To block this flaky Mum friend and ignore her from now on?

[RentalRut]

DS had his birthday party as softplay yesterday. It was a pay per head party with 20 guests, so not exactly cheap.

I've known this Mum friend since our children were babies. She had rsvp'd to say that her DS would love to join us at DS's party however they didn't show and there was no message or call to explain why. The Mum friend has always been a bit flaky and always complains that she's stressed juggling her kids and work etc. Her life seems a bit chaotic and she always acts like shes drowning. Fair enough, but not turning up to a party after saying you would and wasting a space that someone else could have had is just rude imo.

She's now messaged me this evening apologising and explaining that she completely forgot as she's had a busy week etc etc, the usual excuses. I've decided not to reply and just block her as I'm sick of the constant excuses and let downs.

Aibu to block her for this and ignore her from now on? She obviously thinks her time is more important than ours and I'm totally sick of it.

@NoFiller that all sounds so uptight. “Several obviously wet blankets” — maybe they are just people who believe in giving second chances and treating struggling people with a bit of kindness?

I agree that blocking and ignoring is childish and dramatic, but I also wouldn't be saying 'No worries', given it's a pattern of behaviour. The thumbs up acknowledges the message but should make it clear that you're not impressed.

Her feeling that her time is more important than yours is you putting feelings into her head though. From the sounds of it, she is scatty and disorganised rather than malicious. I'd back away but I wouldn't ignore her when you see her. Just don't make plans with her going forward unless they're ones where her being late or cancelling don't matter, eg. a park play where you're happy to go with just your children.

I would just reply saying oh thats a shame little Johnny couldnt make it, the kids had a great time. Hope you are well or something along those lines and then quietly quitting her. Rather than a dramatic blocking.
Look I have a hectic life myself, kids, working and doing a degree as well as all the usual shit that comes with family etc I never missed a kids party or if I couldn't make it messaged to say so.

I'm too old for all this blocking business. Seems a bit dramatic.

I don’t get this ‘blocking’. Why on earth would you need to block a school mum because she didn’t turn up to a kids party? Abusive ex, spam callers, fraudster… yes! Flakey mum??? Just ignore the text?? Why does she need to be blocked- what does it achieve?Its such an overreaction.

It’s annoying when people don’t turn up- but I don’t invite them the next year.

FWIW- my DS’s godmother and my very best and dearest friend forgot my son’s birthday party. After a call to check she was ok she turned up 30mins late flustered and devastated at her mistake. All genuine. No upset. No blocking. Friendship intact.

Blocking is so lame. Just stop inviting and organising things with her. If she’s capable of pulling her socks up for the sake of your children’s friendship then she will, otherwise they can just be friends at school.

I guess I just don’t get blocking as a thing though. It just seems so self important and smacks of inability to communicate with any kind of maturity. Harassment is the only reason to block someone imo.

Don’t block her. That will give her the opportunity to make you and your behaviour the issue when it is actually her behaviour which is the issue.

As others have said, distancing yourself is the right call here.

Why would you block her? There is no reason. It’s harsh and mean. She’s clearly having a hard time

You don't sound a very nice person. I hope she has better friends. What a complete overreaction to someone forgetting.

If it was only the party yes, but she has form for flaking - lots of it. So she's had many second chances. It gets tedious. I agree that blocking is extreme but I wouldn't make any more plans with her. She will carry on flaking if everyone lets it go.

My son was invited to a party and I had a newborn…
I put it in planner … for the day AFTER the party.
So party came and went and we would have been no/shows with no text. Only the next day did we realise as I’m standing in a sports hall being told so & so’s birthday was yesterday.
Insert me now feeling terrible for numerous reasons - very upset son & I’m so embarrassed I got it wrong.
I immediately text the man & explained and we dropped around to her house with present for her little boy and the 2 boys had a play.

Mistakes do happen so please don’t block this woman. I’d say distance yourself a bit if you feel you are being taken advantage of or your time is not being respected but I think blocking as grown adults is not needed.

(another party example for different son. 3 of his friends due to come to play party - 20 euro per child. The 3 boys had a fight on street before party and none of them were allowed go because the parents got involved and didn’t want them to be around each other. When all this was kicking off, we were already en route to party. I get texts of the Mam’s saying they weren’t going. That was me 60 quid out of pocket and my son disappointed some friends didn’t show up.
Not going to lie, it left a sour taste in my mouth that we were treated that way. That they didn’t think of my son or the cost involved but in hindsight, they had their reasons. Did I block these people? No. But I was wary of them for a bit and I didn’t invite their kids to any future parties).

What if she genuinely forgot though?

I think blocking her would be harsh because it sounds like she may have MH issues. I used to be like her when I had MH issues many years ago. I would forget parties, or get the date wrong. Or I was always late. Nowadays, I don’t make mistakes like this at all, ever.

Some people are just rude but tbh she sounds like someone struggling.

If she contacted and apologised that does sound like she genuinely forgot. There were 20 other kids there right? I know these places aren't cheap but they aren't the earth either. Just contact her when you aren't so riled up. It's not worth losing a friendship over.

There is no need to block her.

Seriously you have years of primary school ahead. Do not do something that you will cringe about in future years.

Some parents will do this regularly. Very often they will be the parents who don't organise parties themselves. Its ok to be annoyed about it but do not take it personally.

If you do this you will look incredibly petty.

One of the rules in life is that you don’t create drama with people that you have to regularly see within the context of your children and classmates.

Instead of focussing so heavily on how you feel, put your children first and don’t make waves with people that they are going to be socialising with for the foreseeable future.

How could she tell her earlier? She forgot. She didn’t know she was going to forget, or else she’d have remembered.

Ridiculous over reaction.

Some people just are incredibly disorganized and useless at normal life. It doesn't mean they don't respect you or think their time is more valuable than yours or want to drag you into a drama of supporting them. Sometimes they have ADHD which has been undiagnosed. She didn't do it deliberately.

I cannot understand this modern urge to block everyone who's ever done anything annoying. How the f* do people live, everybody's annoying sometimes. You just don't get have to get too involved with her, that's all.

She sounds undiagnosed.

my husabnd is like this and amongst other thigns it broke me completely

I understand why you are annoyed- I would be too.

But blocking is childish. I would quietly distance myself, as others have said.

I agree with your DH whilst you don't need to reply with anything breezy blocking is a bit childish. More is said by silence and no response.

You sound really judgemental. It’s par for the course when you organise a party that someone might skip it (vomiting bug etc).

Maybe she doesn’t ”seem like” she’s drowning in the juggle - maybe she actually is. Maybe she’s ND and genuinely drops the ball all the time as she has very poor executive function. Maybe there’s something going on in her private life that means she’s a little unfocused right now (marriage issues, a sick or abusive parent, or whatever).

Either way you’re welcome to cut her off but to do it over a kids’ party is basically selfish and judgemental. Two people didn’t even turn up to my bloody wedding - and we only invited 45 people! It’s part of the nature of an event that you’ll have drop outs.

She probably did genuinely forget.

Which is unacceptable. It’s rude and disrespectful. That’s the point.

She forgot because she couldn’t be bothered to remember or to set a reminder, such as putting it in her calendar. Because she didn’t care and wasn’t the one losing money.

If you’re booked in for surgery, and the surgeon forgets to turn up, or a childminder forgets to pick up your child or to feed them, is that OK because they “genuinely forgot though”?

As annoying as it is I wouldn’t block or ignore her. I just wouldn’t make plans anymore. I’d let her initiate all meet-ups and if I was due to meet her but something came up I’d cancel her and do the other thing. Treat her the same way. She may then get the message and either step up or the friendship will naturally end