Withdrew from mum frenemy and she turned up today!

[Anotherwine]

I met someone who I thought was a mum friend around 2yrs ago but she started showing her true colours criticising other friends children’s behaviour enabling her own children especially one being a nasty bully.

i tried to give constructive feedback but there was always an excuse. I found the final straw when a few others from the group wanted a no drama day trip with the kids to the beach, we were open that we were going as we saw her the same morning before we left and she went mental and threw a fit ~ this is not my type of person. I don’t do cliques and feel everyone is free to do as they wish. When my children don’t get invited to parties I say well that’s life etc. there was a party she was not invited to and she turned up and I just paid as I felt awkward.

anyway today she turns up at my house I saw her on the camera, I had to shut the blinds and hide - this has really freaked me out. She messaged me last about 6 months ago and haven’t seen her since (not at same school). I didn’t reply to last message and ones before I just gave very short replies. Not sure how to not feel on edge now in my own home !

You could've just answered the door and told her you were busy?

D you feel threatened by her or something? Not sure why you couldn’t open the door and talk to her.

I feel super awkward as she is very overpowering and manipulate - who turns up at someone’s house when they clearly don’t want to communicate !

Hiding is still a complete overreaction. I can't imagine any circumstances short of someone turning up with a weapon or threatening physical violence that would make me want to hide.
You could have sold the entire issue by opening the door and asking her to go away and then you would feel in complete control in your own house.
Now, What's the long-term plan? Continue to hide every time someone comes to the door?

So you don't do cliques, but you went to the beach with a group who excluded her? It sounds like you're the dramatic one tbh.

She could have been at your door for any number of reasons. Perhaps she was canvassing for a political party etc.

Why didn’t you just open the door, as an adult can do, and just wait to see what she said??

Did she not see you shutting the blinds?

I am wondering this too!

You sound quite childish.

Were your kids home?

It's not a great thing to teach them to just hide from people they don't want to face.

Unless of course it was a dangerous situation.

For god’s sake, OP, just open the door and tell her you’re busy. What do you think she’s going to do — shove past you and trash the house because you once went to the beach without her?

I don't think there's anything wrong with pretending to not be in. You aren't under any obligation to have a confrontation at your door with anyone. I wouldn't have answered the door either.
If it happens again then maybe I'd message her and say that I don't want to talk to her right now

You actively excluded her from a trip to the beach?

You actively excluded her child from a party and then paid when she showed up?

You’re hiding in your house from her?

You sound like the problem here.

Hi, op i had dealt with somone, like this. Maybe i am people pleaser. Found it hard to say no.& lessened contact. I donr think your being unreasonable. Though sometimes we need to be direct& to thr point with people like this, as uncomfortable it may be.

You sound like a mean girl. No one likes to be excluded and you excluded her twice and think her being upset is weird? Just own it, you don’t like her, but you didn’t have the guts to tell her. Don’t get me wrong my own conflict style would have me hiding too, rather than confronting her but I can see her perspective too. She thought you were friends and has not been told otherwise until you ghosted her

Oh god don’t do this OP, you’d sound like a right weirdo!! Imagine hiding behind the curtains while she’s ringing the doorbell and then texting her to say “sorry I know you’re outside but I don’t want to talk to you right now” 😂😂😂

Having said that, I do agree that you don’t have to open the door if you don’t want to. Not everybody likes people coming to their home without an invitation.

She would have seen you furiously shutting blinds all over the place like a demented person. Given that are we safe to assume that at least parts of this didn't actually happen?

So you closed the blinds whilst she was at your door? Surely she’d notice this as you’d only be closing blinds on windows she can see in to?
I find this bizarre behaviour

A family member of mine does this. If I ignore her she stands there hammering on the door demanding I let her in and causing a scene. So I go to the tell her to get lost she’s not coming in. I don’t want her in my house around my children. But she just doesn’t give up.

but have you actually said the words i dont want to communicate because thats how mixed signals happen,

A pushy narcissistic person who thinks a relationship isn't over until they say so.

By not replying to her text, you made it clear you were not interested in engaging, as this doesn't suit her she will seek to intimidate you to back down.

Her type are unhinged.
Don't entertain her.

If you feel it easier, send her a text that you saw she called to your home, that you have nothing to discuss with her and not to call to your house again.

Her going mental and having a fit at not being included and turning up to something she wasn't invited to, is not normal behaviour.
I don't blame you not wanting to be around that drama at all.

Saw her on my doorbell camera driving slowly in the road then she disappeared for about 6 mins and came back.

I'm a bit confused about how you don't do cliques but also deliberately don't invite this person to things? Also seems strange that your reason for cutting her out was her criticising the behaviour of other children, but also you call her child a "nasty bully"?

That’s possibly a good idea but she might start the whole long emotive messages asking what she’s done wrong etc etc. I am non confrontational and just want peace ! I could maybe say that then block her.

she hasn’t been in my house before this is a step too far.

yes I went with other parents who she also knows however that is my choice. Same way anyone wants to arrange something and not include meal. Everyone has a free will to do so.

To make it clear this was 2 yrs ago - sometimes people only show true colours after a bit of time. I took at face value originally