To block this flaky Mum friend and ignore her from now on?

[RentalRut]

DS had his birthday party as softplay yesterday. It was a pay per head party with 20 guests, so not exactly cheap.

I've known this Mum friend since our children were babies. She had rsvp'd to say that her DS would love to join us at DS's party however they didn't show and there was no message or call to explain why. The Mum friend has always been a bit flaky and always complains that she's stressed juggling her kids and work etc. Her life seems a bit chaotic and she always acts like shes drowning. Fair enough, but not turning up to a party after saying you would and wasting a space that someone else could have had is just rude imo.

She's now messaged me this evening apologising and explaining that she completely forgot as she's had a busy week etc etc, the usual excuses. I've decided not to reply and just block her as I'm sick of the constant excuses and let downs.

Aibu to block her for this and ignore her from now on? She obviously thinks her time is more important than ours and I'm totally sick of it.

Sounds like she needs a bit of support. Not blocking

You know what, I sometimes feel like I’m drowning and life is hard, juggling work and kids but saying you’ll show up to a kids party and then not showing up is just not good enough unless there’s an emergency. Saying she forgot is an awful thing to say. Once we get the invite, we put it on the calendar once accepted, it’s not hard.

If she’s got form I would agree with your approach and maybe it will be a lesson to her that she can’t treat people in this way.

I can understand it’s annoying but she’s apologised so I think your reaction to it is extreme. Are you really so perfect?

I wouldn't block her. Just reply ' No worries' and don't contact her directly again. Nod politely if you see her in public but don't expend another ounce of energy on someone who isn't worth it.

How old are the children? Are they school friends now or only friends through you as a parent.

if they’re young and only are friends though you I’d just drift away and not invite again. If the children are friends I wouldn’t make an effort myself but wouldn’t block as you may need their number in the future.

I wouldn’t block someone for being forgetful.

I wouldn’t block her but I wouldn’t invite her son again

I hate this blocking culture.. it's so cruel and horrible.. dont do that

These type of people don't need support..they want scaffolding and they'll suck you dry if you let them.

I get you’re annoyed but stop being so dramatic! You don’t know what’s going on in her life. I’m a bit of a drama queen myself and it’s come back to bite me on the bum. Take a breath and reply, “no worries, I hope all is OK.”

"I've decided not to reply and just block her as I'm sick of the constant excuses and let downs."
So it's not just about this party then? "Constant excuses" suggests this is the latest incident in a long line?

The kids are school friends but are now in different classes so don't play as much as they used to.

DH thinks I'm being a tad dramatic but it's a step too far for me this time.

Send back a nice message. Why wouldn't you? If you want to step back from her do so without creating upset. Managing friendships when the kids are young is a lot like being at work. Be professional at all times because you will be possibly bumping into each other for some years to come.

It sounds like she's struggling? I know it's annoying when you've paid but I'd expect the odd no show to a kids party. I have 3 kids and there seems to be a party for one or another most weekends. I forgot one once too, I felt really bad but these things happen and the mum was fine about it. You don't have to be friends with her though, it doesn't sound like you want to be!

I wouldn’t block her, that seems a bit dramatic. Just say ok no worries then slowly fade her out. Be polite if you see her but don’t make any plans to meet up.

You will regret blocking her and creating a drama out of this. My kids are in their 20s now and I’m telling you you’re in for the long haul with this stuff so just let it wash over you.

This is the first time she's not shown up to a party but she often cancels plans last minute are turns up late to things.

I feel like she thinks her time is more important than mine.

How is it an awful thing to say? It’s just the truth.

I’d just quietly distance myself.

Personally I think it’s awful because it’s not just saying “I forgot” it’s saying “you and your kid weren’t important enough to remember” and that is awful.

If you can’t remember to show up for a kids party then stop accepting invites.

Some people are fine with flakes. Some people can handle someone not turning up because they forgot, where hungover, didn't feel like it or decided sleep was more important than attending an event you committed to in advance.

I'm not one of those people and it doesn't sound like you are either. We all have busy lives it's not an excuse to waste someone else's time and it's a terrible example to set for your children.

This is what I think I'll do. I will likely need to see her fairly often at other parties or clubs but I feel like I'm done with her and I'll just ignore her if she attempts to engage with me.

I wouldn't bother my arse if she showed up with her kids or didn't. It didn't really affect you. She sounds likes he's struggling, so I'd cut her a modicum of slack and be the better person.

Exactly this!!!

I suffer with awful sleep, really busy life, anxiety, blah blah blah and find kids birthday parties quite nerve wracking due to my anxiety but I’d never not show up to a birthday invite we’d accepted. It’s poor form.

Yes block her, she doesn’t need friends like that. She needs support it seems.

I get that it’s annoying that you have paid for her son but it doesn’t sound like it was deliberate