Withdrew from mum frenemy and she turned up today!

[Anotherwine]

I met someone who I thought was a mum friend around 2yrs ago but she started showing her true colours criticising other friends children’s behaviour enabling her own children especially one being a nasty bully.

i tried to give constructive feedback but there was always an excuse. I found the final straw when a few others from the group wanted a no drama day trip with the kids to the beach, we were open that we were going as we saw her the same morning before we left and she went mental and threw a fit ~ this is not my type of person. I don’t do cliques and feel everyone is free to do as they wish. When my children don’t get invited to parties I say well that’s life etc. there was a party she was not invited to and she turned up and I just paid as I felt awkward.

anyway today she turns up at my house I saw her on the camera, I had to shut the blinds and hide - this has really freaked me out. She messaged me last about 6 months ago and haven’t seen her since (not at same school). I didn’t reply to last message and ones before I just gave very short replies. Not sure how to not feel on edge now in my own home !

Not inviting someone you dont like to a group event is not being cliquey. Its just protecting your social boundaries. Do you tend to invite people you dont actually like to events you organise?

Funny you say that as I had a work colleague kick off recently when we went for a lunch in town in our contractual break slagging off members of the team who went! I told her to arrange her own one if she’s so bothered ! People are so fucking odd.

So every time someone drives past, you look? Did she actually come and knock on your door, or just drive past?

3. Because she didn’t want to.

You have made it clear in this post that you hate her and she doesn't meet your petty parenting standards.

'We don't allow youtube', she 'would have ruined the day'.

Lighten up for lords sake. I bet your kids are only primary aged, so even her child being a 'nasty bully' has to be a massive exaggeration.

Pulling the blinds and hiding because someone you haven't seen for 2 years drives down your road is very peculiar behaviour.

Or she happened to be in the same neighbourhood after dropping her kids of at a playdate and thought she might check if you're home for a chat. If she last messaged you 6months ago it doesn't even sound like she's looking for confrontation. She may have forgotten everything and thought it would be nice to catch up again.

Who doesn’t see or speak to someone for six months and then a) totally forgets why and b) thinks they’ll just “pop in for a chat” on the off-chance? Most people don’t just turn up these days even without the backstory.

Pot and kettle

I have friends who haven’t been to my house. I add up (I think!)

I mean, it literally seems you have form for this but are not accepting any posters who say as much.

Not sure what you want from this thread.

Yes, me too. It’s really not that unusual!

What does came on foot mean? Did she or did she not knock on your door?

"She's literally so obsessed with us!!!!"

🤭

For someone who says they don’t do cliques or drama you seem very cliquey and dramatic. 🤔

Oh, also - going out with a group of colleagues (even on your own time, not organised by the business) and leaving someone out can sometimes be considered workplace bullying.

You keep saying it's 'fucking odd' but I think most people recognise it's a normal human emotion to feel left out.

You also tried to claim others had gone out with your 'frenemy' but it sounds like she is substantially excluded from larger group events.

Of course there's no law saying you must socialise with her but it's certainly not unreasonable for her to feel excluded, isolated, and probably really sad. If her crimes are that she allows Youtube etc, I do feel sorry for her.

You have a friend and didnt like her behaviour. But instead of saying that you made some low level comments and planned a "no drama" trip specifically excluding her. But think its cool as you all saw her that morning and she knows. It isnt its kinda bullying. You behaved not dissimilar to the child you criticised.

You say everyones free to do as they please but when she thought she was invited or should be(as you might if you meet a group of friends who were planning a beach trip the same day) and showed up at the beach which shes free to do you had an issue.

For someone who says they arent confrontational - you seem fine with passive agressive, and antagonism.

I do think no reply is a clear message she should have taken but while she mightnt have spoken to you in 6 months but been in regular contact with the rest of the group and wanted to speak to you all. You dont know because you didnt speak to her.

i wouldnt have come to your house but i think making a "no drama" beach trip with a group of friends whilst telling 1 friend shes not welcome, whilst youre all with her on the day of the trip is bullying. The fact its not behind her back doesnt make it not mean girls. So I wouldnt have come because tbh i wouldnt want a friend who was alright behaving like that.

Just text her, tell her you arent friends and dont want her at your house again and block her. Its better than treating her like this

🤣

I think it’s fine to teach your children you don’t have to interact with people you don’t want to? You are not obligated to answer the door because someone else wants you to.

She’s controlling and overpowering but you were the one offering her “constructive criticism” and you don’t like drama and cliques but you would arrange things and purposely leave her out like the beach day, and make sure she knew everyone was going and she wasn’t invited.

It sounds like a lot of the drama was you.

Not cliquish the op writes 😂

I do think no reply is a clear message she should have taken but while she mightnt have spoken to you in 6 months but been in regular contact with the rest of the group and wanted to speak to you all. You dont know because you didnt speak to her.

Again though, why would this woman wanting to speak to the OP trump OP not wanting to speak to her? Since when are we obliged to speak to people just because it’s what they want?

You are of course perfectly entitled to choose your cliques!

"Constructive criticism"

Yeah, I bet it was.

This all over!

Not at all - don’t want anything to do with.