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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD had to pay for food at friend’s birthday party

206 replies

WalkAway7 · 21/02/2026 20:21

Just look for advice from mums of teenagers. My DD (15) was invited to a birthday day out by a friend of hers. The plan was a day out in the city. We were asked to drop and collect our own children. When my DC have parties we always collect (using two vehicles) the kids from a central point and drop back to the same point. Anyway, another friend’s parents agreed to drop our girls and we agreed to pick them up (40 mins drive each way). My daughter came home and said they went to KFC and had to buy their own food (the parents had gone off for a few hours and they weren’t being collected until much later).
So I sent my daughter, with a card and gift voucher (same child gave sweets to our DD on her 15th birthday) and we were expected to drop, collect and feed on our children. How is this a “party”?
The parents are not poor as all our DDs all attend private school but perhaps cultural differences influence their decisions…
My question - the parents of the birthday girl should pay for the food?

OP posts:
TheBlueKoala · 21/02/2026 22:57

SheilaFentiman · 21/02/2026 22:03

I don’t know a single 15 year old without a bank card. Or 11 year old, for that matter.

And a 15 year old is perfectly capable of saying “mum, can I have a tenner/can you stick £10 in my account so I can get kfc on Saturday with my mates?”

For any age up to 18??? Ahahaha nope.

Show quote history

My DS16 and 12 do not have bank cards. Neither does the majority of their friends. If he was invited for a birthday celebration I would assume he was invited by the parents just as we invite his friends. (I would give him money just in case).

Caplin · 21/02/2026 23:02

My Dd is 16 and they have hit a stage where her core friend group prefer a dinner out and wander in town for birthdays, they make their own way, I have very little involvement. They go to street food place or buffet. So far the birthday family have paid, but I know some of her friend’s families don’t have much money so if DD had to get her own that is fine, I don’t want the family to struggle just to keep up. And I don’t want a kid to feel she can’t do the birthday meal thing.

InterIgnis · 21/02/2026 23:06

Totally normal. At 15, also at private school, this is exactly what my friends and I did, except we lived in London so made our own way to meet up wherever. This was mid 2000s.

I’m not British, but some of my friends were. It was normal for all of us. We also all had bank cards.

Aislyn · 21/02/2026 23:07

I am perhaps old fashioned but I think if someone is hosting they should provide food for their guests and look after them.

Perhaps this wasn't a case of hosting though? But in that case the invite should have been very clear.

I have been to one kids birthday party (for toddlers) where no food was provided, or entertainment, which I thought was very off. It was at their house, which is absolutely fine, but the minimum should be some party food and an attempt to engage guests. I was at another engagement party where it was held in the park, again fine, but absolutely nothing was provided for guests: no food or drink. It was incredibly awkward as the other guests were unfriendly and the host made no effort.

SheilaFentiman · 21/02/2026 23:17

Perhaps this wasn't a case of hosting though? But in that case the invite should have been very clear.

But it seems it was clear to the DD, who is old enough to manage her own day.

ETA and you are right, no one was hosting, this was not a toddler party!

rainbowunicorn · 21/02/2026 23:18

TheBlueKoala · 21/02/2026 22:57

My DS16 and 12 do not have bank cards. Neither does the majority of their friends. If he was invited for a birthday celebration I would assume he was invited by the parents just as we invite his friends. (I would give him money just in case).

Show quote history

That's really quite unusual where we are. Most kids have a debit card by the time they start high school. One of mine is in tbeir mid twenties and they had a bank account with debit card from when they were 11.

SheilaFentiman · 21/02/2026 23:20

TheBlueKoala · 21/02/2026 22:57

My DS16 and 12 do not have bank cards. Neither does the majority of their friends. If he was invited for a birthday celebration I would assume he was invited by the parents just as we invite his friends. (I would give him money just in case).

Show quote history

I am astonished. Will your 16 year old be going to uni in a couple of years?

Notashamed13 · 21/02/2026 23:22

15?........

rainbowunicorn · 21/02/2026 23:22

Aislyn · 21/02/2026 23:07

I am perhaps old fashioned but I think if someone is hosting they should provide food for their guests and look after them.

Perhaps this wasn't a case of hosting though? But in that case the invite should have been very clear.

I have been to one kids birthday party (for toddlers) where no food was provided, or entertainment, which I thought was very off. It was at their house, which is absolutely fine, but the minimum should be some party food and an attempt to engage guests. I was at another engagement party where it was held in the park, again fine, but absolutely nothing was provided for guests: no food or drink. It was incredibly awkward as the other guests were unfriendly and the host made no effort.

OP says in a later post that there was no invite. The kids organised it themselves. The only adult input was getting them there because OP lives somewhere with no buses or trains. It was a bunch of teens going into the nearest city for some shopping and food. Not a party. The only person that seems to think it was a party is OP

5arahM · 21/02/2026 23:23

"Cultural differences" - what's that code for? 🙄

I think 15-year-olds hanging out in town as opposed to having a formal party generally means each kid arranges own transport and spending money - especially when all are in private school and it's safe to assume other families can afford it.

I usually give my daughter a bit extra in case one of her friends is caught short, but she's rarely had to use it.

JMSA · 21/02/2026 23:24

That’s bloody cheeky! I’d never invite some young people out for a birthday meal and then not pay.

Flomingho · 21/02/2026 23:26

Yes, they should have paid. My DD of the same age took her friends our for a meal on her birthday and then we popped into the restaurant at the end to pay the bill. It is the responsibility of the host to provide the food. Especially if people were bringing birthday presents. I always make sure DD has money if she is invited for a meal incase she does need to pay.

Abd80 · 21/02/2026 23:29

Definitely the host teen or teen’s parents should be buying the lunch /dinner for everyone

wanderingstarz · 21/02/2026 23:30

JMSA · 21/02/2026 23:24

That’s bloody cheeky! I’d never invite some young people out for a birthday meal and then not pay.

They went to hang out in town. They were not invited out for a meal.

MeganM3 · 21/02/2026 23:34

It’s not a party though. They arranged to get together for a trip out. Sounds fine to me that no meal was paid for.
Personally I would like to provide something for my child’s bday for friends etc. but I don’t see that they’ve don’t anything wrong here. Miscommunication perhaps.

lessglittermoremud · 21/02/2026 23:38

Sounds like it was a bunch of friends meeting in town, abit of shopping and grabbing a bite to eat. It wasn’t a party, it was just a catch up, a chance to spend time together by the sounds of it.
Our eldest is a couple of years younger but since going to secondary school no one does parties, I don’t speak to their friends parents to arrange things.
I certainly wouldn’t collect all the children and drop them back at this age.
I just make sure he has a lift if he needs one, money on his card, fully charged phone and a time he needs to be back by.

Maggiethecat · 21/02/2026 23:42

It gets worse OP. Young adult Dd was invited to a dinner party recently and next day was asked to pay her share of the cost of the ingredients. This was not raised at the time of the invite so Dd was left thinking that this is the norm.
It was simple food and while she appreciated it and the host’s time and effort she feels stung that she was not informed in advance of the cost arrangement.
The way that you operate may not chime with others unfortunately.

rainbowunicorn · 21/02/2026 23:44

Abd80 · 21/02/2026 23:29

Definitely the host teen or teen’s parents should be buying the lunch /dinner for everyone

There was no host. It wasn't a party. There was no invite. It was a bunch of teens hanging out for one of their birthdays.
Quote from OP "There was no invite to me just the birthday girl arranging the get together for her birthday with her friends as they were all in the middle of exams at the time of her actual birthday."

5arahM · 21/02/2026 23:44

Maggiethecat · 21/02/2026 23:42

It gets worse OP. Young adult Dd was invited to a dinner party recently and next day was asked to pay her share of the cost of the ingredients. This was not raised at the time of the invite so Dd was left thinking that this is the norm.
It was simple food and while she appreciated it and the host’s time and effort she feels stung that she was not informed in advance of the cost arrangement.
The way that you operate may not chime with others unfortunately.

Edited

Now that is absolutely ridiculous! 😅

ReturnOfTheToad · 21/02/2026 23:48

My kids would never ask their mates to hang out in town if they had to foot the bill because they did the 'invite' and were the 'host'. Surely someone has to suggest the meet up or they would just never go out together? Dd goes to the city probably every second weekend, I have no idea who does the 'invite' and who is supposed to be the 'host' its just kids hanging out together.

Aislyn · 21/02/2026 23:58

rainbowunicorn · 21/02/2026 23:22

OP says in a later post that there was no invite. The kids organised it themselves. The only adult input was getting them there because OP lives somewhere with no buses or trains. It was a bunch of teens going into the nearest city for some shopping and food. Not a party. The only person that seems to think it was a party is OP

Show quote history

It doesn't sound like it was made clear to the OP's child that they would all pay for themselves. This should have been made clear in advance. Clearly there was an invite, otherwise they wouldn't have known to come.

ColdGlassofWine · 22/02/2026 00:00

Sorry, I think the child’s parents are seriously tight. The girl has invited her friends for a KFC , hardly fine dining, as a parent I would be more than happy to treat my children’s friends to a few fries and nuggets to celebrate a birthday ! At 15 most children do not have a job and the financial means to pay for themselves. I feel it’s a good lesson to teach your children a bit of generosity and let them treat their friends. Completely agree with the poster.

Pinepeak2434 · 22/02/2026 00:13

By the age of 15 my kids have always arranged the meet ups themselves and each person pays for themselves - I just transfer the money and act as taxi driver if needed. My daughter had friends over recently for her birthday - it was more just a get together than a party but I paid for them to have pizzas, again my daughter did all the communicating to let them know we’d be ordering pizza for everyone.

SheilaFentiman · 22/02/2026 00:40

Aislyn · 21/02/2026 23:58

It doesn't sound like it was made clear to the OP's child that they would all pay for themselves. This should have been made clear in advance. Clearly there was an invite, otherwise they wouldn't have known to come.

Show quote history

“Hey, gang, since my birthday was during exams, let’s all go hang out in town on Saturday for shopping and KFC. Meet at Boots at 11”

Something like that is likely to have been the “invite”

TheBlueKoala · 22/02/2026 02:15

SheilaFentiman · 21/02/2026 23:20

I am astonished. Will your 16 year old be going to uni in a couple of years?

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Haha no. He's autistic and will do Sen practical work training. Even if I gave him a card it would stress him out to use it so he wouldn't. DS12 would probably like one but none of his friends have one and they still got parents involved for playdates. Quite protected I know, nothing like my up bringing when I had a key and was independant at 8. But this is what all kids except a minority whose parents don't care live like in my town.