To block this flaky Mum friend and ignore her from now on?

[RentalRut]

DS had his birthday party as softplay yesterday. It was a pay per head party with 20 guests, so not exactly cheap.

I've known this Mum friend since our children were babies. She had rsvp'd to say that her DS would love to join us at DS's party however they didn't show and there was no message or call to explain why. The Mum friend has always been a bit flaky and always complains that she's stressed juggling her kids and work etc. Her life seems a bit chaotic and she always acts like shes drowning. Fair enough, but not turning up to a party after saying you would and wasting a space that someone else could have had is just rude imo.

She's now messaged me this evening apologising and explaining that she completely forgot as she's had a busy week etc etc, the usual excuses. I've decided not to reply and just block her as I'm sick of the constant excuses and let downs.

Aibu to block her for this and ignore her from now on? She obviously thinks her time is more important than ours and I'm totally sick of it.

Yes, people with mental health conditions should just be more organised. Easy.

She "looks like she is drowning". That sounds like struggling to me.

No, OP said in her OP that she “acts like she’s drowning”. Acts. Pretends. OP doesn’t think it’s real either.

... that's how a person who is struggling acts...

No one is asking OP to rescue this mum, or even go out of her way for her at all. They are just asking her to not put the boot in. Perhaps even include the child in activities, if it's something like a big group trip to the park, where it doesn't matter if she doesn't show.

As someone who has done this....twice....to the same parent/child, please accept the apology. I can guarantee she feels incredibly guilty.
(Both times I turned up on the wrong day 🙈).

I like this phrase and I’m going to use it.

Why is everyone being so harsh ? Folk can genuinely forget ( it happened to me once ) f/t work, working weekends. You don’t know what is going on in her life chill out! next time just don’t invite her.

It happens.
It could happen to you one day.
She has apologised - the least you can do is acknowledge it.
You don't have to contact her in the future if you don't want to.

FML, I understand it's frustrating OP, but some of these recent replies...talk about being happy to kick someone when they're down, you vipers!!!!

In 9 pages, there has been one, count it - ONE other suggestion that if you want a full headcount at a party you invited people to weeks ago, one precaution you can take to guard against empty but paid for seats is to send a reminder to all the invitees the night before!

Maybe I was more attuned to this with a DC whose birthday always falls in a school holiday/across a BH, so we found at a very tender age that reminders were needed as all sorts of neurotypical, organised parents would merrily forget about it and make arrangements for family get togethers, BBQs, whatever.

It sounds like your DC is quite young. I'd suggest you get used to the fact that one or two people of those invited will ALWAYS not make it to a party, whether that's for D&V, outright forgetting, family bereavement, whatever. Give everyone a fighting chance with a gentle nudge the night before, and have a standby list of fringe friends who could perhaps step in at short notice if needed so you don't get bent out of shape about losing twenty quid.

And for what it's worth, it is deeply, deeply unlikely to be about someone feeling their time is more important than yours or your child's. I'm sure they have quite enough self-esteem issues about their organisational shortcomings & letting their own child down already. By all means distance yourself if you can't cope - I fully accept there are people who aren't compatible with my shortcomings because of their own neurotic anxieties/incessant need to project my lack of timeliness onto their own self-importance. But trust me, that's really NOT what it's about!

By all means keep a cool distance if you can't cope with someone else's shortcomings, but no need to put the boot in.

www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/adhd-what-you-need-to-know

www.adhdsupportaustralia.com.au/what-i-wish-neurotypicals-knew-about-adhd-and-time-blindness-why-being-late-isnt-about-laziness-or-lack-of-care/

You can distance yourself without the drama. You feel let down and that’s your right. You have made your mind up about her and know not to invite her to things again. But there’s no need to block her, what does that achieve other than making it awkward for you and potentially your dc? Just stay civil, you’ve marked her card and that’s that.

I think you are being dramatic. Just maybe don't invite her son to another party. But no reason you can't still be friendly. Would be pretty awkward for your son wouldn't it if you blocked her and fell out?

Ps. I forgot a party once, I was mortified. But I am a busy full time working mum with 2 kids and it's so hard keeping track of all the parties, appointments and school things. I'm terrible at writing things down as think I'll remember it. But I'm perimenopausal so my memory isn't what it used to be!!

I definitely didn't forget because I valued my time over the party host! I had the present and everything else sorted. My daughter was gutted too when I had to tell her I'd forgot the party!

I don’t think it’s a one off. I think this is just the final straw for OP after a pattern of this.

Don’t be so rude! She forgot, big deal. You want a consequence then don’t invite her son next year. Stop inviting her to do anything else but your DH is right, you are being ridiculous and dramatic

OP, I have three generations of women and girls with ADHD on my family, and while we’ve never forgotten a kid’s birthday party, we’ve forgotten doctor’s appointments, lunch dates, tests in school. I forgot my father’s retirement party, and believe me, it wasn’t because I didn’t care or didn’t think it was important. I’m still trying to forgive myself.

The situation with this woman looks like classic ADHD behavior on her part. Social relationships are so difficult for women with ADHD because of this exact scenario - we forget things or mess things up and people assume we just didn’t care. It’s devastating, especially if you’re undiagnosed and you don’t know why you forgot. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 22 and my mom wasn’t diagnosed until she was 59.

Whether you invite her to anything again or not, please, please do not block this woman. She probably feels like absolute shit about this entire situation.

This!! She forgot a party - the worst affected person here is her child, not yours who had a party with friends. This is not a reason to block, and if you think it is it sounds like you must live a high conflict life with everyone you know. She didn’t storm into the party, punch the cake and tell your child they’ve always been a brat, then steal all the presents- now that’s blocking territory although actually it probably needs a mental health intervention instead. Normal people only block people in extreme circumstances. These are not those.

Explain to me how the OP qualifies as an expert to be able to differentiate between a person being 'as if they're drowning' and 'acting as if they're drowning.'?