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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD had to pay for food at friend’s birthday party

206 replies

WalkAway7 · 21/02/2026 20:21

Just look for advice from mums of teenagers. My DD (15) was invited to a birthday day out by a friend of hers. The plan was a day out in the city. We were asked to drop and collect our own children. When my DC have parties we always collect (using two vehicles) the kids from a central point and drop back to the same point. Anyway, another friend’s parents agreed to drop our girls and we agreed to pick them up (40 mins drive each way). My daughter came home and said they went to KFC and had to buy their own food (the parents had gone off for a few hours and they weren’t being collected until much later).
So I sent my daughter, with a card and gift voucher (same child gave sweets to our DD on her 15th birthday) and we were expected to drop, collect and feed on our children. How is this a “party”?
The parents are not poor as all our DDs all attend private school but perhaps cultural differences influence their decisions…
My question - the parents of the birthday girl should pay for the food?

OP posts:
fruitbrewhaha · 21/02/2026 22:06

Fuck that, I’m 50 and I still throw a party for
my friends. My DDs 15 I took (and paid) for her friends to go paintballing and for her 16th we threw a party for 50 friends.

Glitterballofdreams · 21/02/2026 22:06

Age 15 def be prepared to pay for yourself, whatever activity they are doing. I can’t imagine many kids that age heading out with a budget for them and their friends.

ReturnOfTheToad · 21/02/2026 22:06

Hadalifeonce · 21/02/2026 21:43

At that age I would have expected the parents to confirm what the situation was. I do remember paying for DD and about 7 friends to have a pizza for her birthday. If I wasn't going to pay, I would have advised the parents to send their DDs with money for food and drink.

At that age I had zero contact with my children's friends parents. It was all organised by themselves with no input from parents at all. My kids say I'm going into town for Xs birthday and I say bye, have a good day.

redskyAtNigh · 21/02/2026 22:08

WalkAway7 · 21/02/2026 22:04

No public transport where we live.

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Well if you have a teenager and have chosen to live somewhere without public transport, then being a taxi service is part of the deal.

DaisyChain505 · 21/02/2026 22:08

It wasn’t a party it was a bunch of friends meeting up in town for the day. YABU.

SheilaFentiman · 21/02/2026 22:10

ReturnOfTheToad · 21/02/2026 22:06

At that age I had zero contact with my children's friends parents. It was all organised by themselves with no input from parents at all. My kids say I'm going into town for Xs birthday and I say bye, have a good day.

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Exactly this. They set up a discord group or whatever and figure out what they are doing and when to meet. If DS needs anything from me, he asks me. But he doesn’t, typically, except a lift to the station if it’s raining and I’m free.

Kallean · 21/02/2026 22:16

DD always pays on teenage birthday trips out (we provide the money), she goes to a private school in London and that's the norm in our circle. All of them made their own way there and back home, it's not the thing to be dropped off by parents, but London kids tend to be more independent with public transport.

GingerPants · 21/02/2026 22:17

ReturnOfTheToad · 21/02/2026 22:06

At that age I had zero contact with my children's friends parents. It was all organised by themselves with no input from parents at all. My kids say I'm going into town for Xs birthday and I say bye, have a good day.

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Same. I can’t imagine getting involved in a day out for teenagers.

Kelly1969 · 21/02/2026 22:18

Kelly1969 · 21/02/2026 22:02

I seem to be in the minority who voted yanbu!
I see everyone’s point, about it not being a “party” but it does seem a little off that parents provided nothing for the evening, not even transport for a 40 mile round trip!
Perhaps a bit more detail about the evening should have been given, re the venue etc, so everyone would know that they were just going to KFC, (40 mile round trip for KFC?!)

Just seen it’s 40 min round trip not 40 mile round trip!
Still quite a trek for those saying that at 15 they should be independent and using public transport!

ThatGoldLeader · 21/02/2026 22:20

TheBlueKoala · 21/02/2026 21:59

And if they don't have any money on them? You shouldn't expect a child under 18 that you have invited to pay for themselves unless it has been made clear to the child/parents beforehand.

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Do 15 year olds seriously go out with no cash/bank cards these days?! My, oh my, how things have changed...

ChillingWithMySnowmies · 21/02/2026 22:21

I'm in your camp OP. My DD16 invited 3 of her friends bowling for her birthday and me and her dad (my exh) covered all the costs for the lane hire and the food & drinks for the four of them.

Wouldn't even have occurred to me not to pay for it.

Cakeandcardio · 21/02/2026 22:22

I think by 15 I would have organised my own gift to give? I would certainly have organised what we were doing with friends and paid for my own KFC.

SheilaFentiman · 21/02/2026 22:25

ThatGoldLeader · 21/02/2026 22:20

Do 15 year olds seriously go out with no cash/bank cards these days?! My, oh my, how things have changed...

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Only in Imaginary World…

especially for a day in the city, which I assume involved some shopping 😀

rainbowunicorn · 21/02/2026 22:26

WalkAway7 · 21/02/2026 22:03

Thanks so much all for your replies. I totally appreciate that I am new to this and may have gotten the wrong end of the stick in that we would pay for DD’s friends’ food always and perhaps expected too much in return to be fair.
There was no invite to me just the birthday girl arranging the get together for her birthday with her friends as they were all in the middle of exams at the time of her actual birthday.

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So, not a party then. Just a bunch off teens meeting but for a day shopping and grabbing a bite to eat.
Maybe time to step back a bit. Your daughter isnt a young child.

Viviennemary · 21/02/2026 22:30

It'not a party. The parents werent even there for the food. But I can see why you expected them to pay. Bit rich inviting folk out and expecting them to pay for themselves.

herbalteabag · 21/02/2026 22:31

My experience at that age has been that if it is a day out in the city with friends and they get some lunch, then they all pay for themselves, But if they have been invited to go bowling or to paintballing etc, then they are not required to pay, and the birthday child's parents pay.

Winnie27101981 · 21/02/2026 22:33

I have a 16 year old daughter and a 14 year old son. I would probably have given them some money to get their friends an icecream or something (or put it towards the food reducing everyone’s totals) but other than that they are independent and it’s not really a party anymore.

I would though have all of them back for a sleepover afterwards and I would provide food etc then. That way it is slightly more special than just a day out and that is the birthday element!

Kickinthenostalgia · 21/02/2026 22:33

It’s a bit of a grey area tbh. Personally if I invite someone out we pay. DS invited his best friend for his 16th, not a chance I was gonna let the kid pay. He tried bless him but I wouldn’t take it. I think if they collectively decide then it’s okay to assume each pays for thier own. At least until 16.

arethereanyleftatall · 21/02/2026 22:33

ChillingWithMySnowmies · 21/02/2026 22:21

I'm in your camp OP. My DD16 invited 3 of her friends bowling for her birthday and me and her dad (my exh) covered all the costs for the lane hire and the food & drinks for the four of them.

Wouldn't even have occurred to me not to pay for it.

Totally different situation.
of course it’s still also fine to ‘host’ (and thus pay) any kind of party you like, at any age, 5,15, 45, but that isn’t what the op is about. This was ‘a day out in the city for my birthday.’ Shopping. Mooching about. Adult free.

Lmnop22 · 21/02/2026 22:39

Why didn’t your DD just get the train or bus into the city centre with £20 to pay for lunch/an activity? Thats what is expected of teenage hang outs even on a birthday!

FlyHighLikeABird · 21/02/2026 22:42

By 17/18 they are paying for the birthday girl, imagine that!

TeenyWeenyPolkaDotPeeny · 21/02/2026 22:43

WalkAway7 · 21/02/2026 20:21

Just look for advice from mums of teenagers. My DD (15) was invited to a birthday day out by a friend of hers. The plan was a day out in the city. We were asked to drop and collect our own children. When my DC have parties we always collect (using two vehicles) the kids from a central point and drop back to the same point. Anyway, another friend’s parents agreed to drop our girls and we agreed to pick them up (40 mins drive each way). My daughter came home and said they went to KFC and had to buy their own food (the parents had gone off for a few hours and they weren’t being collected until much later).
So I sent my daughter, with a card and gift voucher (same child gave sweets to our DD on her 15th birthday) and we were expected to drop, collect and feed on our children. How is this a “party”?
The parents are not poor as all our DDs all attend private school but perhaps cultural differences influence their decisions…
My question - the parents of the birthday girl should pay for the food?

Because it’s not a party at 15, that’s just hanging out for her birthday.

i would have died if my parents came with us to KFC for my 15th birthday to buy everyone’s food 😂

you sound a bit bitter that your daughter didn’t get more out of this girls celebration? The mention of her giving sweets for your daughter’s birthday is also ringing as a bitter resentment, otherwise what’s the point in mentioning? It’s just a ‘we have her more than what she brought DD so the least they can do is buy her food’ 😅

Lamplight101 · 21/02/2026 22:52

InfoSecInTheCity · 21/02/2026 20:25

DDs friends re all turning 12 and they don’t really have parties anymore, they meet up at a local shopping centre, spend a couple of hours mooching around and then eat, we have dropped her and picked her up but the expectation is they take a little cash to buy something small and enough to cover a fast food meal at McDonald’s, Burger King or kfc.

Not too sound in any way negative as I'm genuinely curious - do 11 and 12 year olds hang out in shopping centres on their own for a couple of hours before they go to eat? My child is slightly older and I haven't come across that or seen groups of children that young on their own in those places. I'm in London so I wonder if things are more relaxed in other parts of the country?

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 21/02/2026 22:53

I would personally pay for them all. However if my child was invited I would send them with some cash as I wouldn’t expect it.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 21/02/2026 22:55

If my DD friends were meeting up for her birthday I’d definitely cover lunch.