DD had to pay for food at friend’s birthday party

[WalkAway7]

Just look for advice from mums of teenagers. My DD (15) was invited to a birthday day out by a friend of hers. The plan was a day out in the city. We were asked to drop and collect our own children. When my DC have parties we always collect (using two vehicles) the kids from a central point and drop back to the same point. Anyway, another friend’s parents agreed to drop our girls and we agreed to pick them up (40 mins drive each way). My daughter came home and said they went to KFC and had to buy their own food (the parents had gone off for a few hours and they weren’t being collected until much later).
So I sent my daughter, with a card and gift voucher (same child gave sweets to our DD on her 15th birthday) and we were expected to drop, collect and feed on our children. How is this a “party”?
The parents are not poor as all our DDs all attend private school but perhaps cultural differences influence their decisions…
My question - the parents of the birthday girl should pay for the food?

My son used to go to ‘parties’ at his mate’s house practically every weekend as they had a big log building in the garden that the kids hung out in/slept over in. A food delivery was always ordered by the dad and the kids gave him cash or got parents to bank transfer him the money.

I've sent DD with money to get fast food lunch for friends before. I'd not like to think of her inviting friends and them turning her down because they couldn't afford it.

Just because at independent school doesnt mean have spare cash though
I went to independent school as got reduced fees. A friend was on a scholarship and his mum was on her own and had to work extra shifts at the supermarket to get new uniform/pay for trips etc
But think as a day hanging out with friends, they would all buy their own :)

By 15, in my experience, when they arrange a day out/bowling/cinema/meal etc for their birthdays it is always pay your own way.

The responses are surprising

DD had birthday celebrations up to age 15. Parties, days out, meals etc. I always paid for/provided food and cake. By 14, I gave them '£x' per head (checked menus to ensure everyone could get a main, a drink and table snacks) and they would split the rest evenly.

16 and 18 was COVID so no celebrations, just a drive by to wish her happy birthday and they all got a slice of cake as they went by .

I do think it's odd to have any birthday celebration for your child and not cover the cost of food.

@MadMadaMim I think it’s because this sounds so casual, like the going shopping in town and grabbing some food would have been suggested whether or not it had been a birthday related thing. If you were checking menus at 14 for a main, drink and snacks, that sounds like a bit more “planned” eg a table at Zizzi than grabbing a KFC when shopping.

When my ds's were 14, and 15 I paid for them to go to a theme park with a friend and gave my DC money to buy both of their lunches and ice cream and drinks. My DC got invited back to a multi sport day with lunch and drinks included and a bowling trip with lunch afterwards. At 16 they took a few friends to Wetherspoons for a meal and mocktails. I gave dc a card to pay on for them and friends.

We always gave £20 note to cover food. By that age, it's just mooching around and the adults are in the same area but not with the kids. Ours started going to London to do this with barely any parental supervision at all. For their 18th we DID give them enough money to pay for everyone but I don't think the guests were expecting it — it was just meeting up to celebrate the birthday.

Parties change as children get older. There wouldn't gave been party bags either.

I thought you were going to say a 6/7 year old had to pay for food at a actually birthday party not a 15 year old on a day out with her friends. At 15, the girls having a day out at the shops I would assume they would pay for themselves. Did your daughter maybe tell you she was at a birthday party so you would allow her to go?

Yeah at 15 they will hurt be doing their own thing. From 12 if she's been meeting friends for a day out for her birthday I'll maybe ask if they are going for food and give her 50 quid towards the bill but it's not expected

Nailed it 🤣🤣🤣

If it were my daughter’s birthday I’d pay for everyone’s lunch, but she recently went out with friends for an escape room, and lunch afterwards was paid by each of the kids. I was equally ok with that.

OP seems to live in a place where the nearest big town is 40 minutes away and there is no public transport, so surely her DD doing anything with friends involves a parent being taxi service. I'm actually wondering what happens if DD just wants to hang out with her friends in down for no particular reason other than it's Saturday. Maybe that's why DD made a point of it being for a birthday - she's used to her mum refusing to take her places if it's not for something special.

It becomes less of a party at a certain age and more of a "let's all have a day out together".

I think the birthday was an excuse not the reason for a group of teens to get together and hang out.

Mentioning they are in private school
is a red herring. Unless they were in Pizza Express in Woking, teens getting together are teens getting together 😅

I think it is stingy

Why are you moaning about driving them when you’ve chosen to live in the middle of nowhere?

They are 15. It’s not a party, it’s knocking about in town and doing what teens do.

In my experience, this is exactly how it's supposed to go on teens' birthdays. All my DC have done this.

It’s possible that the birthday girl and the DD each live a 20 min drive from school but a 40 min drive from each other.

Yes, you're right. It was always planned.

Surely your dd knew before hand about paying? In my experience this is all discussed and sorted ahead of time.

Where did the parents disappear off to for a few hours?.

Sounds as though this was all thought well beforehand to suit them. Like just dump their child and let her friends entertain her for a few hours. A cheap do

Yes l know they are not little children and l wouldn't cringe at the thought of fairy cakes.

But think was a poor show.

Do you have teens? Most teens do not want their parents hanging around with them.
My kids are in private school and in my exp of teen birthdays, they are either planned activities (parental involvement and few and far between) or the majority are casual meet ups where the birthday is an excuse to meet up outside of school.

Like just dump their child and let her friends entertain her for a few hours. A cheap do

Oh, I can imagine the faces of my teens if I didn’t “dump” them with their friends and instead tried hanging around too, at the age of 15!