DD had to pay for food at friend’s birthday party

[WalkAway7]

Just look for advice from mums of teenagers. My DD (15) was invited to a birthday day out by a friend of hers. The plan was a day out in the city. We were asked to drop and collect our own children. When my DC have parties we always collect (using two vehicles) the kids from a central point and drop back to the same point. Anyway, another friend’s parents agreed to drop our girls and we agreed to pick them up (40 mins drive each way). My daughter came home and said they went to KFC and had to buy their own food (the parents had gone off for a few hours and they weren’t being collected until much later).
So I sent my daughter, with a card and gift voucher (same child gave sweets to our DD on her 15th birthday) and we were expected to drop, collect and feed on our children. How is this a “party”?
The parents are not poor as all our DDs all attend private school but perhaps cultural differences influence their decisions…
My question - the parents of the birthday girl should pay for the food?

Most teens love being dumped with their friends while their parents bugger off somewhere else.

Edit: quotes the wrong post sorry.

Tricky one. My DD turned 15 and wanted a shopping trip with her mates to hang out. We had already arranged a “party” so this was an additional request from her. I made it clear that covering train fees/lunch/shopping money for all was something I couldn’t afford in addition to her bday presents and actual party/sleepover, so I made sure that she communicated that those who could come were to cover their own costs, so they could make that decision with their parents with all the facts (including what level of adult supervision would be there and when).

On another occasion, she wanted to go out with her friends to Nando’s, no adults. We talked about this and their budget/how to get there etc and whether her friends would have the funds to accompany her and pay too. My DD gets pocket money (around £5-10 per week) and has an account where she separates it into spending pots and savings pots. It created a good opportunity for a conversation about money, her approach to it and how others may approach it differently, as well as managing expectations of affordability etc. We drove them there & back, but also communicated the facts so that other parents could decide whether they were happy for their children to go on those terms.

At 15, they’re growing in independence, so I see this as a vital skill learning opportunity rather than bankrolling them and expecting them to have suddenly acquired money managing skills when they leave school.

My teens organise their own birthday outings.

I think it’s a mix of parent pays for the activity for everyone, but everyone buys their own food, or parent covers both food and activity. That’s if it’s an expensive, pre-booked, organised activity like bowling or trampolining or whatever.

Just mooching round the city and looking in the shops I would assume everyone needed to cover their expenses.

My Dc always pay for their own transport though, and plan buses/trains etc. And they also buy their friends presents with their own money.
DC2 is 14 - they might ask for a loan or advance to pay for a friend’s birthday present (and I might just give them the money instead) but I certainly wouldn’t have any more involvement than that.

This year I paid for both lunch and bowling for everyone invited for eldest’s birthday, and because it’s the earliest birthday in the friendship group, that seems to have set a precedent for all the others.

But in DC2’s friendship group, it’s been that the activity is covered but they buy their own food.

Both are normal ways of doing things.

This. DS wanted to go for a kebab with some of his classmates after school, on his birthday. I told him to invite them in advance, making it clear it was on him (us). They already go out regularly after school, but not everyone comes because they don't have the money.

It’s not really a party though it’s just hanging out with friends and using the birthday as a reason for getting together.
My sixth form child recently invited friends to go out for a meal for their birthday and we gave them money towards the bill in lieu of a party but this was not a general hang out like you describe, it was specifically a meal out to celebrate their birthday.

Pretty common for teens to arrange a day to go to city to hang out

No you didn't need to get a card or stuff like that. And yes all teens buy their own food. And mooch around the shops