DD had to pay for food at friend’s birthday party

[WalkAway7]

Just look for advice from mums of teenagers. My DD (15) was invited to a birthday day out by a friend of hers. The plan was a day out in the city. We were asked to drop and collect our own children. When my DC have parties we always collect (using two vehicles) the kids from a central point and drop back to the same point. Anyway, another friend’s parents agreed to drop our girls and we agreed to pick them up (40 mins drive each way). My daughter came home and said they went to KFC and had to buy their own food (the parents had gone off for a few hours and they weren’t being collected until much later).
So I sent my daughter, with a card and gift voucher (same child gave sweets to our DD on her 15th birthday) and we were expected to drop, collect and feed on our children. How is this a “party”?
The parents are not poor as all our DDs all attend private school but perhaps cultural differences influence their decisions…
My question - the parents of the birthday girl should pay for the food?

By the teenage years it’s not a party, it’s hanging out with friends. Sometimes the birthday child had money to buy food but it wasn’t often the case by 15

It’s really hard to know. What was the invite for and who did it come from? If it was arranged by a teenager, then I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect them to have set accurate expectations about what is provided and who pays for it.

Standard for a 15 year old I would have thought. It wasn't a birthday party in the kids birthday party sense it was a day out with the birthday girl. If your friend invited you to the pub for a birthday drink and food would you not pay for it? They are not little anymore.

It wasn't a party it was a birthday day out and yes I'd expect all the girls to pay their way

I would have expected it's everyone pays their own way. It's a group of teenagers hanging out not a town hall with 7 year olds and fairy cakes

I think that at 15, unless the invite specifically mentions food, I'd assume everyone would pay for their own.

DDs friends re all turning 12 and they don’t really have parties anymore, they meet up at a local shopping centre, spend a couple of hours mooching around and then eat, we have dropped her and picked her up but the expectation is they take a little cash to buy something small and enough to cover a fast food meal at McDonald’s, Burger King or kfc.

I think you're treating this as a kids type party, rather than a group of teenagers going out to celebrate someone's birthday. I wouldn't expect anyone else to pay for food, although it would be a nice touch if they did. And again with the lifts, your reasoning sounds a bit odd; yes that might be the case with, say, 10 year olds, but 15 year olds?

Agree not a party.

at this age it’s usually going out with mates parents not really involved. Yes normal to pay for yourself.

At 15 and for a day in town/stopping at KFC I'd expect them to sort their own travel with family and pay for their own food.

They're teenagers on a day out for someones birthday its not a party of course they should buy their own food.

I think it's more of a day out, where they would have bought anything in the city they wanted and paid for their own lunch, rather than a birthday party where someone hosts an event. More of a girls day out.
I don't recall ever doing anything as a teenager specifically called a party but I guess I must have done something like hanging out with friends.

Interesting - if I go out for a friend's birthday now (as an adult) I (maybe with other guests) would usually pay for their dinner or at least buy them a few drinks. I know this varies culturally but in UK I think the standard is the invited friends pay for birthday girl/boy.
I wonder what age that changes!

At a birthday party yes I'd expect food to be provided but a day out in the city for a bunch of teenagers no I'd expect them to be paying their own way.

Sounds like they were just hanging out for the day with the birthday girl. I wouldn't have expected her parents to pay for the food.

I can’t believe you’re trying to call that a party! That’s a day out in town with mates. I absolutely would have expected my dc to be paying for themselves in that situation.

What’s happened for other birthday days out op? Or is this the first one?
I think I’d have expected them to be fed but clearly I’m in a minority (kids aren’t teens yet).

When both of my dds turned 12 they went to the local big shopping centre with friends - dd1 had a number that I could drop off, dd2 had loads so arranged to meet there. Both times I paid for bowling and gave them money to buy friends something to eat and drink, dd1 bought her friends Greggs sausage rolls, dd2 bought them nothing! Maybe there was a miscommunication?

At 15 though surely it's just hanging out together rather than a party

No its really not if anything its the opposite you pay for the person who's birthday it is so for e.g. if there are 20 of you going for a meal you split it 19 ways or everyone pays their own and chucks some extra in to cover the person's whos birthday it is

If the city was easy to get to on public transport I wouldn't even have expected them to get lifts.

That's what I said

They are teenagers, hanging out and having fast food. They weren't invited to Ritz. Girls should have paid their own food, nothing wrong there.

Yeah it is sorry I don't know how i read that so wrong 🙈🤣

Of course got drop and collect your own children, they’re teenagers! Why would the other parents arrange it?
A day mooching around town isn’t a party that needs to be hosted, it’s just doing something with friends for a birthday.

What teenager still has a party lol I teach them and very rare to hear of any parties from 12-13.

Days out, afternoons out etc and apart from giving a gift will pay there own way