To block this flaky Mum friend and ignore her from now on?

[RentalRut]

DS had his birthday party as softplay yesterday. It was a pay per head party with 20 guests, so not exactly cheap.

I've known this Mum friend since our children were babies. She had rsvp'd to say that her DS would love to join us at DS's party however they didn't show and there was no message or call to explain why. The Mum friend has always been a bit flaky and always complains that she's stressed juggling her kids and work etc. Her life seems a bit chaotic and she always acts like shes drowning. Fair enough, but not turning up to a party after saying you would and wasting a space that someone else could have had is just rude imo.

She's now messaged me this evening apologising and explaining that she completely forgot as she's had a busy week etc etc, the usual excuses. I've decided not to reply and just block her as I'm sick of the constant excuses and let downs.

Aibu to block her for this and ignore her from now on? She obviously thinks her time is more important than ours and I'm totally sick of it.

“I'll just ignore her if she attempts to engage with me.”

Wow, how old are you?!

So it’s the forgetting that’s awful, not saying it. At least she didn’t lie.

No need to block. No need to reply. If she asks whether you got her message just say yes but you “forgot” to reply. It depends how much you (or your son) value the friendship as to whether you withdraw. I have a couple of flaky friends I enjoy spending time with. I know they’re flaky so I never rely on them and only make plans if it’s something where it doesn’t matter whether they turn up or not.

The whole blocking thing - sounds like something my 14 yo would say!

Because she forgot a party?

I had two friends do this at my DD’s 3rd birthday. One messaged the night of the party and the other messaged 2 days later. They both had reasonable excuses, although one of them could have easily messaged to say she might not make it.
I sent a very basic reply, one suggested trying to catch up, the other just said “my bad”.

I didn’t block either of them, I just kept my distance, stopped reaching out first and the friendships fizzled out.

I think you should reply 'I don't mind you not turning up to my kid's birthday party and taking up a space that another child could have had, and not turning up to other events we have arranged, but please stop messaging me afterwards with apologies and reasons.' That should stop her behaviour next time.

I hate this no show culture. It's rude and wastes peoples time which we already don't have enough of. Yet here we are.

Omg so dramatic with the “blocking”, surely that’s reserved for people who are harassing you?! Just don’t nvite her again but be a normal polite human being and don’t block or ignore her, so childish

What's the benefit of saying she doesn't mind something which she clearly does mind?

It sounds like you arent suited to be friends, and that's ok. Blocking and ignoring is very passive aggressive and unnecessary. Just say 'no worries' and keep in light. Dont make plans with her directly incase she forgets, but still include her in any group things that you arent paying for, and dont invite her to things you are paying for.

Just move on

It’s a children’s party - I think you’re being dramatic and a bit mean. I get it’s annoying and she sounds flakey, but she didn’t do anything awful, just forgot a party! Just message and say “no worries, shame you couldn’t make it”, then perhaps distance yourself from her a bit. I think blocking on this occasion would be unkind and would make it awkward should you see each other.

When my dc were little I once went to birthday party a day early 😂. We went in, sat down. Took me quite a while to realise I didn’t know anyone there!

There were times when I really was struggling and can easily see how it could be forgotten.

But you know her and your choice.

Yes this.

Op, your friend was in the wrong and I hope she has or does apologise profusely and tries to make amends.

OP, do you have any theories why she is flaky? I’m sure some of my mum friends thought I was flaky. I was (unknowingly) living with domestic abuse and undiagnosed autism and ADHD. By the the time DC2 came along, who also had autism and ADHD and therefore never slept and was very demanding, I was working at a level that was beyond my ability to cope. I certainly forgot a few parties, I also forgot quite a few hospital appointments because in those days they did not send out text reminders and I used to
forget To check ky diary. I also turned up for things on the wrong date or the wrong time. I didn’t mean to be like this but I couldn’t cope.
I eventually developed a serious chronic illness and am now too ill to work.

I would absolutely block. Totally rude and cost you money. No need for any more contact and saying no worries etc is wrong as she has done something wrong. We all have loads on our plates all the time and we don’t let it be the detriment of others … so yeah f**k her 😅

Blocking is pathetically dramatic.

Blocking a tired busy mum for being frazzled and forgetful?! With friends like you who needs enemies. Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t really know about. Try being less judgmental and cruel

Reminds me of the old social cuts…. From the regency period.

Blocking I suppose is the new Cut Indirect.

This 100%. Why are so many people advising that the OP should reply ‘no worries’ when that’s clearly not how she feels at all? I hate hate hate this passive aggressive female culture of saying things are fine while simmering with resentment. Nothing was ever made better by an adult saying something is fine when it actually isn’t.

OP: don’t say stuff you don’t mean. I personally wouldn’t block either. Either just quietly distance yourself as someone upthread advised, or just tell her politely but assertively that you would have appreciated it if she could have let you know earlier, because the cost was per head and since she didn’t give you enough notice to find someone else the money was wasted. Will she actually have realised this? You might be doing her a favour/giving her a wake-up call by telling her. I’m afraid I can sometimes be a bit flaky, but I would make an effort not to be if I understood that it was going to cost the other person money.

I don’t think I’d block but I just wouldn’t respond and keep a distance in the future due to the pattern of behaviour. There is a culture of rudeness from people that they just do what they want without considering the impact on others.

I wouldn’t have blocked but I would ignore. Google calendar exists for a reason, why are people still making excuses for shitty disorganisation?

The amount of people defending the mum. If she’s constantly like this, I’m not surprised you’re fed up of her. I wouldn’t block, just reply “no worries” but then don’t invite her or really engage in the future.

I had a mum friend like this and it is annoying. However, she wasn't even apologetic. She would just not show up or reply to any messages and then pop up again as if nothing happened.
I didn't block her but just didn't initiate anymore meet-ups or put any effort. She still sends me the odd message now and then and I give a polite emoji.

Same as others, I'd not block, to be honest it's not worth it. Just be polite but no longer get involved with each other and no more invites, then just let it go. Life is too short to worry about this kind of stuff - I promise that you won't even remember her name in 10 years once your paths stop crossing and the kids out of school!