even asked his opinion.

If he did take her to court though, she could always mention moving them because a member of staff took her child off site without permission and her complaint was ignored. Pretty sure most judges would agree that’s a problem.

SHE CAN !!