Withdrew from mum frenemy and she turned up today!

[Anotherwine]

I met someone who I thought was a mum friend around 2yrs ago but she started showing her true colours criticising other friends children’s behaviour enabling her own children especially one being a nasty bully.

i tried to give constructive feedback but there was always an excuse. I found the final straw when a few others from the group wanted a no drama day trip with the kids to the beach, we were open that we were going as we saw her the same morning before we left and she went mental and threw a fit ~ this is not my type of person. I don’t do cliques and feel everyone is free to do as they wish. When my children don’t get invited to parties I say well that’s life etc. there was a party she was not invited to and she turned up and I just paid as I felt awkward.

anyway today she turns up at my house I saw her on the camera, I had to shut the blinds and hide - this has really freaked me out. She messaged me last about 6 months ago and haven’t seen her since (not at same school). I didn’t reply to last message and ones before I just gave very short replies. Not sure how to not feel on edge now in my own home !

You can just imagine the frenzy of group chat messages OP was sending while hiding in the house with the blinds closed. "CRAZY MUM IS OUTSIDE THE DOOR! SAW HER ON MY DOORBELL!!" and everyone else clutching their pearls and twisting their knickers with excitement.

Blimey what a drama! Why not just answer the door to her like a grown up?

The thought of OP sat hunched over the video feed, seeing a vaguely familiar car and then frantically tearing around the house to close all the blinds in the middle of the day before back to the video feed and mumsnet to declare this "weird mum just turned up"

😂

They walk among us

It sounds as though she is being treated badly by the OP and her friends and called round to chat. I hope she is okay.

So has it been confirmed whether she actually came and rang your doorbell? Otherwise it's utterly unhinged behaviour to spy on a another mum's car through a doorbell camera and assume they want something from you.

Even if they're at a different school now, all families at any previous school tend to live in the same area. So it's not a coincidence at all if one mum drives through the neighbourhood. Maybe she was looking for the house of someone else. I often driven past other mums homes doing errands since we all live in the same neighbourhood or I have other friends living close to them.

Or she happened to be in the same neighbourhood after dropping her kids of at a playdate and thought she might check if you're home for a chat. If she last messaged you 6months ago it doesn't even sound like she's looking for confrontation. She may have forgotten everything and thought it would be nice to catch up again.

So did she even approach the house to knock or just drive past your house a couple of times? If she was driving past, closing the blinds and hiding is a massive overreaction. TBH even if she had knocked, hiding seems a bit crazy unless you think she’s dangerous in some way?

You are giving very vague one sided information. What did she actually say on the day of the beach trip that you didn't invite her to? When you gave her 'constructive feedback' (unasked for presumably) what did you actually say to her? In what way is her child a nasty bully? When you say she came to your house after 6 months of not speaking to her did she actually knock on your door or just drive down your road? In my experience people who use the word frenemy are usually the bitchy ones causing all the drama but blaming someone else for it.

So you ganged up with others and excluded her? You then ghosted her rather than have a mature conversation? You scrabble about in your house hiding from her? You start a conversation on a very popular parenting website which if she’s a parent she may well use and recognise herself?

But you don’t like drama? Ok.

Don’t explain yourself to ‘her’. Just Block .
I had to do that with a nextdoor neighbour, (she was often heard shouting at her own elderly recently widowed mother, her husband & child), it was such a relief, it worked!
(they moved away within a year)

I had a school friend who became overbearing when we were at uni phoning me every week and complaining about various things. We went on a holiday which was stressful and things came to ahead when she came to stay for a weekend. She told me how unhappy she was and I hadn't been a good friend to her etc. She said she didn't want to see me anymore. I was relieved. 3 months later she wanted to be friends again. I had to say no sorry. It's now some 20yrs later and I still avoid her. By all accounts she's much happier but I still don't want to spend me time with her.
Better to speak to this woman and be clear than being hiding behind blinds.

I think this all depends on what her behaviour and the behaviour of her child actually were.

Plus, I don't think it sounds like a casual 'oh we are just meeting up with who we gel with, just personal choice, no cliques etc', it sounds like you were all part of a social group and then this one mum got deliberately not invited to trips, parties, meals over and over again.

You both sound as bad as each other

Maybe OP has decided that, since she IS a grown-up, she doesn’t have to answer her own door to anyone she doesn’t want to see?

So why go to the Ops house?

Why would she call around to chat after six months?

Even if that was true going round to one of their houses is batshit.

OP of course yanbu you don’t have to see or talk to anyone you don’t want to.

Well quite, the responses to this thread are truly strange.

I have so many questions, please come back to this post OP!

If you don’t like her, why do you end up paying for her when she rocked up uninvited at someone else’s party?

How does she know where you live if she’s never been to your house before?

Did she actually come and knock on your door or did you just see her driving past?

How did you even notice her driving past? Do you just constantly sit staring at your ring doorbell camera?

Not true. Others went out with her at times I didn’t. Would have ruined the day if she came on this occasion. We don’t allowed certain things such as YouTube / major kick offs with no consequences from the kids.

You get an alert where there’s movement on the camera, she has dropped another mums child off to me before.

If I like some others I don’t see why I should have to be friends with all??! I have a right to choose my friendships

We live the equivalent of Putney and Kingston apart by not a coincidence or on the way

She drove past then parked and came on foot 6 min later

1. mumsnetters don’t open the door unless my prearranged appointment
2. speaking to someone IRL is discouraged

< light hearted >