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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Withdrew from mum frenemy and she turned up today!

222 replies

Anotherwine · 20/02/2026 20:26

I met someone who I thought was a mum friend around 2yrs ago but she started showing her true colours criticising other friends children’s behaviour enabling her own children especially one being a nasty bully.

i tried to give constructive feedback but there was always an excuse. I found the final straw when a few others from the group wanted a no drama day trip with the kids to the beach, we were open that we were going as we saw her the same morning before we left and she went mental and threw a fit ~ this is not my type of person. I don’t do cliques and feel everyone is free to do as they wish. When my children don’t get invited to parties I say well that’s life etc. there was a party she was not invited to and she turned up and I just paid as I felt awkward.

anyway today she turns up at my house I saw her on the camera, I had to shut the blinds and hide - this has really freaked me out. She messaged me last about 6 months ago and haven’t seen her since (not at same school). I didn’t reply to last message and ones before I just gave very short replies. Not sure how to not feel on edge now in my own home !

OP posts:
Tablesandchairs23 · 20/02/2026 23:10

Put your big girl pants on and tell her.

SeashellHouse · 20/02/2026 23:19

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😀

Applecup · 20/02/2026 23:22

I wonder what her side of the story is? Maybe she felt a bit bullied by you and your cliquey friends.

justgottadoit · 20/02/2026 23:23

This is playground stuff, honestly. Grow up and be professional and polite in all interactions and the problem goes away. I can’t believe you’re still ruminating over something that happened 2 years ago with her

anonymous0810 · 20/02/2026 23:24

3ormorecharacters · 20/02/2026 22:56

Sure not everyone can be invited to everything, but when "we" saw her on the morning "we" were going to the beach and told her "we" were going, that sounds a lot like cliquey behaviour. Sure "going mental and throwing a fit" isn't an appropriate response but we only have OP's word that this is what happened, I would be surprised if the "frenemy" would describe her response that way.

In regards to the "nasty bully" of course parents are entitled to step away from children who caused upset to others. However calling a child a bully is highly emotive / subjective. If OP is so against criticism of others' children then she probably shouldn't go throwing that term around or some might think her hypocritical.

Edited
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This - spot on. There seems to be a lot of hypocrisy in the op - frenemy being judgmental but you calling her child a “nasty bully” (and then exclude her openly from an outing - I’d consider this low level bullying in itself). I wonder if her “excuses” are actually trying to explain the behaviour - possibly nd child who struggles with regulation (but I imagine the op doesn’t believe in nd).

anyway, upshot being despite your cool-girl “I don’t do drama” chat I suspect you actually do. Not least the ridiculous hiding in the house.

pizzaHeart · 20/02/2026 23:28

So did she knock on your door or not?

Clonakilla · 20/02/2026 23:51

Blackberrys1 · 20/02/2026 22:43

Just because everyone isn't invited to everything, it doesn't mean there are cliques.

If a child is deemed to be a nasty bully to other children, causing upset, then it follows that other parents will choose to step away, particularly when a parent refuses to take action.

What exactly is confusing about that?
Avoiding bullys is a very wise and reasonable response.

"Going mental and threw a fit" at not being invited is exactly the sort of behaviour that adults step completely away from other adults, and wisely so.

Not everyone totolerates drama.
Some of us step away and refuse to give it oxygen.
It's not the OP's job to be schooling this woman in how to behave.

Someone who turns up at your door when you have clearly not been engaging with them, is someone who refuses to take no for an answer.

Perhaps others are giving her the cold shoulder and she thinks the OP is a soft touch.

OP's instincts are her choice.
She doesn't want to be around drama.

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Hmmmmmm not sure if I’ve ever heard anyone say things like they ‘refuse to tolerate drama’ who was not themselves actually the source of quite a lot of drama…..

Using phrases like ‘frenemy’ also not the usual preserve of the drama-free.

There were a few low-drama options here that weren’t taken OP. Perhaps just put it out of your mind now.

IwishIcouldconfess · 20/02/2026 23:54

You sound like you're the issue

PollyBell · 21/02/2026 00:01

Do people really live with this much drama in real life? It all seems very like a soap opera

IsItThoughh · 21/02/2026 00:03

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JustCabbaggeLooking · 21/02/2026 00:16

Applecup · 20/02/2026 23:22

I wonder what her side of the story is? Maybe she felt a bit bullied by you and your cliquey friends.

This. With knobs on.

Lougle · 21/02/2026 00:16

"anyway today she turns up at my house I saw her on the camera, I had to shut the blinds and hide"

"who turns up at someone’s house when they clearly don’t want to communicate !"

"Saw her on my doorbell camera driving slowly in the road then she disappeared for about 6 mins and came back."

So....in fact, she didn't come to your house. She didn't attempt to communicate with you. She could have visited a different house in your road and what you saw was her arriving and leaving.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 21/02/2026 00:23

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Daygloboo · 21/02/2026 00:29

Branleuse · 20/02/2026 21:22

I don't think there's anything wrong with pretending to not be in. You aren't under any obligation to have a confrontation at your door with anyone. I wouldn't have answered the door either.
If it happens again then maybe I'd message her and say that I don't want to talk to her right now

Yes. If she went off the deep end about something trivial she may well be dodgy. I would steer clear of her. I dont know why everyone is having a go because this woman sounds a bit stalkerish potentially...if she knows you dont want to engage but still turns up at your door ? Very manipulative !!

FaceBothered · 21/02/2026 00:47

roses2 · 20/02/2026 22:23

I teach my kids to hide from those really.annoying Hello Fresh people that canvas us every month. They are so annoying!

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I tell them politely and very firmly that I’m not interested as I’m closing the door.

This models adult behaviour.

AnnieLummox · 21/02/2026 00:57

Some of the responses here are ridiculous.

OP - it’s your door. If you don’t want to answer it, to her or anyone else, don’t. You don’t owe her a conversation. I’ve no idea why people are defending her; if you love actively ignored her for six months, she should be able to work out that you don’t want to talk.

AnnieLummox · 21/02/2026 01:00

HawkinsLabsColdwarEra · 20/02/2026 21:55

but have you actually said the words i dont want to communicate because thats how mixed signals happen,

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OP hasn’t seen or even messaged this woman in six months. How is that a mixed signal? Where’s the mixed part?

PollyBell · 21/02/2026 01:01

FaceBothered · 21/02/2026 00:47

I tell them politely and very firmly that I’m not interested as I’m closing the door.

This models adult behaviour.

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It does and yes there are some poster's on here who are mature adults they just seem few and far between and yes are raising the next generation

AnnieLummox · 21/02/2026 01:03

PollyBell · 21/02/2026 01:01

It does and yes there are some poster's on here who are mature adults they just seem few and far between and yes are raising the next generation

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Talk about OTT. Civilisation isn’t going to collapse because someone doesn’t answer the door to the Hello Fresh man.

1willgetthere · 21/02/2026 01:41

Anotherwine · 20/02/2026 21:58

Saw her on my doorbell camera driving slowly in the road then she disappeared for about 6 mins and came back.

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So did she actually come to your house or just your road?

Linoleum81 · 21/02/2026 02:06

SoSadSoSadSoSad · 20/02/2026 21:23

You actively excluded her from a trip to the beach?

You actively excluded her child from a party and then paid when she showed up?

You’re hiding in your house from her?

You sound like the problem here.

yeah, I was thinking that too

lottiegarbanzo · 21/02/2026 06:47

You just want peace, don’t do confrontation, are open about excluding someone from a trip - yet never want to have to explain yourself.

That’s not openness. If you were so open you’d be able to explain your choices, calmly and politely with a bit of compassion.

Peace takes work and courage to maintain.

You’re not open or peaceful, you’re a coward.

She may also be a nightmare but you’re not helping yourself with your childish, princessy approach to life.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 21/02/2026 06:59

3ormorecharacters · 20/02/2026 22:00

I'm a bit confused about how you don't do cliques but also deliberately don't invite this person to things? Also seems strange that your reason for cutting her out was her criticising the behaviour of other children, but also you call her child a "nasty bully"?

Do you always invite people you hate to social events? We aren't obliged to be friends with everyone.

Dgll · 21/02/2026 07:33

You sound like you are still in school.

Dgll · 21/02/2026 07:38

DeftGoldHedgehog · 21/02/2026 06:59

Do you always invite people you hate to social events? We aren't obliged to be friends with everyone.

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I think it is the hypocritical use of the word 'cliques' when referring to a group of friends. Other people have mean nasty cliques that exclude other people. However, I have boundaries and choose not to be friends with people and that is all good.

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