To block this flaky Mum friend and ignore her from now on?

[RentalRut]

DS had his birthday party as softplay yesterday. It was a pay per head party with 20 guests, so not exactly cheap.

I've known this Mum friend since our children were babies. She had rsvp'd to say that her DS would love to join us at DS's party however they didn't show and there was no message or call to explain why. The Mum friend has always been a bit flaky and always complains that she's stressed juggling her kids and work etc. Her life seems a bit chaotic and she always acts like shes drowning. Fair enough, but not turning up to a party after saying you would and wasting a space that someone else could have had is just rude imo.

She's now messaged me this evening apologising and explaining that she completely forgot as she's had a busy week etc etc, the usual excuses. I've decided not to reply and just block her as I'm sick of the constant excuses and let downs.

Aibu to block her for this and ignore her from now on? She obviously thinks her time is more important than ours and I'm totally sick of it.

It’s ok to distance yourself and message her to say it is a shame someone else could have had their spot. But please give her a bit of leeway, I was that mum once. It’s not personal or anything about you, she forgot because she’s overwhelmed and that’s not a nice place to be in when you know you’re letting your dc down.

I actually think it’s pretty bad to forget because if you have RSVP’d to something it would be in your diary/phone etc and she clearly hasn’t given the event any thought which I think is a lack of respect. What if all the mums behaved like this - there would be no party?

however, I would not block. Either don’t reply or reply being polite and distance yourself. I wouldn’t have a go at her - it’s not worth your energy.

Agree. No need to block, just maybe put a thumbs up and refuse to engage from here on. I wouldn't be responding to her messages either as she has form for flakey behaviour so this is not a one off

Ive had this with a class party with one Mum (although not a friend outside, just a hi at the school gate). The excuse she gave was ridiculous for a no show and she’s been flaky with replying to other parties. I always give loads of time for replying and always say yes even after the rsvp date on invite (so not a strict party organiser Mum!). No matter what you do, there will always be one or two who have to be difficult. It’s just plain rude when you think about the cost, cake, party bags, liasing with the venue on numbers etc. Also, no one is forcing anyone to say yes - just say you’ve got family plans that weekend if you have no intention of turning up.

It’s the kids I feel sorry for when the class is excitedly chatting about the party in school, especially if it’s a whole class one.

I wouldn’t deliberately block but I wouldn’t bother contacting her if she does that to you.
Let her make the effort if she wants to.

This is I think the third message that says respond with 'no worries' and not speak to her. I genuinely don't understand this. 'No worries' implies that it's not an issue and to not worry about it. It is an issue and it's not ok. You're literally saying it's not an issue before giving the cold shoulder. Is this like when people say 'with all due respect' when what they mean is 'kiss my arse'?

People just need to chill out! So bloody what if she didn't turn up to a birthday party? People just want to spend their lives holding meaningless grudges

No it just means I’m not going to worry about it. Not passive aggressive at all. Let the resentment go!!! Haha. It’s a kids party, I think a sense of perspective would be good. You will all look back and be embarrassed! Many parents will annoy you over your kids’ school lives, you need to find a way to shrug it off without drama.

Being a single working mum is hard. She has told you she is frazzled. Who knows what she is dealing with? Some are more capable than others, some cope more easily, some struggle regardless.
Just be kind and polite.
Send a gentle note: We missed your ds. Hope all is okay.
Blocking the mum shuts out the boy which isn't nice.
I don't advocate asking or expecting to be reimbursed as you'd spend the money either way. I do, however, believe in the gesture of reimbursing without being prompted. Find out the p/head cost by contacting the venue and drop it off in a card along with a small birthday gift or voucher, OR just a reimbursement OR just a gift/voucher.

Don't block her, she doesn't deserve that. She's scatty and careless, not malicious or destructive. I wouldn't invite her to anything again though unless it doesn't matter whether she turns up on time, or at all.

My first thought too

They are usually around £25 per head at these parties so I would be really annoyed, in fact we had a flaky mum not show up at our latest one with not even a message to apologise. It’s the cost and the fact that another child could have been invited.

I think you need a thicker skin. Your child is “soft play” age you have many more years of this drama ahead of you. It’s annoying but it happens.

When my precious first born was young, I double booked a party. I was mortified and sent a grovelling apology the night before, offered to pay for the place, sent the present in to school on Monday etc. The parent declined my offer and thanked me for the gift.

I’ve turned up to a party we weren’t expected at because the kid wrote her own invites and put the mum’s RSVP number down wrong. There were quite a few and she hadn’t done enough party bags. The mum was so embarrassed but it was just one of those things.

I’ve had kids not turn up and parents that have messaged on the day to say their kids aren’t coming (to a £20 per head party) as they are now grounded. It feels crap and flaky but these things happen. You've just got to suck it up and ride it out. Wait until they are teenagers- that is the gift that keeps on giving 😂

its a good job everyone doesn’t have that attitude or you would have a very upset child and a couple of hundred quid down the drain.

She's busy and overwhelmed. Most friends, esp busy mums, will at some point do something like this. your response seems quite immature and self centred. if you want to have friends in the long term, would suggest being more grown up and nice about things like this.

I think it's a perfect opportunity to reply with just a 👍.

I wouldn't be blocking her and ignoring her if she 'tries to engage' though. That's just melodramatic if you mean you'd actually stand there in stony silence while she tried to talk to you. You can be perfectly polite but not make any further arrangements with her.

I wouldn't block her but I wouldn't invite her again.

Or if i were really brave, I'd tell her that it was a pity as I'd prepaid for all the children and a 20 pound ticket unfortunately went unused. See if she reimburses.

I wouldn’t block but I wouldn’t reply no worries either. Just don’t reply and don’t invite again. It sounds like she’s repeatedly letting you down not a one off.

She should have offered to pay. She’ll know you had to pay.

I did this once. Just completely forgot. I was going through cancer treatment at the time, am a single parent and a load of other stuff and was completely drowning but school mums mostly didn’t know about any of that.

I’ve been both the forgotten and the forgetee!

Its unfortunate but life sometimes is chaotic with little kids and the constant parties an chores needing done at weekends an grandparents to visit and shit.

Theres little to be gained by blocking. That’s so childish and cowardly. Just be polite and move on.

Wow the school mum petty playground antics are still in full force aren’t they. I don’t miss those years whatsoever. She didn’t murder anyone, she just forgot your party. Calm down!

I once forgot a party for my daughter. The girls are still friends a decade on. Thankfully the mum was understanding when I apologised for forgetting. I didn’t make that mistake again!
These mums and kids if you all stay local might come in and out of your life for a long time. Do you really want to be the person who got the hump and blocked someone over forgetting a party at soft play? Is it that important? It’s not as if she didn’t apologise. For all you know she could have ADHD or other personal reasons why her life is chaotic. You may not wish to be close to someone with those issues but I do think you sound somewhat judgmental.

I wouldn’t block but it’s fine not to respond. Certainly do not reply “no worries” which is a ridiculous suggestion made by several obviously wet blankets here.

“No worries” would be giving the message that her behaviour is fine and has not affected you, whereas she was actually extremely rude not coming. As you know, it wasted your money and was a place another child could have taken.

“Forgetting” an invitation one has accepted is not acceptable (except perhaps in an emergency situation or time of illness, bereavement etc) - she should have put it in a calendar. I’m sure she wouldn’t have forgotten if it had been something important to her or something she had spent money on. But as it wasn’t her money, she couldn’t be bothered to remember or take steps to remember.

Blocking someone is childish and cowardly to me, I'd reply saying it's a shame as the space could have gone to another child as it was prepaid and wasted, but your child had a good time, you can then ignore further communication but at least you've said something, be an adult about it

I definitely wouldn't block, but I wouldn't invite again, and id reflect her level of effort, while still being polite. Some people seem to struggle more with basic life stuff, I'd just let it go.