Withdrew from mum frenemy and she turned up today!

[Anotherwine]

I met someone who I thought was a mum friend around 2yrs ago but she started showing her true colours criticising other friends children’s behaviour enabling her own children especially one being a nasty bully.

i tried to give constructive feedback but there was always an excuse. I found the final straw when a few others from the group wanted a no drama day trip with the kids to the beach, we were open that we were going as we saw her the same morning before we left and she went mental and threw a fit ~ this is not my type of person. I don’t do cliques and feel everyone is free to do as they wish. When my children don’t get invited to parties I say well that’s life etc. there was a party she was not invited to and she turned up and I just paid as I felt awkward.

anyway today she turns up at my house I saw her on the camera, I had to shut the blinds and hide - this has really freaked me out. She messaged me last about 6 months ago and haven’t seen her since (not at same school). I didn’t reply to last message and ones before I just gave very short replies. Not sure how to not feel on edge now in my own home !

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SbPSnrlbQtU&pp=ygUsU2NlbmUgaW4gdGhlIGhlbHAgd2hlcmUgdGhleSBoaWRlIGZyb20gY2VsaWE%3D

Reminds me of the woman in The Help who doesn't get invited to any of the social events and turns up at a 'friend's' house with a pie while everyone hides from her.

She should have taken the hint of you not replying but I really don't see why the OP is pretending to not understand why her ex-friend (or her colleague who has also been at the receiving end) finds this hurtful.

I think the explaining that she is not invited to the beach is even more hurtful - I mean, how is she meant to react in the moment to that?? God, I'd be crushed if people I thought were my friends did that to me.

Pathetic.

Do you start the process or hiding when you see a car drive up your street and then stay hidden for six minutes in case the driver, who you call a frenemy, parks and then comes to your house and then start a thread about someone not even coming to your house but have the audacity to come to your street?

Where have posters suggested that the woman be invited into the OP's house??

You owe this poor woman an apology and an explanation, you’ve wilfully excluded her - what if she’s struggling mentally? Even if she’s not, you’re behaving disgustingly and should be ashamed of yourself. How can you tell someone about a trip to a public place and tell her she’s not welcome because of her drama. You are awful. She’s better off without you all but I can imagine the pain she is in hearing about your jolly to the beach without her. And then on your doorstep trying to summon the strength to knock to speak to you about it, but then bottling out and leaving. What torment what going through her heart and head wanting to, but not being able to knock at your door. She’s in a bad place. And you are in a position to help. Even if she’s - as you believe- just a bit annoying, you should have invited her or just not told her about it. Yes we can all be big girls and be fine with not being invited to some stuff but you have gone about this the wrong way. Imagine feeling cast out like her. Maybe her child is challenging and maybe her saying things about another child was a way to connect - you need to be warmer and more inclusive. She could really be struggling.

4.Phone 101 - someone walked down the road my house is on

< another Mumsnet trope >

Are you for real? You wouldn’t open your own front door 🙄

What the fuck is wrong with not answering your door? . It's not a summons!

Well they’re all saying she’s “childish” not to answer the door? What do you think the next step is if she does?

Not if I didn’t want to. That’s the whole point of it being MY own front door.

Jesus Christ 😆😆 “Summoning the strength”? “Torment going through her heart”?

I’ve never heard such OTT nonsense.

Er, to have a brief conversation on the doorstep? When people ring my doorbell - and, yes, I answer it - I don't tend to invite people in for hugs, coffee and chatter. Sure, if they're invited friends/family - but not for random passers by, neighbours, acquaintances, canvassers, 'frenemies'

I can’t think of anything more cliquey than going to the beach with everyone else and excluding her and her kids. But of course, you “don’t do cliques”.

And she didn't have to be invited in this time either.

This doesn't add up.

That’s ridiculous! Just act like an an adult, face people and have an intelligent conversation with them. Honestly what is wrong with people these days?

OP it does sound like your behaviour has not been totally nice. However the posters saying you had to answer the door are wrong IMHO. You could have been on a call you didn’t want to interrupt, or in the bath OR just did not want to speak to this person.

read the thread.

The lady never knocked on her door, she just walked down OP’s road.

😂what a lot of tosh

It she wasn’t was she? She was hiding from her.

My point is no-one should feel obliged to answer their front door. There are many reasons to not answer their door, some of which I listed, and one of which is you don’t want to. This wasn’t someone arriving for a pre-arranged, agreed-upon social engagement. Feel free to not answer their door door in this circumstance!

Well, she certainly didn’t have to answer the door in this instance as her friend never even rang her doorbell! She was on the same street and doesn’t even seem to have walked onto the OP‘s driveway, never mind rung her bell. So the poster would have looked like a right loon answering a door when there wasn’t even anybody there!