DD had to pay for food at friend’s birthday party

[WalkAway7]

Just look for advice from mums of teenagers. My DD (15) was invited to a birthday day out by a friend of hers. The plan was a day out in the city. We were asked to drop and collect our own children. When my DC have parties we always collect (using two vehicles) the kids from a central point and drop back to the same point. Anyway, another friend’s parents agreed to drop our girls and we agreed to pick them up (40 mins drive each way). My daughter came home and said they went to KFC and had to buy their own food (the parents had gone off for a few hours and they weren’t being collected until much later).
So I sent my daughter, with a card and gift voucher (same child gave sweets to our DD on her 15th birthday) and we were expected to drop, collect and feed on our children. How is this a “party”?
The parents are not poor as all our DDs all attend private school but perhaps cultural differences influence their decisions…
My question - the parents of the birthday girl should pay for the food?

I would have expected the parents to give the birthday girl their card/extra cash to pay for everyone. That's what I have done in the past and what my DD's friend's parents have done for that age group. It's a bit mean spirited to expect people to pay for their own meal on your birthday.

Sounds like a lack of communication/info from the other parents and OP's daughter as to what the day would involve. Chalk this one up to experience and next time ask what the day will entail.

Absolutely standard, even when my kids were that age, twenty years ago. I'm surprised that you haven't come across this before.

I'd assume they'd pay for their own too. From age 10 I've always sent mine with bank card and cash for everything. Parties , friend meets , school trips

Your daughter is 15 and has gone out for the day with friends, it isn’t a “party” it’s just friends hanging out. She’s not 8 anymore and it’s not a little hall party with jelly and ice cream. I would of given her £15 for food with no expectations from the birthday girl or parents to pay for my child

Is it? I think it’s normal. So if you go out for a meal for your birthday you pay for it all? I wouldn’t be able to afford to go!

All your children are at private school - surely you can afford a KFC!

Whereas I would expect any 15 year old to have enough money in their account or on their bank card to cover food and shopping for a day in town. Most of the places they went probably barely take cash these days!

My dd 15, has a friend with a parent like you in her friend group, and tbh, it annoys me massively!

they are FIFTEEN years old. They don’t need you to buy their gifts, they don’t need lifts to places you can get to by public transport, and they don’t need or want mummy holding their hand.

i am really keen for my dd to get increasing independence, and have been stepping towards it for years, because in two very short years they could be in a completely different country on their own at uni. It is vital that at 15 they get to places on their own. It annoys the piss out of me when this parent, like you do I’m sure, starts a WhatsApp group before they go anywhere and says ‘right, I can take them, can anyone pick up’ ‘NO, fuck off, let them do it themselves.’ Rant over!

regarding the sweets, that is clearly because the nearly adult person is buying her own gifts now rather than mummy doing it for her.

My DS16 invited two friends to escape game and Burger King. We paid everything for the friends (ofcourse). Can't imagine inviting friends for your birthday and not "invite" them.

@WalkAway7 What do you mean by cultural differences?

When my teen has been invited on similar birthday days out food has always been paid for by the birthday girls parents. I would never invite others out like that and not pay for them, really weird not to.

Or OP should realise her daughter is not 7 and let her sort out her own friend's birthday present and organise her own party (with some guidelines around what money/support she could expect)

Absolutely the norm for my two DDs at that age.

And if they don't have any money on them? You shouldn't expect a child under 18 that you have invited to pay for themselves unless it has been made clear to the child/parents beforehand.

I’d say 15 is part of the transitioning phase. Too old for parents to still be buying their friends presents, but too young to have proper jobs and to be able to contribute like you say as an adult does. Hence the sweets.

My DS recently turned 14. No party this year as he’s getting too old, but he went for food after school with some classmates. We gave him the cash for this; wouldn’t dream of them being invited and expected to pay for their own food.

We’ve had a mix here. Sometimes the teen whose birthday it is has paid for all the food, sometimes everyone pays for their own.

I’ve always covered food for all of my kids friends on a birthday day out.

I seem to be in the minority who voted yanbu!
I see everyone’s point, about it not being a “party” but it does seem a little off that parents provided nothing for the evening, not even transport for a 40 mile round trip!
Perhaps a bit more detail about the evening should have been given, re the venue etc, so everyone would know that they were just going to KFC, (40 mile round trip for KFC?!)

I imagine the OP's DD was fully aware she needed to pay for herself but didn't feel the need to tell her mum as it was nothing to do with her.

Generally in groups of teens they will club together to cover anyone who doesn't have any money.

As pp have stated this isn't a party, it's teens hanging out. Totally normal for them to pay for their own food and parents to get them or get themselves there. My dd is 14 her last 2 birthdays I have paid for her and 5 friends to go ice skating but they made thier way there and had nandos after and paid for that themselves. I probably would have paid for their meals if they didn't go ice skating but I wouldn't expect other parents to reciprocate and her friends wouldn't expect it. For her friends birthdays they've hung out round their houses and had some pizza but they've not called it a party.

Thanks so much all for your replies. I totally appreciate that I am new to this and may have gotten the wrong end of the stick in that we would pay for DD’s friends’ food always and perhaps expected too much in return to be fair.
There was no invite to me just the birthday girl arranging the get together for her birthday with her friends as they were all in the middle of exams at the time of her actual birthday.

I don’t know a single 15 year old without a bank card. Or 11 year old, for that matter.

And a 15 year old is perfectly capable of saying “mum, can I have a tenner/can you stick £10 in my account so I can get kfc on Saturday with my mates?”

For any age up to 18??? Ahahaha nope.

No public transport where we live.

My DC have been out with friends for friends birthdays, they've made their own arrangements to meet, took money for food and shopped and paid for card and gifts themselves. They haven't had a birthday party/day out with friends arranged or attended by me since primary school. I wouldn't have been expecting them to have food bought for them by the birthday teen or their parents on a day out.