To block this flaky Mum friend and ignore her from now on?

[RentalRut]

DS had his birthday party as softplay yesterday. It was a pay per head party with 20 guests, so not exactly cheap.

I've known this Mum friend since our children were babies. She had rsvp'd to say that her DS would love to join us at DS's party however they didn't show and there was no message or call to explain why. The Mum friend has always been a bit flaky and always complains that she's stressed juggling her kids and work etc. Her life seems a bit chaotic and she always acts like shes drowning. Fair enough, but not turning up to a party after saying you would and wasting a space that someone else could have had is just rude imo.

She's now messaged me this evening apologising and explaining that she completely forgot as she's had a busy week etc etc, the usual excuses. I've decided not to reply and just block her as I'm sick of the constant excuses and let downs.

Aibu to block her for this and ignore her from now on? She obviously thinks her time is more important than ours and I'm totally sick of it.

I wouldn’t block her as that’s just as rude as she was and you should be the bigger person. I would just send a quick reply saying thanks for the apology and understand life gets busy sometimes. Then I wouldn’t bother inviting her to anything again.

Yes sometimes people are flaky and I have a friend like that who often cancels last minute, double books or just forgets. I don’t respond to messages now. It is disrespectful. If you have a tendency to forget stuff there is this miraculous thing most of us have in our phones called reminders which you can use if you are disorganised. I wouldn’t reply and just not contact her again.

She doesn't think that her time is more important than yours. She forgot and apologised.

Lots of people really struggle with this stuff - I used to be one of them, and would feel really awful when I forgot yet again.

Just don't invite her to anything that's time or numbers sensitive.

Phones don't always work for this. I can get a reminder in the morning for something like this, and have completely forgotten 10 minutes later.

Hehe - wow! That'll tell her.

Some of these responses are harsh. You could just not invite her kids to stuff in the future. You could try being polite and the bigger person.

Surely life is too short for all these dramatics over not very much.

Blocking is childish in these circumstances. You can fade away from this friendship without acting like a 14 year old.

I agree no need to block.

But if she is tries to arrange anything again, be honest with her and say sorry you’re not looking to arrange a meet up at the point as in your experience she is unreliable.

We are all busy and hve things going on but i would never forget a party that my child had been invited to.

I think that distancing yourself from someone is one thing. You just don’t engage, don’t reply and don’t invite.

But blocking people unless there is serious abuse involved is IMO petty pathetic teenage behaviour.

Just don’t bother engaging.

Would you actively blank someone in the street? Cross the road to avoid them? If so then you’re clearly one of those types.

But blocking sends a very real and pretty nasty message, and says a lot more about the person doing the blocking than the one being blocked.

That doesn’t mean you have to continue a friendship, but grown adults blocking and actively ending friendship is anything but grownup behaviour.

No need for the drama of blocking, just withdraw from making arrangements with her. Don't initiate invites yourself and be vague if she tries to make an arrangement with you. I find flakey people really irritating and always let any initial friendship fade if they start making a habit of forgetting or cancelling last minute.

I do think you're overreacting slightly, although I get it's really annoying.

I did this once, stupidly didn't add the invite to my calendar and completely forgot. I was mortified when the mum text me to ask if I was ok, I did try to make it up to her and took her DS and her out to softplay with a big birthday present to apologise.

I’d also block and avoid her from now on because you’ve said this isn’t the first time she’s been flaky. I hate flaky people. Plenty of us have busy lives and don’t waste people’s time.

I hate flakiness too OP it’s a pet peeve and I wouldn’t be interested in a close friendship with someone so scatty. I’d just ignore the message or reply with a thumbs up and keep all chat light and swift with her from now on. She may have loads going on at home but she may well not- I know a few really flakey people and there’s no particular reason for it!

It's just nasty isn't it?

Women are the worst to each other, how about some compassion. Saying I forgot is honest at least she didn't insert a lie to make it more appealing. I remember being a working mum with terrible sleep, severe PND and feeling constantly at the edge of coping for years. Flaky? You bet I was.

Surrounded by mothers who just wouldn't get off their 'Perfect organised mothers with everything under control pedestal'. My male colleagues and acquaintances were more supportive, sadly.

I think it's a bit dramatic and frankly childish and pathetic to block someone for this, as someone who found it overwhelming and did forget things from time to time when DDs were little. I hope you don't ever drop the ball, OP.

That's not to say you have to be best buddies or make plans with her but you can keep it civil, surely?

I wouldn’t block but I would probably send a short reply and keep my distance.

If I’ve said I will show up, I show up. I don’t let people down and I communicate if there’s a problem with plans.

Ok not everyone has the same capacity for these things but I protect myself from being disappointed and upset by letting these people fade to the background if they have been flaky and let me down.

Just don't invite her child to anything else.

Yeah, punish the child, that's nice.

I wouldn’t block her, but I’d do a ‘slow fade’

First post from @Jenry nailed it.

I'd back right off and don't contact her again but wouldn't block her.

Lots of us have busy lives with careers, kids, caring duties, pets - lots of different scenarios and yet most people manage not to be so horribly rude. Does she think 'forgetting' the party is better than not wanting to go and making up an excuse?

It doesn't sound like this is a one off and it's a horrible thing to do to a child, forgetting the fiancial aspect. She's shown you that you are not a priority or even a item on her hectic agenda - step away.

But they won't get to go anyway because of their own parent!

What's the difference except OP not wasting money on a space that doesn't get used?

All this..I've provided loads of people with support over the years and you get nothing back. Some people are just flaky. If she gives a gift then I would move on which she may still do. So I would just give a thumbs up for now...and if nothing else comes then ignore.

Thumbs up and then don’t plan anything with her in future. Say hello at schools etc but focus on other people.

There’s no need to create drama but also no need to engage more than basic politeness

Her poor kid missing the party.

Not replying and blocking her is utterly pathetic. And cowardly.

Why don’t you say to her you are annoyed and feel let down? Or are you too cowardly?

Your dh is right. Blocking is over the top. Just don’t invite her again.